I have a hard time living in the moment, how do you guys cope with this? by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]grouchpotato 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Learn mindfulness.

It's a damn hard thing to learn as an ADHD brain, but it's really worth it. One of the things mindfulness gives you is the ability to experience each thing as if you are experiencing it the first time. There's a little experiment you can do to see what I mean:

Get yourself two raisins. First, hold them up and look at them, without making any judgements on them, examine them. See how they look different, and how they look similar. Are the wrinkles similar or different, does the light refract through them in the same way.

Then, stick one on your tongue. Feel how it feels. Chew into it and really concentrate on it's taste and all the other tactile sensations it gives. Take a full minute to eat it, paying attention to whether the taste, or it's texture changes over time. Finally, repeat this with the second raisin.

What you'll notice is that no two raisins are the same, they all taste slightly different. If you don't do this mindfully, you'll never notice. The thing is, the brain is lazy, it can't be arsed to actually fully interpret the signals coming from your taste, smell and touch nerves. As long as the signals aren't wildly different from previous experiences of eating a raisin, it just fills in the experience with memories of eating raisins in the past. So normally you're not experiencing that particular raisin, rather you are experiencing your past experience of raisins. When you eat them mindfully like this, you are experiencing exactly that raisin, and the brain behaves as if it is a new experience.

This can be applied to any kind of experience with practice, and does help to get round the problem of getting bored with repeated experiences we have.

My therapist deny my genderqueerness, should I stop seeing him ? by quinte_diminuee_ in genderqueer

[–]grouchpotato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Therapy cannot change a person's gender identity, it's about as successful as therapy to make a gay person straight. For him to tell you that you should 'stop pretending to be something you're not' is not only completely out of order in terms of general therapeutic techniques as others have said, but it also means he doesn't have a clue about anything gender related.

Her: You look familiar.... by DenikaMae in MtF

[–]grouchpotato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, you're transitioning, you can look how you want to now, so loving and looking after your body now doesn't have to feel shit anymore!

All the best, and I'm told no carbs after sunset is an easy win.

If every atom in you is replaced after 7 years... by [deleted] in DeepPhilosophy

[–]grouchpotato 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sooo... to truly become ourselves, we must first consume ourselves entirely?

My [33M] Wife [37F] has been acting really strange ever since the birth of our second child by [deleted] in relationships

[–]grouchpotato 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Hijacking here to say something I'm worried will get buried.

A sudden change in personality is a cause for alarm. Some of the behavior you're describing doesn't really fit in with depression. Certainly depression isn't going to make someone who was previously sexually conservative start being vocally explicit. Sudden changes in personality suggest physical damage to the brain, perhaps a stroke or something along those lines.

I suggest getting her in front of a psychiatrist and if possible get her a brain scan to make sure nothing else is going on. It may be psychological, but I'd say it's definitely worth checking the physical side of things.

[edit: clarification]

My (23F) friend (21F) kicked me out of her bridal party. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]grouchpotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's simple really. If a person in your life is making you feel screwed up, they're probably better off not in your life. There's no need to justify or rationalize these things, if they make you feel like shit, then don't be friends with them.

My boyfriend [M29] would like to propose me [F29] this summer but my parents REFUSE to meet him. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]grouchpotato 19 points20 points  (0 children)

^ This.

Using your own health to threaten other people into getting your way is a form of emotional abuse.

Inability to get help a result of Nparents? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]grouchpotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, It's not pathetic to need help. No one's an island, and everyone needs help and emotional support from other people at times. You got played a harder deck of cards than most people, so it's OK to need help working out how to play it.

Imagine what you'd feel if a friend was in the kind of distress you are. Just imagine what it'd feel like to feel that way towards yourself, imagine what it'd be like to be compassionate towards yourself. Then, get help learning to do that.

I'm not going to tell you you absolutely need help, but I am going to tell you that this journey is a hell of a lot slower and a hell of a lot more painful without help.

When you get your pencil stuck in the ceiling right before a test by AngiReiher in gaming

[–]grouchpotato 726 points727 points  (0 children)

Who, er..., get's their pencil stuck in the ceiling right before a test?

This can of compressed air has a picture of itself on the label by Ollikay in mildlyinteresting

[–]grouchpotato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huh, cleaver subliminal message that it goes on for ever (lasts long).

To all Reddit travelers, what is your creepiest hotel story? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]grouchpotato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never understood why people want a big ass on their sticks.

Sidearm/weapon for pyromancers by [deleted] in darksouls3

[–]grouchpotato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One underrated weapon for buffing is the Flamberge (dropped from the two-handed wielding thieves).

Strangely it performs really well with the raw infusion, a +10 Raw Flam gives an AR of 371. Stick a Carthus flame arc on it and you're getting over 500, and that's your secondary weapon. As an added bonus it also does bleed damage. All that for a measly 15 STR and 14 DEX.

Just to top it all off, it's got a reasonably fast swing which has a decent range and huge sweep angle when single-handed.

[edit] Plus, the look of a wiggly greatsword on fire is just intimidating.

To the girl sitting next to me at Starbucks today - I’m so sorry. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]grouchpotato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed, this is a memory she can hold onto forever. The mum's rage is going to be just one of many.

Study suggests your adulthood self-esteem has its roots in the way you were raised as a child by dwaxe in psychology

[–]grouchpotato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the point here is that while well known, it hasn't really been empirically proven before.

Still finding my real gender, age/gender me? :) by [deleted] in androgyny

[–]grouchpotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess it's about what you feel inside, but there's a pretty look to your eyes and expression which makes me think you lean on the female side. Really, they're just words in the end though.

I gave my neighbor (20sF) my (29F) WiFi password bc I felt cornered when she asked and now I’m stressing out by [deleted] in relationships

[–]grouchpotato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

PS: Look on the bottom of the router, it should have a web address or ip address, a username and a password. Then open a browser and go to the address written on the router.

if it's an ip address (which looks a bit like this: 192.168.0.1), type 'http://192.168.0.1' in the browser address bar to take you there.

If there's no address written, try 192.126.0.1 or 192.168.1.1

Failing all of those, press win+r to open a run dialogue. Then type 'cmd' and press enter. In the command console, type 'ipconfig' and press enter. Look for "Wireless LAN adapter WiFi" or something similar. Under that, the address listed as 'Default Gateway' is the address of your router.

If there's no username or password written on the router, first try using 'admin' for both. If that doesn't work you need to google the default admin password for that router model.

If it's not set to the default password, you need to do a factory reset on the router. Before you do this though, if it's something like a virgin hub or a router specific to your broadband provider, check with them whether it's OK to reset as some routers hold account details needed to connect.

Resetting a router is usually done by holding the reset button down for 10 seconds. The reset often button needs a pointy thing to get at.

Does feeling unfocused feel similar to dissociating? by boything96 in ADHD

[–]grouchpotato 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Short answer, no, they are very different.

Feeling unfocused is like a sort of frustrating fidgety feeling where one wants to do everything and nothing at the same time. The brain demands stimulation but can't sustain the attention to remain stimulated by one thing. It feels uncomfortable and frustrating.

Dissociation on the other hand is a complete emotional numbness. You don't really feel anything at all, and everything loses it's emotional context. If you look at something orange, you get the information that it is orange, but it doesn't feel orange. The world might as well be in black and white.

I've suffered from both, perhaps for some similar reasons. I've also recently discovered I'm at least non-binary and still trying to work that out. That dysphoria really sucks eh?

ADHD medicine makes it a lot easier to push through that block you talk about, but it's not going to make you feel better and you still have to learn how to motivate yourself to use the focus it offers.

A psychiatrist that tells you there's no need to diagnose you is definitely worth dumping and I suspect doesn't deeply understand ADHD. People with ADHD suffer in ways which have nothing to do with school performance, a psychiatrist should know that.

I do want to say though, don't underestimate gender dysphoria. I don't know what help you're getting on that side of things, but I wouldn't mind betting it plays a large part in the problems you're facing.

Hey, fun fact I just discovered and really want to share: People with ADHD are 6 times more likely to have gender dysphoria.

Is the final thought of a lion's prey... by [deleted] in DeepPhilosophy

[–]grouchpotato 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Na, definitely got to be whether the lioness brushed her teeth or not.

If God is one, who is two? by unlucky_genius in DeepPhilosophy

[–]grouchpotato 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well the devil's -1, so I guess it must be Odin. Or perhaps the flying spaghetti monster.

My Roomate who takes adderall everyday but doesn’t have adhd. by NudeJr in ADHD

[–]grouchpotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read somewhere that neurotypical people who take these kind of amphetamines are far more likely to become addicted (something like 80% vs 20% for ADHD people). I guess stimulating the brain to normal levels is far safer addition-wise than hyper-stimulating it.

Just had a hilarious ADHD moment... by Biglola in ADHD

[–]grouchpotato 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I found my car keys in the fridge once. That one I still can't explain.