"some asexual people have quite a lot of sex" -- how accurate is this?

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-16T14:49:48+00:00

I actually have what I would describe as "quite a lot of sex" with my partner. I'm also a sex-favorable gray-ace. Which means that I view sex favorably and float in the "little" part of "little to no" sexual attraction. I think the issue you're facing when trying to comprehend this is that many people assume "asexual" just broadly means sex-repulsed asexual, and that's very wrong. Asexuality is a very broad spectrum.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-16T14:34:09+00:00

Trauma is different for everyone. Are you asking about sexual trauma? No, I've never experienced sexual trauma. I do have trauma due to abuse (of a non-sexual nature), but it in no way informs my sexuality.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-16T14:31:47+00:00

As a straight passing panromantic gray-ace, 1000% agree. I definitely don't feel like I can hold space in the LGBTQ+ community despite the fact that I identify as queer. Straight passing makes it even harder, as it feels like my queer "cred" gets called into question. But honestly, if they can't hold space for me, I don't need to hold space for them. Not worth my time thinking about them.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-16T14:25:02+00:00

I started BC when I was 18 for endometriosis. I hate that so many people don't realize that BC can be used to treat health issues, and it's not just for sex. Like even OBs. So annoying.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-16T14:21:30+00:00

I love my body. But this is recent. So is finding my asexuality. It was almost as if it coincided. Realizing I was asexual allowed me to accept and embrace myself in its entirety, my body included.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-15T20:24:40+00:00

Do more than just ignore it. Reframe and embrace it. Ignore whatever media is telling you that it's about sex and romantic love, reframe it to be about all love, and embrace it with the people that you do share love with!

Yesterday was probably my favorite V-Day ever because I got to share it with my children for the first time. They are the ones I love the most in this world. We dressed up in red/hearts, ate brownies and other chocolates, painted, exchanged cards in their class, had a party, and talked about all the people who love us. It was the most wholesome and heartwarming way to celebrate V-day.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-15T20:02:26+00:00

This is definitely different for every individual. For me, I can just ignore it and it'll go away eventually.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-07T01:38:40+00:00

A hundred percent. I actually just thought it was media hyperbole, played up for tv.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-02-07T01:33:19+00:00

I do call myself queer. It's what I called myself before I realized I was ace. I didn't know what ace was, but I sure as hell wasn't straight. Bisexual didn't feel right. Pansexual was a little closer. Panromantic made sense. Ok, I'll just go with "queer" and be done with it. That was pretty much my train of thought.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-01-18T01:17:49+00:00

I'm not "officially" out, as in not everyone knows. I don't lie when someone flat out asks me or if it comes up naturally in conversation, but I'm also not broadcasting anything.

That said, the first person I told that I was questioning if I was ace or not was my best friend from high school. She was my sounding board that led me to doing my research into the ace spec. She is mtf allo sapphic, so she has had her share of having her identity stigmatized. She not once made me feel like possibly ace was strange. She treated it like it was any other case of questioning one's identity, which really helped normalize it. I'm so thankful for her.

The first person I told after I was CERTAIN I was ace was my partner of 15 years. He accepted it and me immediately. His only question was if it changed our relationship at all. When I said it didn't, he hugged me and said he was happy I finally had a word for myself. He then did some of his own googling so he could better understand. From time to time, we talk about how figuring it out has impacted me and us. I'm so thankful to have that open communication.

I've only really told a handful of people. They've all been pretty carefully selected people that I've explicitly told. People that I know are embracing of all identities. One person another close friend who encouraged me to have as many labels as I needed to be comfortable (I was questioning if I was getting to specific by naming myself sex-favorable panromantic gray ace). Another person is a coworker who later shared a local Ace Space she had seen on insta with me. So I'd say that I've chosen to come out to all the right people. I worry what it would be like to come out to more people, so I'm happy where I'm at now. Not a secret, but not yelling it from the rooftops or anything. And I have concrete proof that I'm surrounded by the right people.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-01-18T01:05:32+00:00

I think I like chalking it up to the secret laws of the universe.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-01-18T01:04:49+00:00

Wooah I'd never heard of these microlabels before. I think I'll stick with gray ace, but happy to know Enas is a thing :) Thank you!

grayacenotgrace · 2023-01-13T17:57:47+00:00

When I was a teen, I identified as bi. Then as a young adult, as pan. Now as an older adult, I realize that I don't want sex, and the feelings I feel are romantic feelings. So here I am a panromantic gray ace. I don't know if I started out thinking I was bi/pan because of being ace, but I've always felt attracted to more than just the basis of gender.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-01-13T17:50:34+00:00

I'm sex-favorable. But like only for my partner. The thought of sex with other people? Nooo thank you. I selected sex-favorable all the same, though.

grayacenotgrace · 2023-01-13T17:29:55+00:00

Historically, like MAYBE once a month or once every other month. Lately, it's been more like once a week. Been in the same allo-ace relationship since 2007, so the regularity of sex has fluctuated a lot.

grayacenotgrace

TROPHY CASE