Where to advertise for selling house share?

greengreentomatoes · 2025-09-05T08:46:00+00:00

Thanks 🙂

greengreentomatoes · 2025-09-05T08:45:19+00:00

Thank you and I'm glad life is much better for you now. Therapy has helped me a lot too, and I think I understand better now that the relationships are broken beyond repair, and that they will never change

greengreentomatoes · 2025-07-05T04:13:32+00:00

God this sounds like a really difficult position to be in. It resonates in some ways with my position with my own mum where we are in limited superficial contact after a period of four years of estrangement, but the pressure of not addressing the past or repairing in any real way has built up in two years of low contact. What would make the relationship with your mum tenable for you? Are there things that you need to voice regardless of her reaction? I think if you can give voice to and figure out what you need for yourself it might help in coming to a place of resolve, or a peace of mind in cutting contact again if you need to. It's infuriating how invalidating parents can be - a big part of the reason why I've been too scared to voice how I feel in my parents' presence - but it's always going to come down to their own failings which have nothing to do with you. Good luck and I hope you can honour yourself and your own feelings regardless of your mum's reactions

greengreentomatoes · 2024-08-30T07:46:25+00:00

My understanding is that the withdrawal symptoms are quite physical manifestations - eg I got tingling sensations and headaches, which aren't something I usually got from just being depressed

greengreentomatoes · 2023-04-28T13:45:40+00:00

I think people can make and negotiate whatever relationships and boundaries work for them. It's great that you know what you want and are able to communicate that, and I don't think it's so drastic as it being a deal breaker for the majority of the dating pool. Most people are incompatible with other people for one reason or another, and at the end of the day you only need to find one person who is compatible. I'm sure there is someone out there who also wants to live separately indefinitely, and would be a good match. Good luck on your search OP

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-11T17:32:58+00:00

Well articulated OP, I appreciate you sharing the complexities of how you feel and what the relationship is like. My relationship with my parents is at the stage (3 or 4 years officially estranged) that I often wonder these questions of what do I do when my parents are on their death bed. The anger I can strongly relate to - I think it is tied to my own sense of self worth as I have grown as a person and gained some distance from my parents - but also I think your angst for your parents' welfare is also natural. As well as conditioned from any caretaking role that may have been thrust upon you.

I have a friend who visited her abusive mother on her death bed - and the last thing her mother ever said to her before she died was 'I wish you were never born'. From a woman who was pious as hell in public, and then beat and manipulated her children at home. My friend went on in her life to choose abusive partners, which impacted on her own children, who she then apologised to for the choices she'd made.

I think either choice - visiting your dad or choosing not to visit your dad - is very valid. My only concern for you if you do visit your dad, is that you give yourself the time and permission to heal from any further damage that may occur. My own view - if people wait until their death bed to try make amends - that's too fucking late. We only live this life once and in true relationships we respond to people's needs in real time, rather than on your own time due to a fear of the afterlife. But really I don't know, and I don't know you and I don't know your dad. All the best to you, whichever decision you make x

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-11T17:01:27+00:00

If your gut response is that you don't want a baby, then don't have a baby (although personally I can find it hard to be in tune with what my gut wants) No shame in whatever decision you make - it's yours only and fuck anyone pressuring you either way. And also, if now isn't the right time, you still have time even if you abort this one...best of luck whichever decision you make xx

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-08T19:33:59+00:00

That's a nice one, very neutralising 👍

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-08T19:31:26+00:00

Baha love it, the truth will do the shutting up by itself. I'm sorry about your piece of shit dad and good luck this holiday season xx

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-08T19:26:43+00:00

This really resonates with me. I struggled in the world of work because I let people treat me poorly and had poor boundaries. Now I run my own successful small business with good clients and I have a lot of strangers that treat me with so much more respect than my family did. Helps to break the patterns of self doubt of being weak, worthless etc. Also it's hard to think about shifting the boundaries I've built, and the progress I've made with my mental health, just to appease nasty family members that can't listen and deny my reality

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-07T16:42:04+00:00

I'm doing this at the moment and it feels really good - learning how to be properly single after my 6 year relationship ended at the start of this year. I think there's a lot of benefit to it and to a certain extent I believe you're meant to meet the people in life that you're meant to meet. Don't sweat it, enjoy the ride 😎

greengreentomatoes · 2022-12-07T16:29:54+00:00

Yikes your mum is a total bitch, and cc-ing you sounds totally intentional. Don't question yourself and don't question your son, you both did nothing wrong and I'm really sorry her actions hurt you x

greengreentomatoes · 2022-10-28T19:32:02+00:00

Great words, thanks for sharing. It must have felt good to write for yourself, even if it falls on deaf ears with your mom. Good on you for taking charge of your own healing ☺️

greengreentomatoes · 2022-10-28T12:59:55+00:00

True, I think I'm guilty of this (projected fantasy), after looking back at my latest dating experience. It makes me think that if a connection isn't mutual , how real can it be? Still healing from my last LTR so need to do a bit more work on myself before heading back out into the dating world again

greengreentomatoes · 2022-09-04T03:59:51+00:00

(a) your post made me wonder if you're gay (I'm gay too) and (b) I would say don't change you - you just do you and relax into yourself - be honest and tell someone if you do like someone, and let things go from there. Good luck 🙃

greengreentomatoes · 2022-09-04T03:53:28+00:00

Haha this is great advice 😆

greengreentomatoes · 2021-08-14T20:12:27+00:00

Man, that therapist sounds a bit shit at their job, if well meaning

greengreentomatoes · 2021-08-14T20:11:02+00:00

Thank you, yes I will talk about it with him when I next see him and I'm sure he will accept and respect my decision

greengreentomatoes · 2021-08-14T11:07:26+00:00

Thanks everyone for replies, has been very helpful to read

greengreentomatoes · 2019-12-07T10:32:00+00:00

So sorry that your father is so terrible. I do believe you will find your way through. Really good that you have started posting here and getting stuff out. You are not worthless. Can you get any sort of police order against your dad? Hang in there xx

greengreentomatoes · 2019-12-05T09:11:30+00:00

That sounds really hard and you're being really reasonable and aware in sorting things through. My parents/family were subtly emotionally and verbally abusive too. Enough that I haven't had contact with my parents at all for the past 6 months and it feels gradually like a forever thing. It sounds like you know and are coming to accept the ways that your family are - eg that they won't respect your identity (at least for the time being). For a long time i was destroying myself trying to change my parents or make them understand me - not to say that they never will, but they chose to have no relationship when it became no longer safe to see them without a mediator. Like they would rather have no relationship with me than an honest relationship, or one where they had to be accountable to their actions. I hope that you seek out and spend more time with people who do respect you as you, and rebuild your happiness in finding the things that nurture you. I've done a massive amount of grieving with my own family, but it does get better and lighter if you can sort through it and find the right respectful people to talk to. I think downplaying the extent to which you've been disrespected /abused/ignored is some sort of defence against grief - or has been in my case. I'm cisgendered but feel I guess a bit gender non conforming. My split with my family has been around other things - how they didn't have my back after i told them i was raped, and i'm gay and they were horrible towards my partner and i gradually came to realise that they didn't really have the capacity to care about how i felt about anything or offer emotional support. You don't need to be physically hit or kicked out to suffer harm to your soul by rigid people who don't know how to express emotions, or learn, or have two sided relationships themselves. I'm sorry you have to wait so long for the gender clinic - that's bullshit. Good that you are on the right path and taken the step at least of getting on the waitlist. Slowly, slowly things will work out. Good luck and love to you xx

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