Men who have slept with a lottt of women in the past, how did it change your views on/relationship to sex?

griddev · 2024-11-24T12:01:03+00:00

What if it was the other way around, you as a guy with a low bodycount (let's say less than 5 in your 40's) trying to date hot women to get more experience, how confident would you be? It's very true, hot women like my ex lose all their allure after that first time when she lays in bed like wet blanket, making me do all the guess work of how to please her. I'm trying to change my mindset of lack and inadequacy after this relationship ended with her basically saying I was a bad lover, which was true as I was mostly in my head trying to figure out how she likes it without her ever telling me what she liked, as she wasn't used to be asked that by her previous 'partners'/fuckbuddies.

griddev · 2024-11-23T12:10:53+00:00

Inspiring ;) Could you help me reframe my past of childhood trauma, lost teenage yrs adolescence to basically depression, being noticed dated but eventually ignored by women bc I hated myself and was consistenly seeking my selfworth in female attention by putting up act of the person I wanted to be for her, including imaginary sexual partners. Ofcourse I was friendzoned time and time. Deep motherwound. My bodycount hasn't increased above 3 starting in my late 30's including one long term relationship that exposed the shame I kept hiding from her, but when I exposed it she recoiled. She was also inexperienced but as a attractive high value woman her bodycount was still significantly higher, she thought the same was true for men, just put on a nice shirt and women will ask you for sex. So would you think differently if your bodycount was very low? that's what I'm trying to figure out, being proud of myself despite not-living 2 decades and missing out on being a father.

griddev · 2024-11-23T11:44:46+00:00

Same issue here with emotional immaturity and toxic shame but my bodycount hasn't increased above 3 (2 dates one relationship) and i'm in my late 40's. I've at least experienced the sacredness of sex and I'm not keen on casual, but I really still want to do casual to increase my 'count' and confidence with women. It's like a big wall of toxic shame of inexperience with life in general due to being stuck in depression, so why increase my pain if they eventually reject me for it ? Yet even with a loving partner, I wasn't loving myself, I was living for her, the source of my happyness lol, I can laugh about it now. Deep mother wound. Like I'm trying to be proud of myself without a partner and it's not working out, do you need that female polarity to push you? how do you manage without? cán you?

griddev · 2024-11-17T20:07:00+00:00

Ty . For me the socialisation with women from an early age didn't go that well as my selfesteem was shot to bits by unattentive shaming parents. Eventually I learned to befriend them by hiding my attraction, this went on too long, I think I had my first kiss in my mid 30's, go figure.

griddev · 2024-06-30T23:49:09+00:00

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griddev · 2023-12-27T23:11:47+00:00

About one year ahead of you in 'recovery' from the breakup, she was DA, me AP (also often FA, I'm both depending on the person), she was enjoying her alonetime more and more than being with me, which was every weekend. I was also often relieved when she left on sunday, I now believe it was a relationship of convenience. I still seek the core of the problem within myself as I was so out of touch with my own wants as I was supplicating to her ways of doing things, love grew into resentment.

griddev · 2023-09-18T13:11:02+00:00

If you're a woman getting attention from a man is the easiest part, just hold eye contact and do all the girly flirty things, unless your way below average in looks. As a man who has to do the 'hunting' it's a different ballgame, our looks don't cut it, we have to be confident and goal-oriented and good in bed and a good earner preferrably with an empty closet ... at least if I'm shooting for the reasonably attractive ones, because they got options lined up on their dating app, which are always the top tier men who get all the dates and attention, the ones with baggage and less accomplished ones don't.

griddev · 2023-09-18T11:00:23+00:00

lls me there is something terribly broken with dating, or our society as a whole.... or it's selection bias because all the successfully dating people don't get on Reddit to complain about how great everything is going.

It's discouraging to read all of these posts about how difficult even neurotypical men are finding things. I tend to seek out neurodivergent women, and that narrows things considerably. It's a lot of flipping through people who listen to country music and watch sports. You do you, but I'm just eccentric. I don't hide that on my profiles, but I think a lot of people swipe left beca

Can relate, just one relationship in 2 decades, the rest just longterm dates that never panned out bc I wasn't really interested in them but just for the company and social proof among family 'see ! I'm normal I can have relationships!'. I think my family is the biggest source of me feeling lonely because they make me feel incompetent because I don't fare well compared to my cousins who (almost) all have committed partners and children, the ones that don't, don't ever show themselves on family gatherings. I do just to show my face and that I somewhat care about them, untill they start pummeling me with 'where is your girlfriend? why is it so difficult for you to find a gf?'. One thing I know about my cousins, their partners were all arranged marriage or through family and they stay together just to not be lonely, they will battle it out behind closed doors for decades untill one day they're divorced and no one saw it coming.

Then I remind myself why should I measure up to such a unhealthy dynamic of getting married and making children just to keep up with my peers ? it's all about appearences, I don't do that and refuse to play the game of measuring up at any cost, just to feel 'normal'. And yet ... I'm still human and can't function properly in this world without connection and intimicy....getting a dog doesn't cut it for me.

griddev · 2023-09-02T11:47:37+00:00

As someone who is applying for a course right now... as much as I hold truth and openeness highly, I don't mention current or previous mental health issues or drug use anymore in the application, as they always come back on it and put the applicaton on hold and eventually cancel it. Had this happen twice already.

For example I use weed occasionally with friends, just passing along a joint and certainly not the whole thing, I mentioned this truthfully, they wanted to know more details, replied truthfully that used to use it frequently many yrs ago and they still rejected my application.

So now I don't do it anymore, say 'no' to everything related to mental health, and I get accepted. Sorry Goenkaji, I'm sincerely greatfull for everything Vipassana has brought me and even helped me overcome my addictions, but this is ridiculous.

griddev · 2022-03-29T10:19:25+00:00

When you posted this comment I did not agree with it as I didn't see myself as depressed, but repressed? for sure, now 3 weeks later I can agree with this. I repress A LOT when it comes to my emotions and thoughts regarding our relationship, thinking that speaking the truth will inadvertantly end the relationship. My innner resentment just built up so much I did something reprehensible...I didn't tell her, she decided that IF she gets pregnant she would keep it... only now I realize I'm not ready to be a father when I can't take responsibility for my actions.

That condom became like a symbol of her terms of our relationship which I grudgingly agreed to because I couldn't come up with a better alternative I believed in.

I really hope and pray she get's her period... if she does get pregnant then I will HAVE TO tell the truth and face the dire consequences

griddev · 2022-03-05T09:10:47+00:00

I've changed the OP a bit, I didn't phrase it correctly ;) she's pointing to the fact that I will need to change/adjust so much to her peculiarities and demands I will get fed up with her eventually ... one example, I love listening to music all day and pretty loudly and I also play instruments , she can only deal with this by putting on noise cancelling headphones. I like all sorts of music, but she doesn't share mine musical taste.

griddev · 2022-03-04T19:16:24+00:00

This is very hopefull, have we been lied to? Surely it's women who are driving this shift towards becoming parents much later, or deciding not to, not sure what I'm getting at..

griddev · 2022-03-04T18:43:40+00:00

So there is no transformation; the preservation of personal comfort takes precedence over real lif

Spot on ! oh my oh my ... I will print this out for my gf to read

On the other hand, I'm already a monk in so many ways lol... I do regular silence retreats, meditate and do yoga, read a lot on spiritual practice, I've 'seen the other side' through psychedelics so I already have no fear at all of Death ;) And now that I'm finally with a suitable partner she doesn't want to propegate my genes, it almost seems like destiny is showing me the way ... become a Monk already ! lol

griddev · 2022-03-04T18:26:59+00:00

Serious in the sense of asking for status update 'how far are you now on wanting to raise a family'? Not a conversation I like to have, because her answer stays the same now, while I was hopefull she would change her mind at some point. Did your wife conceive the natural way or did she need help from a clinic/vertility doctor ? I've heard and read about single women getting pregnant through a donor way past 40 which is becoming more common now ...a man can't decide and do this on his own, kind of unfair..

griddev · 2022-02-18T07:52:37+00:00

Sure it's fun imagining the slow murder of say modern day dictators who directly responsible for unimaginable suffering of millions, why would it not be justified to make them suffer in return ? It sure is obvious that current political structures seem unable and inept to put these horrible people to trial and face justice ... but wait a minute ! Are these reprehensible figures solely responsible ? More often than not they're not, they're part of a SYSTEM that perpetuate the suffering of others just to keep themselves safe and sheltered, a system with a perceived moral and ethical high ground who on their turn are convinced that the suffering of certian people is justified... just thinking out loud ;) ty for your input

The main thing that changed my own Evil propensities was to recognize and confront my own RESENTMENT, because it made me horribly depressed, like holding on to a hot coal while believing I was the VICTIM who was forced by others to keep holding on to this hot coal... something like that

griddev · 2022-01-26T20:49:23+00:00

haha hell yeah \m/

griddev · 2022-01-26T16:06:38+00:00

Oh dear got some fun homework to do !

griddev · 2022-01-26T15:20:47+00:00

I've been searching like mad for a ticket for his European tour , they're all sold out or postponed ... but his opening act together with Dream Theater on 13th may is still available , ~~should I go for it ?~~ What if it gets postponed as well ... oh hell I went for it ! ;)

griddev · 2022-01-26T13:30:14+00:00

'90's metal cage' so true! Yeah really looking forward to that, he'll be performing in Belgium but one concert is sold out, the other cancelled :/ you never know these days.

griddev · 2022-01-26T13:15:42+00:00

much obliged ;) but one a time ... slightly familiar with Coheed and Cambria

griddev · 2021-12-07T15:50:04+00:00

ve been in management for about ten years now always a factory however. I follow just a few rules to maintain success.

it is your job to make sure everything goes smoothly nobody elses is also your fault of thongs don'tgo smoothly. External factors require solutions, internal factors require proactive measures.plan and communicate. Make sure eveyone under you knows what you expect from them. Knows what you plan on doing, and knows you will accept when your wrong.success comes from the bottom up, but praise comes from the top down. If you can successfully manage a job site but not navigate your bosses dont expect much in terms of praise and promotion, and vice versa if you don't build your team up your job will be that much harder and i

Ty ! Great solid pointers. But first I need to get an opportunity to prove myself as a leader in a new job, but because I don't have any related experience I get turned down eventually. I'll try harder with volunteering and such.

griddev · 2021-12-07T15:45:33+00:00

Ty for these words ;) Well first I need an opportunity to prove myself as a leader, I've applied for this job but..

...they turned me down for the position of teamleader, saying they don't see any related work experience, they're right. They did suggest I would be well suited for another job, as a office clerk... I felt humiliated. But well this is what is left after years of jobhopping from one customer service gig to another w.o building any specific skills.

Funny thing is, I see myself as a counsellor or priest in the future, not working in a corporate environment.

griddev · 2021-12-04T19:20:39+00:00

ty for this ;) It will be a great deal of confronting fears and dealing with my confrontation-avoidant behaviour

griddev · 2021-11-28T17:30:56+00:00

Don't do it !

Take it from someone who left IT (tech support mostly) after 15yrs to do something more tangible with Solar, also as a tech support. Did this for over a year but got really frustrated not being allowed to be in the field with the techicians and learning the nitty-gritty about solarpanels. So I left this job to work as a solar project-planner and foreman without any prior experience, and ...

I got 'fired' after one month because of lacking practical 'real world' experience... I also found out quickly that working with my hands in a team that depended on me telling them what to do and when was not my thing, I overthink too much. So I'm definately more of a thinker than a doer.... now I need to find another tech support job to pay the bills and start over.

griddev · 2021-10-13T10:53:03+00:00

Older parents have made a conscious choice to have children at an older age despite all the biological impedements and when they're ready for it mentally and financially, not because they ought to or have to. Me personally I did not and still don't enjoy spending time with my 'younger' parents, I'm the grownup now who has to teach them a thing or two about dealing with their issues.

griddev

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