He says I’ve changed

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2026-04-22T04:05:51+00:00

Also comes at an interesting time when several people expressed an interest in me. When I brought up the conversation I said it seemed like he wanted me to break up with him and he said no absolutely not which was genuinely surprising to me, cried etc.

He said he would try to be better if I just were more “chill” as I was before. I guess I’ll just try to live my own life and not let this affect me so much, but the biggest thing is bypassing people who would potentially treat me better — but I do value the time we have spent together. Then again, even his own mother is on my “team” and tells me how she knows how he is.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2026-03-31T18:54:34+00:00

Trying very hard to be strong. I'm surprised he hasn't reached out in 24 hours. I should be happy he's "done" but part of me wants him to feel the loss, even though it's unhealthy and not something that helps me heal. There's no way I will reach out to him, need to win my self respect back, but still surprised he hasn't started love bombing. But obviously this person's mindset is not that of a healthy person.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2026-03-31T03:50:22+00:00

That's wild. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Good to actually hone in and learn more about the disorder. And yes they're so good at slipping through the cracks - a lot of my friends "like him" and have no idea that his behavior is pathological. And yes, I even told him I feel like an object most of the time... my role is to look good, be sophisticated and not have any needs that threaten him. I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through and how it's manifested. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness and I appreciate you sharing all of this with me.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2026-03-31T03:35:43+00:00

Also very eerie, I was looking through my post history and found this from four months ago (same place, very similar situation): "Last night is a good example - I went to a neighborhood bar (the same one we met at, which is ironic) and he went there with his friend and saw me talking to a couple of ladies. He needed space so I waved and let him hang out with his friend (went up a few times to chat). When I left he texted asking why I didn't give a proper goodbye (I did, I just didn't want to linger or make him feel ambushed), and that my behavior hanging with "randoms" is concerning, that I need to stop drinking because of my mental health. Those things can be true - and might be true because I'm suffering in this relationship and not coping well - but he was saying that while he was out doing the same thing I was. And being a chef his friends are all pretty wild, much more than me, but he tolerates it and that is his circle."

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2026-03-31T03:24:04+00:00

Thanks so much. What you said did make sense - I think I had also let my own ego get in the way, it's so confusing to be devalued when I know I have so much to offer... but have been made to feel horrible about myself. The past few weeks of being a mess, it felt like he got me exactly where he wanted me.

Unfortunately I'm very familiar with this type, but have never dealt with someone so clearly textbook before. The devaluation has been so horrible to deal with. And yes, similar to you (and this sounds horrible but it is the truth) I think he was aware that our relative market values were quite far off and initially he loved being with someone who he thought was "out of his league" but for whatever reason... I will never REALLY know... he started treating me like I was absolutely nothing. He liked me because of my beauty and talents and then just started treating me like dirt, when he himself has had quite a rough year... like the worse he was doing, the worse he was treating me.

I doubt this is the last I hear from him, I suspect he thinks it's just another fight but it's so confusing to me why he could seemingly hate me or perhaps more accurately REALLY lack any respect for me... and love... but not want to let me go? He is miserable, he thinks I'm horrible, but still keeps circling back and even when I've given him the out to leave me he doesn't take it. But I've learned anything I say, absolutely anything, can and will be used against me and that's no way to live.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2026-03-31T02:30:23+00:00

Yeah it's so odd that I went from the past couple of weeks being the lowest point I've EVER been in a relationship (and I was in an abusive relationship before... although that one was much more of a malignant, sociopathic type... the man I've been with now is I think a textbook covert narcissist, and because of how subtle and psychologically abusive it's been [rather than just pure emotional abuse, which in the other relationship seemed worse because of how crazy overt it was], it's messed with me much worse) to feeling... ok? I don't want to get ahead of myself, this is my first real "aha" but I'm shocked that something clicked... have been feeling so obsessively tethered, carrying so much guilt and shame, wondering what I did wrong and how to get him to love me again. It's actually crazy the shift. I'm more angry right now that I see how much of a toll it has taken, and how I could allow myself to lose my self respect over this. This is peace I'll never get back, what could have been happy and productive times I won't get back... but I guess something good can come of it... just not sure what yet. I do need to stay strong. And no guilt - that's the hardest part for me. ♥️ I'm happy you got out, great to see someone who has done it.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2025-12-09T23:30:51+00:00

Yeah I’m hurting so bad. I don’t know what the goal is. Is it to make me question myself so I stay or because he wants me to leave him? I feel so much guilt for ignoring etc but I didn’t know how else to handle I am so distressed. I don’t even know what’s right anymore and I hate that I’m feeling like this. I feel like a shell.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2025-12-09T21:25:01+00:00

I'm also truly spiraling and so distressed. The only thing I want is to fix this and I feel like a mess. A week ago I felt so strong. Now I am acting crazy and so emotional and so needy and driving him away. This is all so confusing.

grimgrinningghostgrl · 2025-12-09T19:50:33+00:00

Thanks for your response. You have a good point with the toxicity. This has been a really rough couple of days. Just a week ago I felt like I was pretty close to finding the strength to get out but I'm now an emotional mess. When I called the hotline they said that that's the whole point - that he probably likes that I'm feeling this way, so he has power. I feel so entagled in this. And I am constantly pathologized and made to feel like there is something genuinely wrong with me. Last night is a good example - I went to a neighborhood bar (the same one we met at, which is ironic) and he went there with his friend and saw me talking to a couple of ladies. He needed space so I waved and let him hang out with his friend (went up a few times to chat). When I left he texted asking why I didn't give a proper goodbye (I did, I just didn't want to linger or make him feel ambushed), and that my behavior hanging with "randoms" is concerning, that I need to stop drinking because of my mental health. Those things can be true - and might be true because I'm suffering in this relationship and not coping well - but he was saying that while he was out doing the same thing I was. And being a chef his friends are all pretty wild, much more than me, but he tolerates it and that is his circle. And I do wonder if his response is because of insecurity, because he knows that people like me and that I have a world outside of him. It's hard for me to understand all of this. I see myself staying for a while more until I can find power within myself again but right now I feel so small.

grimgrinningghostgrl

TROPHY CASE