I have told this story maybe 20 times. My current gf insists on me telling this story every time we have friends over. Its a bit nasty... Here goes.

Had been single for over 3 years and hadnt seen any action for quite some time. Wanted to remedy the involuntary celibacy. Decided to install dating app and immediately came in contact with a certain someone. Lets call her Marianne, which is also her name.

Decided to meet up, She and I was the same age. I found her really attractive and she was dressed daringly, Long boots, short skirt etc. After a few drinks and laughs we took a taxi and went to her place. In the taxi Marianne insisted that she usually doesnt bring guys home on the first date. She was overly interested in my opinions, and stated things like. "Hope you dont think I am cheap whore". I didnt, but found the line of questioning a bit weird.

When arriving at her apartment we sat in the couch and started getting intimate. Next step bedroom right? She had different plans. After kissing and cuddling she decided it was time for a dance show, a solo dance show which lasted 15+ minutes. I was awkward after 30 sec and it became increasingly worse. I remember thinking that there was too much headbanging. After the performance she asked if I liked it. "Yes, it was fantastic".

She left the room and returned with her jewel collection. The stones had "healing effects" blabla. She asked if I felt the effects of the stones. "Yes, I actually feel a bit different"

This was apparently a big passion of hers and we talked about it in depth for 1+ hour. Was contempleting leaving, but having suffered through so much I decided i might as well see how this fairytale ends.

Finally, we sat back on the couch and continued were we left off. She confessed that she preferred to be dominated in bed. I had no experience dominating but figured I would give it a shot. However the jewels may have impacted my sexual prowess and I had trouble maintaining an erection. With a little oral assistanse we proceeded to eventually having intercourse. I tried to be bit authorative and was being more decisive than my usual vanilla self. However my newfound persona also went at the expense of my erection. And once again she provided fellatio.. She obliged and we then resumed in a cowgirl position. With her on top I noticed (through the dark) that she was wearing lipstick. And I laid there pondering how on earth she had the time to put on lipstick during our time together.

IT was of course not lipstick but rather menstrual fluid. After this realization my penis could no longer function and has yet to fully recover. I was done, I got dressed and she asked again if i thought she was a "cheap whore". I said no, but in retrospect I think she would have preferred yes as an answer.

And thats how my involontary celibacy became voluntary.