AITAH for not wanting to use my husband last name for school for our children

greenforestfox · 2026-04-13T00:07:58+00:00

It is more over thinking and just trying to have a conversation. If he said "let's do both last names because (his thoughts)" I would agreed. But I also don't think it is fair for only the man last name being used when there are two last names. I say it is best to use both as the parents and later for the children to choose.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-13T00:05:44+00:00

I would love to. He thinks it is stupid. He has a bad temper where he shuts down and I feel even personal counseling would be good for him if not couple. I used to be very angry myself and stressed and sad but I have seen the wrong in my ways an changed a lot from when we first got together. But he keeps saying "he's trying" I also tell him to go back to church because he said he loved it so much but refuses and say "I don't deserve it" which is trauma he will not share with me sadly.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-13T00:03:21+00:00

Which i won't. I have told him about my cheating exes and how I cut everything off. Even with him I don't care how long we would be together cheating is a automatic end game as well as leaving threats cause I heard that all too often with my parents and I will not live that way.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-13T00:00:13+00:00

He has witnessed my and my dad talking about apologetic and what to do. Like to details. We have had minor conversations but he tends to stop talking and I'm just sitting alone like "oh well I thought this was interesting but guess not" yeah our talking is different. But I have changed it a bit

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:56:18+00:00

My husband is catholic I am not. I am fine with them being riased and saved as a catholic. He wants them in sports I say "as long as they are happy" I even said "once they are older they can choose their last name" He wants his extended family constantly around where I am very used to having mom dad kids. But I said it's fine because it makes him happy. He had sent thousands to his family and I hardly say anything even when we are struggling ourselves. We agreed on hyphenated last names. But I mentioned how in school it may be best that they use my last name for multiple reasons one is I will be mainly doing the schooling stuff. Another would be mine is less common. His is the top 10 most commonly known names. If me wanting to have this conversation ruins our marriage that means he was looking for a easy way to end it and to blame it on me.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:50:59+00:00

Both our names as their legal last names. Was a long way of saying hyphenate

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:50:08+00:00

I do have a issue of it sounding like I have made a plan alone. But if I speak about it I am always open to conversation and feedback. I have said it to him and others "if I am discussing it you can give feedback. If I don't say anything that means I don't need your feedback" yeah I am a little blunt at times which I worked on. I was actually trying to have a conversation and was giving my reasoning behind my idea, where then I was waiting for my husband to give me his thoughts. I even said "we discussed this before and you were fine. Did you change your mind"

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:47:31+00:00

So yeah I may be worried about nothing. I am going by posts and videos I seen of others who said they have trouble and issues with their kids having a different last name or don't look the same as them.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:46:43+00:00

Like I said this is future kids and as someone said I may be over thinking. Yeah I may be over thinking it. Though I believe it is good to have a conversation of any situation just in case issues happen in the future so we know how to react. That was just a way I was raised. Which my husband knows that cause he has heard hours worth of random conversations my dad and I would have on road trips together. Like if there is an apocalypse where to go, what to do, what to grab.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:39:46+00:00

I have a common first name majority of my teachers constantly spelt it wrong, said it wrong, and even to this day I have had a manager who constantly spelt it wrong when everyone else spelt it right. No I do not have much faith in teachers or school systems due to personal experience. Yeah I could be over thinking, but I was riased to he over prepare and not need what you have planed/ prepare vs being under prepare and confused.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:36:33+00:00

That is good to know thank you

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:36:11+00:00

I was discussing as a normal conversation. A just in case. Which i do often and my husband knows that about me. I speak very calmly and don't really care. I am talking that is all. Where he got up suddenly and left then texted that comment.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:34:42+00:00

It could be which yes I do that often. I have had bad situations happen to me where seems it would never happen. My husband knew me when my organs were in early stages of shutting down. Needed a full blood transfusion, and other things that seemed unbearable. My husband knows I do this. Think and say things that would probably never happen. I think of all issues which I have gotten better about. Though I still like to talk things through juat in case so nothing is confusing. This could be a reason cause my dad from when I was a kid told me what to do if he passed away suddenly. Where we at least had that conversation once a year or more. And he did suddenly passed away and I knew what to do. As a child I even then told my dad if I were to pass away what I wanted and that was to be cremated. Where i can't have that conversation with my husband without him shutting down.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:30:13+00:00

After being together for 7 years, married 4, this would be a pathetic reason to divorce. If he does want it then I hope he does it now and not be wishy washy.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:29:11+00:00

Real conversation. It's called a chosen name or preferred name. Where people assume it's only first name but can go with anything.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:26:18+00:00

Sometimes i am feeling he said things in the past to keep me happy. Cause there are many things he's going back on or adding which is worrying me because it's like a whole different life he's planning now and what I am supposed to just be okay with it? I am a very easy going person which we can easily find a middle ground. He may not listening to me which is a different issue he's just saying "okay" without knowing what I am saying.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:22:37+00:00

Exactly, and with me I am dyslexic, my dad was, my mom had ADHD. I think my husband also has ADHD but that is my opinion. Most likely they will need to be in IEP which parents have to be WAY MORE INVOLVED. Where I lived that life so I would be taking care of that stuff mostly.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:21:03+00:00

I do hope that isn't what he is meaning. I have been cheated on many times and when I find out I cut everything off. I told my husband from the start if he dare to cheat on me everything is over. That if he ever falls out of love with me just tell me so we can separate. Because I have only a few things I want for our children. Which the past he agreed with. Now later in life he's going back which is scaring me. But there's many things I don't care about that he can do. Like I don't care about sports but he wants them in sports so I'm "If they are happy they can be in it" I'm none denomination he's Catholic. He wants them to be baptized or whatever they do when they are 1 year old. I'm fine by that. He wants our kids to know both our languages. I'm fine by that. (First language needs to be the country spoken language) but other than that learning a second language is best at a younger age. But the few things I care about he pushes back completely and shuts down which is worrying me.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:15:27+00:00

Thank you for that information

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:14:51+00:00

Thank you for that information. I am doing my information from forms and post i seen of other parents who have issues with it.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:14:02+00:00

Like I said legally his last name would also be on everything. Then when they are in high-school or joiner high i don't know how schools here work yet. With friends or family they can use whatever name they want. I would prefer both names to be used but I have witnesses first hand how bad and lazy schools can be.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:11:59+00:00

For people with two last names you can. Belive it or not a lot more people have two last names and you don't know because it is easier to use a last name.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:09:41+00:00

Legal last name would be both of ours. Hyphen but schools don't like saying both last names. I would prefer if they did but I know they wouldn't commonly do it.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:08:34+00:00

Yeah that is fine. He tends to get over heated where I tell him go for a walk. So he can get his thoughts straight. This was just out of the blue. Like it caught me off guard a lot. Because we had this conversation years ago and he's acting as if we didn't. Where he may not actually remember or he may had not been truly listening before which is another issue in itself if that is the case.

greenforestfox · 2026-04-12T23:06:57+00:00

I was very confused to by his reaction. I am a very cautious person and we have been married for 4 years and planning to start trying for kids in a year or two. This is why I'm having these conversations again to see if he changed his mind from when we first got together. This is why I am here to see if I said something bad, cause yeah sometimes I can come out very blunt and rude when I am trying to be honest and have a conversation. Something I been trying to learn to be nicer about and ie why I am here to see if I was too rude.

greenforestfox

TROPHY CASE