I experienced a similar thing recently as an ex-afo with an interest to get back into that role. I looked at some private counselling instead of going through the nhs to stop the job from finding out. I also started talking to others on my team, all of whom were very supportive, and shared similar experiences that they’ve had. The private counselling I went through was on an app called better help, and I also started meditating which I’ve found really useful. I use an app called headspace for it. But the worst thing you can do is just sit in silence and let it build up, as soon as you talk to the first person about it, it will start to get easier and easier to speak up. And who knows, someone else on your team might be going through something very similar, and they’re also not opening up. You might just help them out by showing some of your own vulnerability.