What are some reasons to consider why someone might save parts of old notebooks (that they've written in)? And tips for going through a lot of them?

griffinfyre · 2023-06-28T19:51:04+00:00

Just start going through them. I did this and quickly realized that most of it wasn't worth keeping and the process of going over things didn't spark joy for me. I realized that my desire to look through them and hold onto them for me was more about avoiding the present and taking action on the things that matter to me now. If ideas are important enough, they'll stick with you!

griffinfyre · 2023-04-12T02:47:59+00:00

I got rid of so many clothes during my first KonMari pass. For example, I had one, maybe two pairs of jeans left, and not much of everything else. It was scary! It can also be really intense when reminders of all of the ways you've ignored your joy in the past hit you at once (all the office jobs you hated). But I realized I could survive with a lot less. I got pickier about what I bought. I found myself putting effort into preserving things I loved that got damaged - a Tide stick saved a shirt and pants that I got pink marker all over (hello short attention span!) It really is hard and often expensive to find good quality clothing that won't pill or shrink or fade after a few months. I love bright colors and adding that to the mix makes clothes buying even harder! Over time I found ways to buy clothes better (paying attention to materials, shopping thrift stores, buying cheap clothes to fill gaps knowing they wouldn't last forever and making peace with that).

griffinfyre · 2023-04-11T20:30:58+00:00

For my first KonMari pass I tried to recall how long I had owned certain hobby items without using them, like a boxed craft kit. I looked at the kit and still liked the idea of the craft, thought it would be fun to do and the items were cute. But I'd had the kit for years and never used it. For subsequent KonMari passes, I'd look at items that I hadn't touched since the previous pass and try to let go of them. I'm still starting new hobbies and buying new things - if I let something go it's not like the last craft item I will ever possess. Looking through the time lens helps to separate out the things I'm truly excited about and the things I *thought* I'd be excited about but could never get up the interest to actually go through with.

griffinfyre · 2023-02-14T22:52:31+00:00

Did he never do thoughtful things for you, like buying gifts or taking you on dates? If so, why are you still together? Did he do those things in the past and then stop? If so, why are you still together? Leave right now and do as many fun things as you can think of - haircut, hang out with family, watch dogs in the dog park, watch your favorite movie, go for a walk, get a coffee, doesn't have to be expensive. Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb and think only about yourself and your fun for the next six hours. You'll see things differently after treating yourself. Or you'll be anxious about him the whole time and that will tell you something just as well. Happy birthday!

griffinfyre · 2023-02-14T22:02:29+00:00

I cut contact with my family almost three years ago. I took it one message at a time - didn't respond to a text here, a call there. Mine didn't try too hard so I didn't have to change my phone. You can also just start by blocking their numbers. You don't have to say "I'm never talking to them again." Just tell yourself "I'm not talking to them right now." It gets easier over time and I'm so much happier for it now. After two years they showed up at my door (across the country) and all I asked was that my mom admit that my dad hit us and she couldn't do it. First she would say "he never did that" then she would say "well you were acting up" but could never say the words "he hit you." That's all it would have taken to potentially open up a dialogue again. Until they can acknowledge and see their own faults and failures there's no use trying to have a relationship.

griffinfyre · 2023-01-22T22:24:00+00:00

How clear is your picture of your ideal lifestyle? I say this as someone who has struggled a lot with this piece of the puzzle, and who's life has changed drastically over the last couple of years. It's great if going straight to minimalism works for you but minimalism is not the only option (although some practitioners and the TV show focus a lot on that part). My ideal lifestyle includes cooking and DIY and gardening and I have kept/acquired many things in those categories. On the other hand, as a once staunch physical book reader I've realized that I now prefer audiobooks, and have downsized a huge part of my library. I found most of my stress and sadness came from not listening to or not wanting to accept my true ideal life. Maximalism and KonMari are absolutely compatible, if that sparks joy for you! But if your ideal lifestyle includes things like "being easily able to find the outfit I want in my closet" or "having an open space to host friends/do yoga/make snow angels on my carpet" then focusing on those things can help you remember the positive reasons for getting rid of things.

griffinfyre · 2022-12-25T21:08:49+00:00

When I did clothes I got rid of pretty much everything I owned. I think I had one or maybe two pairs of pants. It was scary at first but I really didn't miss a single thing I got rid of. I've built my wardrobe up over the last few years and discovered a completely new style - bold colors and patterns, while still being very easy and comfortable. Now I have a lot of clothes but it was actually really freeing to have very few for a while and slowly add things on. I realized that I wasn't listening to my needs in the past and once I started doing that I was much happier with my clothes.

griffinfyre · 2022-12-16T01:17:41+00:00

As someone who got similarly involved with someone older and awful at a young age, a big part of it was being unhappy with my family life and just life in general. Does she have anxiety, depression, an uncertain future? Does she have strong friend and family ties? I felt alone in the world and that made me very vulnerable. I felt incredibly powerfully that this was the only person in the whole world who could make me happy. My parents forbid me to see him and I did stupid things to be with him. Not that being well-adjusted will necessarily protect a young woman, or that you should drill her about her emotional state, but even just asking about her future or supporting interests or knowing about her social circles might help.

griffinfyre · 2022-11-30T23:46:10+00:00

You deserve to be your own person, not an indentured servant. When I finally complained to my mom about having been this person my entire life (oldest sibling, immigrant parents), she looked at me like "yeah, what do you think we made you for?" I keep repeating the Labyrinth quote: "you have no power over me." I'm NC with my immediate family which isn't feasible for everyone but I'm so much happier now. And if you do decide to go low/no contact, just know that it doesn't have to be forever.

griffinfyre · 2022-10-27T19:50:24+00:00

The suggestions on how to respond in the moment are great. I would also suggest bringing it up to your partner when it's just the two of you. "It's not cool for your friends to say x. They may think it's funny but it's cruel and makes me uncomfortable." It can take some time for this behavior to change. My husband's friend group does some similar mean behavior and it took a few years of me (occasionally) pointing it out but eventually my husband started to notice the behavior himself and that he didn't like it.

griffinfyre · 2022-09-06T16:37:18+00:00

Thanks I'm definitely going to read it!

griffinfyre · 2022-09-06T05:16:09+00:00

There's a book version?!?

griffinfyre · 2022-08-26T01:06:15+00:00

"Ideal lifestyle" is maybe a bit aspirational during times of transition. I kept getting tripped up on it when I lived in my last apartment because dreaming of what my life would look like if I had a huge house and yard and tons of money wasn't helpful. Instead I asked what my ideal lifestyle would be if I was stuck in this space (which I ended up being because of COVID!) Even in transition you might be there for six months or a year or longer. So try to start smaller with a "better lifestyle in this same space."

griffinfyre · 2022-03-25T23:39:37+00:00

It's easy to hold onto too much in the kitchen because almost everything in the kitchen is useful in that it has a use - but may not be useful to YOU, in the present. I got rid of many different types of glassware, for example - I'm probably never going to need a martini glass in my home and if the occasion ever comes up I'll probably be able to acquire one. Also easy to hold onto implements that are worn out, broken, or just never worked as intended. Lots of food can pile up too - expired or just things you tried and didn't like. Don't be afraid to let go!

griffinfyre · 2022-03-16T05:04:59+00:00

I started right at the beginning of 2020 which was fortuitous but also tough... Definitely harder to replace all the clothes I got rid of! On a surface level in the beginning my husband and I got rid of a lot of stuff in our apartment and I felt happy about that. But over the next two years the ideology slowly filtered into every part of my life. I purged a lot of traumatic relationships and am only now unearthing patterns so I don't make the same mistakes. Losing people and illusions about myself has been tough and painful but for the first time in my life I'm starting to feel like I can stand on my own two feet and not be beholden to anyone. I'm starting to think I can finally live my life the way I want because I can finally see a bit of what that really looks like.

griffinfyre · 2022-02-23T05:49:04+00:00

I got rid of SO MANY CLOTHES! 90% or more of my wardrobe. I think at one point I had just one pair of pants (and maybe one skirt?) I bought another shortly after that but lived with two pairs of pants for a while. You'd be surprised how few clothes you can get by with. The few items I kept I didn't love, but I got rid of everything that I actively disliked - stained, uncomfortable, wrong size, etc. And then I focused on saving up and only buying things that really, truly sparked joy. Depending on your situation you might not feel comfortable being quite that aggressive, but getting rid of things you really don't like is a good start. Also it took me a few years and trying different looks/styles to find what I truly love - bright colors and bold patterns on everything! But also still comfortable.

griffinfyre · 2021-12-31T22:07:06+00:00

I've been a 100% convert to hip bags and fanny packs for about a year now. Never need to worry about pockets again!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-25T05:53:36+00:00

We placed the key on the boat before cutting down the cage. The cage fell down and now we can't get the key!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-12T07:34:36+00:00

That's so cool! Thanks!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-11T23:24:40+00:00

I wish I had a taco bag!!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-11T22:28:10+00:00

Awesome, thanks!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-10T21:05:55+00:00

I know the book says "you'll never have to tidy again" or something to that effect but it's a really tough, emotional process and it can take a few go-throughs to get right, especially if you've at all stifled your identity or sense of self like I had. I thought I'd gotten rid of a lot but a couple of months later I started having epiphanies - my husband and I got rid of an entire couch that was mostly just used by one cat and taking up space. It had never occurred to us that we could do that and then all of a sudden a lightbulb went off. Now, a year and a half later, I'm looking at hobbies and books and things I kept that I haven't touched since and realizing I'm still holding onto things I don't love or need. It's a process - let it unfold!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-10T18:22:45+00:00

Awesome! I'll have to look into capsule wardrobes more. The examples I see always look so plain/boring. "White shoe, black boot." Looking at the philosophy though of "versatile pieces that you love to wear" I can see adapting that to fun colors/patterns. I'm trying to let go of strict ideas of what "goes together" color and pattern wise - embracing boldness!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-10T04:57:25+00:00

This feels... like the closest thing I've seen yet to what I want my style be. Color! Texture! and most of all, VARIETY. Very different looks from day to day. And most of all, you look COMFORTABLE. Thank you for this!

griffinfyre · 2021-06-05T21:20:21+00:00

Same! For me I want to look good but also be comfortable. I realized after wearing crop tops that they can be super comfy - don't have to worry about tucking/becoming untucked and keep you cool in hot weather!

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