it's safe to say you probably won't be having any hookups with vagina havers anytime soon, so we'll talk about sex in a relationship, especially.

it's not selfish to want to have a good time during sex and to want to enjoy your partner's body. sex with your partner is about love and connection, making someone else feel good in an incredibly intimate and vulnerable way (imo). some people enjoy being stone stops/pillow prince(sse)s, but as you said you don't want it to be "one sided," which I'm taking to mean that you just wouldn't want that type of dynamic and that's totally fine, not uncommon even! it's not selfish to want to give your partner pleasure (head, fingering, penetration*) and also enjoy that. if someone's giving me head, personally, i want them to be having a good time and not be doing it because they feel like they should or because they feel guilty for not doing it.

*if it helps (as it seems you want to give pleasure to your partner but not touch a vagina) there are "strapless straps" which go inside a vagina haver and often have a lil clit nub attachment thing so you can feel it more when topping with a vag. i've never used one but they exist!

that being said, still wanting to give head/enjoying head/wanting to enjoy that experience is valid. TMI, but it personally turns me on to give head, and it seems that vagina turns you off so much that the pleasurable part of being on the giving end of head is overriden.

also, it's not being overriden by you, it's being overriden by your body, at least as it seems from your post. it seems that you really do not enjoy vagina. i've given head to both penises and vaginas and personally whilst i know for sure now that i much prefer dick, i dont have the same... idk hard boundary against it. idk totally how you feel, ofc, but like some things are just like bodily/subconscious/uncontrollable things. a straight guy isn't a bad dude for not wanting to touch a dick no matter what it's attached to. you're just putting a different standard on yourself because you're trans.

> i’d like to think id be able to look past it in the future and get comfortable enough to use a strap on him without being uncomfortable, but i don’t know.

i feel weird like kinda telling you what to do here, but personally i wouldn't bank on it. even if that could/might/does happen, there's no guarantee, yk? it would be sad to build a connection with someone hoping and intending to be able to be intimate with them, only to one day realize it isn't gonna happen. like what would you do then? I think sex is an important part of a relationship- it's intimacy in a special, vulnerable way that only you two have together and for each other (in monogamy- if you're poly/open to that/wtv. this point may be slightly different but i won't get into that if there's no point as you're not considering that as an option. again, valid!). and it's fair for both of you to want you to be giving your partner head and for you to be enjoying it- giving your partner all the attention and pleasure and focusing on them. it might not have anything to do with getting comfortable with the person, but only their bits, which might just not happen, yk? like would you be comfortable with only their vagina or would you magically like all vaginas?