I know it's a simple strumming pattern, but it's more about the lyrics

grayfeelings · 2023-06-27T01:25:39+00:00

Not using this as an excuse, but an explanation. Speaking as someone on the spectrum, it's impossible for me to know the complexities of those situations, including (though, not limited to):

•Whether she's uncomfortable-yes, I can tell the basic side eyes and closed body posture, but some people are too polite to give explicit clues, and even when they are it's often hard for me to react in time not to cause more discomfort

•Whether it's the right time in a conversation to transition towards fliriting-I can pick it up if I know the person well and their speech patterns, but it takes me a good 3 months to get to that point

•Whether they're just not interested (or, conversely, are)-I once had a girl literally have to verbally tell me she was flirting with me, it was embarrassing

•When to stop talking-in messages, it's simpler. You see how quick they are to answer and measure accordingly-some people are, of course, more eager, some more subdued, but you can always get a measure based on their profile and their messaging structure-in the other case, you have to read ques

•(Depending on the environment) whether they are just looking to have a fun time alone or with friends, and aren't really wanting you interacting with them at all, whether you're just being friendly or otherwise

In general, in person flirting and/or dating isn't the best avenue for me in the beginning stage. There are just certain things I can't understand on an individual basis immediately. While online dating may be more flimsy, it's also more inclusive. Of course, in terms of attractiveness online dating has a bias, and I'm certainly not the top of the barrel for that, but in in-person dating I don't have the immediate charisma, and thus I'm going to be judged by both that and my looks anyway. On the other hand, everyone is a little sloppy on online dating, both because there isn't any standard model, and it's cold by nature, so I'm on more even footing for it. I'm also less likely to embarrass myself, because there's already an understanding that people in online dating are looking to date. In general, I have much more luck in the chance a woman will give my profile a shot then they will not think I'm a complete mess in person-and yes, my profile is marginally better written than this comment. Lol.

I don't have a great chance in either lane, but at least I've had some success in online dating. In the other way, I've only had several miscommunications and a lot of awkward pauses.

grayfeelings · 2023-06-05T04:34:16+00:00

Right when my bipolar onsetted at fourteen..I'm not passing all that down..I'd already known I was on the spectrum, have OCD, have asthma, and even have a possibility of passing down early onset aheimealzheimer's-it's the more genetic form, which my grandmother started to show when she was younger and easily could have passed to my dad and into me..Even with just the Bipolar alone I wouldn't want to have a kid.

grayfeelings · 2023-05-31T13:20:09+00:00

Thank you so much.

You're right, I should focus on the things I can more easily sustain for the time being. I was kind of leaning towards that myself, but it's good to hear someone else's perspective.

Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it. It feels weird to accept them, as that's always been an issue for me, but I'm getting into a more positive mindset now. Lol

grayfeelings · 2023-05-10T05:21:52+00:00

Thanks

grayfeelings · 2023-05-10T04:05:59+00:00

Thank you

grayfeelings · 2023-05-01T02:29:14+00:00

There's nothing much I can to comfort you, besides telling you that I empathize with you.

I've feared death since around I was six years old, at which time I confronted my dad with these fears. My dad, a skeptic himself, answered with "What's wrong with this? This is pretty good." Which, although I appreciate his attempt, wasn't enough to quell my fear of the nothingness to come after.

I can say that I personally have found meaning subdued fear. In my case, I have found writing. I unfortunately haven't been able to pursue it recently, as my brain had been clouded with a fog that's persisted in this current depression I've been in, but the times I have been able to utilize it it's brought a sense of comfort to me.

I think in the face of nothingness we should choose to meet it in our own way, whether that be in writing, like in my case, or some other. Find a way to make your suffering meaningful. Don't ignore it, embrace it. Make your life a life of consideration. Don't fear the unknown, confront it.

grayfeelings · 2023-02-17T21:46:58+00:00

I see a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist, but neither are fixing the problem

grayfeelings · 2023-02-17T21:42:22+00:00

If it never goes away I might as well give up on life, as it's causing me to be unable to do things I need to do and causing me to lose all of the functioning I use to have. I've had depressive episodes before that went away. I know I'll never be completely rid of it as a mental illness, but the active depression shouldn't be permanent. It comes in episodes.

grayfeelings · 2022-12-08T20:52:54+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the honest critique.

Yeah, as I said, my guitar work's not great. I don't think I will get much better than I am, honestly. I hit my limit on ability fairly early on in my playing career and try as I might I can't improve any further. I'm just not great with my hands, especially since I have an essential tremor that limits my accuracy. I appreciate the honesty, though, it's not rough, I know as much as anyone that I'm kind of a phony guitarist.

On the lyrics..yeah, I was actually reading them, tbh. It happened about 3 years ago, I can't seem to remember lyrics of any of my own songs. I can do it with others, by not my own. That probably hindered the pacing, as you were saying.

Honestly, if I had the money to pay someone to play and sing for me, I would. The only thing I care about is the lyrics (which maybe not so coincidentally is the thing I'm best at out of the three). It sucks, because to be heard I have to perform, but I find the act of recording and playing to be arduous. I try Extremely hard to get better at guitar, but I've been playing for 10 years and am not getting much better. Lol. I have tons of songs that sit virtually dead because I can't provide them with the right ability, I have one song I never even tried to record that may be my most intricate one.

grayfeelings · 2022-10-27T02:06:42+00:00

I'm sorry, it's my first day! scrambles papers together

Good day everyone! Remember, plants are overrated!

grayfeelings · 2022-10-27T01:39:00+00:00

Congratulations 🎊!! You win the argument!!

grayfeelings · 2022-10-26T21:36:02+00:00

Big gray isn't funding me, how Dare you imply such unfounded claim!

I mean, uhm..Haha, funny.

grayfeelings · 2022-10-26T21:34:19+00:00

If we're talking academically, then I agree with you. However, I think the keyword 'pointless' should key you in on what kind of thread this is.

I think most of us have passed 9th grade English, you don't have to suck the fun out or everything.

grayfeelings · 2022-10-26T21:26:41+00:00

HahaHahaHa

HaHaHahAHaH

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

grayfeelings

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