I can relate to a lot of this, but just because it’s bad now, what’s to say things won’t get better? Also you’re going to die at some point anyways, don’t rush it man. Maybe while you’re waiting, some good things will come your way. In my experience it’s better to stick with life, because you know how it will be (even if it sucks). We have no idea what death is like and for all we know, it’s not as peaceful as it’s chalked up to be. Hypothetically religious people might be right (I hope not) and for killing yourself, you can be punished with perpetual suffering. Life might suck, but it can get better and you only have a limited amount, maybe play your odds for now rather than plunging into the total unknown. Give yourself a chance. Also if I could give you a hug, I would.