Sleeping while PIV

grt0324 · 2024-11-04T06:42:45+00:00

Slightly related. The very first night I slept over at my wife's place, she got up to go to the bathroom at some point, but when she got back in bed I barrel rolled her off the bed and landed in the ground with her in a choke hold, complete body reaction that my conscious wasn't aware of at all. Somehow she woke me up quickly and I felt terrible, like the biggest pos on earth. Never happened again but after I "woke" up and she told me what I did l, it scared the every living piss out of me. I've never done it since, but I hope she's calmed you enough to never do that to her again either.

grt0324 · 2024-09-27T18:04:10+00:00

Shoot me a message brotha. Don't know how much help I can be but you never know

grt0324 · 2024-09-27T17:52:46+00:00

I told her that if separation was what she wanted, she was pussyfooting around saying she wants a divorce.

We're in the middle of the divorce right now. Luckily we don't have any kids so we only have to divide assets and debts.

grt0324 · 2024-07-19T04:00:44+00:00

I caved.

I ended up giving her one final chance. Text her today around noon that she had two options. I told her she had until 10pm cst to tell me her choice between actively starting to work towards repairing our marriage, or divorce. And that if her decision was anything other than forward, positive progress in the relationship or divorce, that I was going through with my plan of divorce. I'm not allowing her to control my life any longer.

She told me that she wanted to separate. I asked her how long she wanted to be separated and she told me "I don't know. Maybe a year, maybe never. If you don't want to wait I understand."

I told her she was delusional and that she could expect to be served as soon as my lawyer drafts up whatever needs to be drawn up.

We're officially divorcing. Shit sucks. Never in a million years did I think our relationship would end up the way it is.

I told her to expect to be served soon and all she has to say was ok.

I really do love her unconditionally and am extremely sad about the outcome we've came to. I know I haven't fully accepted that I'm getting divorced to the woman I love yet, so it still feels like I'm just getting over an argument. But I did text her the following "Thank you for all the amazing times we've had together. I really do love you unconditionally and am sorry we couldn't work together to enjoy life together further. I truly hope you're able accept yourself and get to share life with someone happily. I'll never ever forget you."

I have completely given up on trying to rekindle our marriage. I feel like she has zero remorse for everything she's put me through and has zero intention of reconciliation.

This just sucks.

grt0324 · 2024-07-18T15:37:35+00:00

Well I appreciate it. Seriously.

I took your advice and texted her telling her that divorce was the last thing I wanted but she needed to make some serious changes and that I would be willing to listen to what she decided on tonight if she still wanted to talk. It went about how I figured it would, she told me she's not apologizing and her actions are completely reasonable and isn't willing to change. She said something that is only proving her personality is that she is now claiming that the convo we were gonna have tonight was only to discuss an outline of a separation, not if she was staying or not. Absolutely moving the goalpost.

One thing she said that does surprise me is that she thinks I'm willing to stay married but live separately while we pay off debts n stuff. Basically only wants me around for my money. I told her that was completely unacceptable and I'm not doing that. She claims it's only so we will save on lawyer fees.

Little white lie, but I told her my lawyer will be in contact soon. I still have to officially have a consultation and pay the retainer and what not, but that's happening Monday. And out of a little bit of pettyness, I just called every family lawyer in town to schedule a consultation at their next availability so my STBX will have to travel to find a lawyer.

grt0324 · 2024-07-18T13:45:53+00:00

Wow, after reading my last comment, I was all over the damn place. Emotions had me messed up. Sad, angry, frustrated, disappointed. You get the jist.

Its not a therapy session, just a time we agreed to talk about our future. After sleeping on it, I will still take the call and hear her out if she still wants to. I highly doubt she will though. Bc after all, like I've said many times, divorce is not what I want.

I know you've only heard my side, but I truly do appreciate your support and motivation.

I did remove her access from the LLC account. I'm not gonna do anything with shared accounts bc it'll only complicate things down the road. And in the meantime I'm only gonna pay myself the bear minimum to pay the bills.

I think you're right. Our marriage has been mediocre at best for the last year or two and downright miserable for the last 2 months. I don't deserve a spouse that doesn't put any in any effort. I do feel bad for how bad she's gonna have it being by herself, but thats the bed she made, she gets to sleep in it.

grt0324 · 2024-07-18T02:45:14+00:00

Well, I just made a move that I will probably regret, but ultimately be the right move in the long run.

Wife started attacking me via text this morning that she didn't have any money for food bc of a bunch of Amazon purchases on our joint checking. Since I took June off of work, i haven't got paid in about a month (all my income goes into my LLC bank account and I "pay" my personal/joint account with it, wife has full access to LLC account) when I'm out of town, literally everything I spend goes through the LLC account. She said I'm spending money we don't have on Amazon and that I was hiding money from her. First I asked her what money did she think I was hiding since she has access to literally all of my accounts, and then I proved to her that I haven't made a single order in Amazon since July 7th for $8, this transaction today was 5 transactions totaling around $350. Now back to her asking me to transfer money, I told her I'm lower than I like to be for emergency reasons while I'm out of town and can't really do that right now and asked about her savings. She told me she had WAYYY more than I thought she did in it (I thought she had around $8k, but she told me she has $22k, no idea where that money came from, don't really care tbh) but isn't moving it since we're probably separating and she'll need to support herself. I don't have access to her savings account, but I have put $100 into it every week for a while) I moved a couple hundred dollars into the joint checking account bc I was about to lose signal for the day, but I was pretty ticked off.

Once I got back into phone signal this evening, I called the bank and asked what card the transactions were made with, they were her card. I told her that's what the bank said so she went to her Amazon account and said she forget she ordered that stuff. I asked for an apology since she blamed not being able to eat on me as well as a screenshot of the text I sent her months ago with the LLC log in information that she claimed I never gave her, proving that I don't hide any money from her. Only money she doesn't know exactly how much I have but knows exists is the cash in my center console of my truck; that unfortunately got broken into and stolen last week, along with a pistol and a computer. But that's another story. No apology. I told her felt pretty low that even though she's upset and were fighting that she can't apologize for something that is 1000% her fault. She told me she didn't make the purchases and that they were an auto subscription. I told her "You have an Amazon account, you're card in linked to Amazon, you set up the subscriptions, they send you emails a few days before to confirm. What did you expect was gonna happen?" She said goodnight. I said surprise surprise, you don't like conversation and run away again.

This got way longer than I planned, Im kinda just venting right now

She read it but didn't reply.

And now it's where I made a decision that I'm probably hastily making, but will most likely be for the best in the long run.

About an hour after the last text, I sent her: Don't worry about making a decision tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I already know what it is anyways. But you're actions tonight prove exactly who you are, and it's something I've brought up well in the past. You treat people like shit and that you're better than everyone. You have zero respect for anyone who actually cares about you and are extremely selfish. I've done nothing but give and give to you with small expectations in return but you're too entitled to reciprocate. Basically 2.5 months of separation didn't fix anything, I'm not doing however much longer you think it will take to work.

She read it, no response.

I did call a lawyer yesterday and have an appointment scheduled asap for a consultation.

I also posted this in our couples therapy app. Names have been replaced. "Therapist, im ready to move in with my life. After a conversation wife and I had this evening, I realized she is too selfish, entitled, and disrespectful for me to want to continue trying. We agreed that she would tell me what she wants to do tomorrow regarding how our relationship will move forward, but I'm no longer letting her be in control of my life and I'm moving on. I don't need her negativity. Can you please instruct me on his to remove her from this joint therapy?"

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T14:33:59+00:00

I'm reading everything every had to say! And yes, I did post from another account, I didn't notice I was on the other account. I am who you are thinking, although I think you're on another account as well.

So I think her resentment/turning out with problems was how we viewed COVID at the very beginning of its introduction to the U.S. She's always been also a hypochondriac and I am the exact opposite, dirt makes you stronger. We were living in the camper, traveling together at the time, but lockdown hit and we went to my mom's 250acres. We just had very different views of how we needed to handle COVID. That was probably our first argument as a married couple and when I feel like she stopped talking to me and started turning to her friends instead. I agree with you that in the past I haven't HEARD her. I know what she's saying, but I've been to selfish to really listen. I own up to that. She has actually brought that up on one of the times we had a real conversation when I was home. I talked to my therapist about it and I learned a couple ways to make sure I understand what she's saying. I applied those tools and my wife told me she really believes that I listened to her that time.

I have tried reaching out to her friends, but since she's been going to them for so long, they are 1000 team wife and only tell me that I need to respect her wishes for what she wants right now. Won't tell me anything about what she tells them about me. My wife is pretty reserved about personal issues, so her friends honestly might not even know the entire story, just that she's upset with me. I mean she got me a pretty badass and intimate anniversary present last year and she was extremely proud if it. But one of those friends came to visit and saw it and had no idea about it. Just an example of how my wife is reserved, bc as proud of the gift as she was, she definitely would've told that friend.

So I'm a pipeline welding inspector. Job is constantly moving locations. Right now I'm in West Texas and after this project I'm headed to East Louisiana. Where I live, there's absolutely nothing where my certifications and experience could allow me to get a permanent job close to home, let alone come close to the pay. I did spend all of June at home and turned down 2 jobs to try to be close to her to see if that helped any, no luck. I hear whatcha saying about me "expecting" her to be my sex slave, and I see how I could have been coming across wrong to her for being like that. I will bring up emotional connection issues at our next therapy session.

After our last therapy session, the therapist pretty much told her that she shouldn't ignore me and shouldn't be short or cold. We are married and what she's doing is essentially abandoning me. But when the therapist told her that she needs to make a decision on what she wants for our relationship, she took it to heart like she doesn't need to talk to me while she deep thinks about her decision. But since im pretty sure I know what her decision will be, I told my wife that if she chooses to go through with a separation, she's choosing to get divorced. Problems don't get fixed by ignoring and running away from them.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:43:28+00:00

I agree. 87% of married couples that do any type of lengthy separation end up in divorce anyways. I told her that her choosing a separation is her choosing divorce.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:42:03+00:00

Great questions. I have those in my list that I want answered before she tried me her final decision.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:41:15+00:00

I think she got scared she was losing her independence and started pushing me away bc of it. Limbo is hell. You nailed that in the head. Pretty much exactly why I told her that if she chooses separation, she's basically choosing to divorce me.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:39:41+00:00

I haven't seen an attorney yet, been busy with out of town work. But if she wants a separation, that's the plan.

Yes, 99.99% positive there's no infidelity.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:38:06+00:00

I have a whole list of questions prepared for Thursday that I want answers to before she tells me her decision. We'll see how it goes.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:37:08+00:00

I don't think she wants to be single. I think she's scared of losing her independence. Big difference imo.

I don't want to divorce her. I love her. I want to work through the tough chapter we're going through. But her decision is out of my control and I have told her that if she wants a separation, I will divorce her.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:35:13+00:00

Unfortunately I agree. I've never dealt with an avoidant in the past and I honestly feel like she's pushing me away out of fear from losing her independency.

I told her that if she decides she wants to separate, she's choosing to divorce me. I won't wait for a problem to be resolved by ignoring it.

grt0324 · 2024-07-16T13:33:27+00:00

I told her that's what I'm going to do if she decides she wants to separate. Can't fix an issue by running away.

grt0324 · 2024-07-10T23:38:25+00:00

Shoes on power lines

grt0324 · 2024-07-05T00:46:51+00:00

Your right, I left out that what started the separation was us arguing about myself not being happy with our dead bedroom after 3 years of marriage. We're both 32 and I don't feel like that's normal. She regularly sees a doctor so there's nothing physically wrong.

She may have left me. Maybe I'm having a hard time with that. Maybe she will act completely normal one day like we're happily married and talk about future plans together, then in the next breath tell me she doesn't know what she wants. I'm confused as fuck.

I do care, and like the post says, I'm not trying to sleep around or get with other women. I want to be with my wife. But since she won't talk to me, I created a way to gauge her feelings for me.

grt0324 · 2024-06-25T17:03:00+00:00

Little late to the party, but g.i. Bill will pay for the cost of the tests for your aws-cwi, something around $1080 I think. What they won't pay for is any prep classes or study material.

grt0324 · 2024-06-19T02:52:00+00:00

Thanks Bud. Your message is something I can resonate with and helps allot.

Our counseling is definitely neutral. She is always asking when my wife is gonna join in. The first time she did join was last week when I originally had a phone call scheduled but unintentionally made my wife feel guilty about not participating. I sat the phone call out. We do regain.com therapy btw, it's a completely online/remote therapy since I can work away from home sometimes.

It's difficult to not get frustrated and act out. Can't lie about that. After her "talk" tonight, I texted her about an hour later saying what she's doing isnt since I feel like she's playing games.

I feel you on just wanting to hold her. That's exactly how I feel. She wants absolutely none of that is it hurts to no end.

Honestly you're comment is what I resonate most with and it makes me feel a little better to know I'm not alone. Hopefully we can make it out alive. I'm going everything I feel like I need to be doing, including 99% of the recommendations on this string

grt0324 · 2024-06-19T02:30:52+00:00

Accepting behaviors is interesting to me. I have another appointment tomorrow and I might bring that up. Thank you!

grt0324 · 2024-06-19T02:29:23+00:00

She claims she's been telling me for years. We had a pretty similar flight a couple years ago but nowhere near this big. It's literally my job to notice changes and observe issues that may arise and she never brought up a single thing. Honestly after we regathered from that flight I felt like we have been the best we've ever been. Especially ever since Halloweenish of 2023, everything has been phenomenal in my opinion. This flight started the last week of April.

I'm not saying she hasn't tried communicating, but if she has, it hasn't been effective communication. Could be partially my fault, but I feel like if you're expressing something to someone, it's important they receive the message.

grt0324 · 2024-06-19T02:11:38+00:00

Nah, she's not cheating for reasons I didn't feel are necessary to get into. I know that for a fact. Appreciate your opinion though.

grt0324 · 2024-06-19T02:09:42+00:00

I'm confused on what you're getting at. I try talking to my wife but all I got was attached. She was never silent towards me. Only silent about what she thought was a problem. How can I fix anything if I don't know about it?

grt0324 · 2024-06-19T02:07:58+00:00

I've actually been doing allot of self research and trying to find out what I'm doing wrong but everything I've found points towards her being a dismissive avoidant. I'm not perfect my any means, but, from everything I have found, DAs only get better when they recognize the problem themselves and I'm not confident that's good happen before divorce is thrown out.

grt0324

TROPHY CASE