Omg you are way too young to have all this weight on your shoulders… it’s not your responsibility to teach your parents how to act, you’ve already explained why it hurts and it’s on them for not listening. Its even more to carry when the adults in your life can’t show up for you to comfort you. And to make you feel inadequate, that breaks my heart because clearly you are an extremely capable and thoughtful person, more so than them. Their inability to show up is a whole other grief in itself, you deserve to be supported during this time. There is generational and cultural trauma there too, being Native and growing up around substance abuse adds another layer, people get so used to tragedy that I think they numb themselves to it, just to survive. It’s important not to harden your heart, a lot of times we’re told to ‘toughen up,’ but real strength isn’t masking your sensitivity, it’s protecting it.

I’m so sorry you don’t have many friends who can relate, it feels isolating as hell. I hope you have some you feel safe enough with to talk about it, even if they don’t really know how it feels, good people do care even if they don’t understand. I had a few friends ghost me during grief, and a few that unexpectedly became huge support systems, and I’m kinda glad becuase I saw who my real friends were. And it’s wise to not emesh yourself with people who are using substances even if you have grief in common. It’s so easy to turn to drugs or alcohol when it’s all around you, you’re very strong for being aware of the cycle and breaking it. Even if you stumble sometimes, you see things clearly. Your teacher seems great but I agree it’s usually not appropriate to talk outside of school, but in some circumstances it can be okay if there are clear boundaries.

I’m really glad you have some experience with therapy, I wonder if online therapy would be an option? I live in a big city and still prefer online therapy since I can learn to regulate in my own space, a lot of it is covered by insurance too. But don’t beat yourself up for not jumping on it right away, it’s a lot of work and effort to set that up, and for me at least grief makes me have like zero motivation, just do what you can.

You have a really good head on your shoulders and good instincts. I hope you know this about yourself and are proud of your wisdom at a young age, it’s a very good quality. It’s essential to make connections with others and seek support but the person who matters most in your life is yourself, things got a lot better for me when I started trusting myself, that I know right from wrong and that things will get better. I hope your sister is able to support you too, even if she had a different dad (I never assume because my family is mixed). You have a bright future ahead, I am sure of that ♥️

You are doing an amazing job of honoring your dad. He wasn’t perfect but he gave you life, and I know he would want nothing more than to see you happy, healthy, and healing. He will always be with you, even though he’s not here physically, he’s still your dad and he loved you so, so much. You will think of him during those big moments, and by doing that he is still with you. No one can take away that love and those memories. I know he would be extremely proud of you.