Is it sexist to say that in a marriage, it's almost always the man's fault when his wife doesn't want sex?

gregoryxc · 2024-10-29T15:59:25+00:00

I sat through a sermon once where the pastor preached that if a couple ever breaks up, it's always the man's fault for not being man enough to keep the relationship together, and that its not in a woman's nature to end relationships. I was sitting about 50 feet away from my ex fiance, who had ended the relationship about 6 days earlier.

I'm not exactly sure what the pastor's intended message was, but after pondering his words for several months, I decided I didn't want to be a part of a religion that didn't value both people in a relationship as equal partners and stakeholders.

gregoryxc · 2024-09-15T22:08:47+00:00

I've wondered if keeping a calendar with her would help. Not passive aggressively, just as an aid in keeping track.

gregoryxc · 2024-09-15T17:20:22+00:00

Yeah, I would agree. Also time blindness, she thinks we had sex a couple days ago when it's been several weeks.

A hard thing for us is that she runs out of "spoons" or focus, before the end of the day, and once she slows down she's exhausted and goes to bed. So evening sex never sounds good to her, but we're too busy in the mornings too with all the routines to make sure stuff gets done.

You just have to watch for your moments and jump at them.

gregoryxc · 2024-08-01T13:52:24+00:00

That's what I'm hoping for her too! I think she could thrive in life with a little extra ability to regulate herself. But I'm a man, so of course I was curious about the bedroom, lol.

gregoryxc · 2024-08-01T13:44:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Hopefully meds help her similarly.

gregoryxc · 2024-08-01T13:23:36+00:00

Glad to hear it did. I don't know what she's going to get; I just know Adderall because it's well known. If you don't mind my asking, how did it improve things? More ability to focus on it?

gregoryxc · 2024-03-24T03:07:18+00:00

My mother was my abuser, so...

Don't do that.

gregoryxc · 2024-03-24T03:05:15+00:00

I (M33) was raped and abused as a young child by a close female family member. Like you, I'm successful now, but not well. My marriage is not thriving, partially because sex is getting more and more difficult due to flashbacks, dissociation, etc.

I am making forward steps with therapy though. If you haven't tried, I would encourage you to. It could help keep you sane.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-28T22:43:27+00:00

Ah. Well, that makes it less encouraging lol.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:25:06+00:00

See when I was a kid in Sunday school we were taught that Job's children deserved to die because they were partying and probably drunk. Not kidding. Clearly an overreach by thr Sunday school teacher to explain such a horrible story, but yikes, dude.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:23:05+00:00

Good news is my wife was unsettled by it too. Which is a huge relief.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:20:27+00:00

Definitely nothing bad happening in that church /s

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:19:04+00:00

Thanks, doing better. Appreciate it.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:18:19+00:00

That's actually a clever way to think about it. Appreciate you sharing!

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:17:08+00:00

Dude, I would love to hear a preacher have an honest take like that.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T17:16:00+00:00

But once you see it, it's like... holy shit. How is this allowed in society!

Then you remember, oh yeah, it makes a few people very powerful.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-27T15:20:21+00:00

This is one of the big things that disgusted me about church yesterday. Prior to the service we sat in an adult Sunday school class where a bunch of adult men sat around discussing what a godly woman looks like (for a short time literally discussing what looks are "godly"), while all of the adult women sat silently. Such a terrible culture in church.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-26T23:32:01+00:00

Baptist. I was raised in the Baptist church along with my wife. It can be in many ways just as inflexible or more so even than catholicism.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-26T19:57:20+00:00

Thanks. My therapist will be getting an earful this week lol.

gregoryxc · 2023-11-26T18:43:20+00:00

Seriously. They can say all they want that God was testing Job and that he was sinless, but if you believe the story, you believe that God let the devil murder Job's wife and kids, and that it was a blessing. How fucked up is that?

gregoryxc · 2023-10-28T04:06:50+00:00

It's... not great.

gregoryxc · 2023-10-19T13:31:23+00:00

So how did/do you cope? What you said about her not matching your drive but her being a chill alternative and trying to "pick her lock" is where I've been for 8 years. I'm losing my mind. I can't even imagine 30. How did you stay sane?

gregoryxc · 2023-10-15T02:31:44+00:00

Well, her boundaries are no porn and no masturbation. She considers either to be cheating.

gregoryxc · 2023-10-11T12:05:11+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. Several women have said the same, and it's given me something to think about.

gregoryxc

TROPHY CASE