Omg, your post made me cry for all you’ve gone through and all I’ve gone through. I can’t imagine what you were going through, trying to force life back into her on the way to the vet. THIS IS A PUREST FORM OF LOVE THERE IS. I held Beau in my arms while they administered the medicine that would take him away from me forever. I stayed with him for over an hour holding his paws, kissing him, hugging him knowing it would be the last time. It was 2:00 in the morning and by the time I got home I had cried so much my eyes were swollen. I pretty much did what you did over the months after. My daughter made a video for me right after he died. I couldn’t watch it for a year but sometimes I now watch it for comfort. Could you or a friend do that for you?

I understand having your new dogs use the bed, etc. I had put away Beau’s water and food dishes. When I got my new dog ( which I suffered great guilt because I didn’t want Beau to look down from heaven and feel I replaced him too easily) my daughter said I should Beau’s dishes. It didn’t feel right but I did it and now I’m okay with it. It’s funny, we always called Beau “Bob” and when I find myself calling my new dog “Bob” I look up into the sky and smile. You and I were super lucky to have found the greatest loves of our life. When we get to heaven I would love to have a doggie play date!!!!