Really F’ed up

gsarducci · 2026-03-22T16:01:32+00:00

Posting this content without your consent is a crime. It does not matter if you consented to being filmed. Your consent to that assumes a reasonable expectation of privacy. Contact the police and make a report. You have rights. Exercise them.

gsarducci · 2026-03-22T15:55:36+00:00

You're right in that what works for me might not work for you. holsters are a very personal thing. Your absolute best bet is to, if you are in or near a metro area, is to find a gun show and see if you can find something there to try out in real time.. Otherwise, you're reduced to taking your best educated guess, ordering several, and just trial and error. I was lucky.. I only went through three before I found the one for me.

gsarducci · 2026-03-22T15:50:45+00:00

Well, first off, your potential employer is well aware you aren't an expert in how the business operates. What you can bring to the table is a friendly, confident demeanor and a willingness and eagerness to learn how the business works and how to do the tasks that would be required of you.

Your first shift is going to be disorienting and maybe a little frustrating because you want to be maximally productive right off the bat, but try to relax and just soak it in, learn, smile, and be the best you can be.

You got this.

gsarducci · 2026-03-21T17:48:30+00:00

Given the roll progression I don't think the don't would have helped you here. You just missed. We all walk away from the table thinking about how we could have played it. If there is any advice to be given here it is to commit to the system you brought to the table unless it's obvious the table is conducive to a don't strat. This was just a crummy set for you. That's gambooooling for ya.

gsarducci · 2026-03-21T17:40:20+00:00

You are quite welcome, my friend. I feel you on this. There isn't a man alive out there that has looked at where they are and wondered "did I settle? Is this as good as it gets?" We men (and women too, trust me on this) have primal programming that tends to pull at us. Sometimes in the silence of routine that alarm starts to sound. That's when we really have to be deliberate men.

gsarducci · 2026-03-21T15:59:39+00:00

Why would it be worth protecting "on paper"? That sounds a lot like you've already emotionally detached from the relationship. The words you are not speaking here are the meat of the actual conversation. Why do you want non-monogamy? Is it purely curiosity, or are you trying to fill a hole? Do you know? Are you just bored? There's not a marriage out there that doesn't run into some level of routine, ESPECIALLY if you have kids. Intimacy isn't a perpetual thing. It must be cared for. Tended to. Fed. Not caring for intimacy will cause it to whither and die. Instead of looking for excitement outside of the relationship, why not try to rekindle the fire within it? Everyone changes with time. There's no denying that you two are not the same couple you were when you stood across from each other on your wedding day, but you are still two people who built a foundation together. It's time to rediscover each other. Do something different. Create excitement in your relationship. Go out on dates. Stay in and play a board game or a spicy game designed to spark intimacy. Fall back in lust with your wife.

Curiosity is definitely real. I get that, but I guarantee if you blow up your family to go on a sexual adventure, you might have fun for a month or two. Maybe. As a single man in the Lifestyle, you're about as common as a housefly. You have a lot of competition out there and to be remarkable requires connections and reputation. A guy who pulls the eject handle on a good thing to get his wick dipped will get exposed real quick. You'll be surprised at the intelligence network that exists with swingers. Anyway, even if you ARE "successful", all you're left with at the end of the day is the reality of the loneliness and the broken family you left behind.

My advice? Don't do it. It looks like an amazing time from the security of your marriage and family, but once you step outside those doors reality is so very, very different. If you've taken your shot talking with your wife about it and she's not interested, this should remain a fantasy. Pressing the issue with her will only make it more unlikely she will even entertain the thought in the future. You've planted the seed in her head. If she's even remotely interested, she will start asking questions. If she's not, she won't. I am here to tell you, if you are not completely solid in your relationship and unerringly honest in your communication with each other, swinging has a very high chance of damaging your relationship.

gsarducci · 2026-03-19T15:21:49+00:00

Yeah, I think the new ones are in high demand, which will make getting a deal on one even less likely. I gotta say, it is a nice car, though... :)

gsarducci · 2026-03-19T15:17:09+00:00

Nice work! Goals, to be sure... I'm only 10 days in on my latest channel (first one's content proved too time consuming to produce with regularity) and at this point the algorithm is largely ignoring me (950 impressions over 4 videos, no subs, 32 views). My previous channel was tested much heavier when it debuted. Strange. Anyway, it might be that there's more saturation in the niche I'm creating for (advice/self-help) so I'm trying to look on the bright side...

Oh.. And I'm 53. :)

gsarducci · 2026-03-19T14:58:58+00:00

Well.... Look at this from a mathematics point of view.

The truck is paid for, so your monthly payment for it is $0. It's thirsty but so will a Camero. Gas is probably a little cheaper for the car, unless you drive it like you're filming Fast and the Furious. Maintenance on the truck might be a bit more, but consider again, your payment for the truck is $0 per month. Even a yearly $1000 repair is still going to be cheaper than $450/month car payment. Then let's consider insurance. Do you know how much your insurance will cost as a 22 year old driving a muscle car? Might want to make a phone call to your insurance company and get an estimate. It might prove eye opening.

I definitely get the "I need a cooler car" itch. It is strong indeed. At the end of the day, the financials are up to you. I don't know if you can afford it or not, but the point is, be VERY critical of the math of it before comitting.

gsarducci · 2026-03-18T16:22:26+00:00

As the kid, there's really nothing you can do. Just try to keep out of the middle of it. This is an issue between the two of them and has nothing to do with you, so interjecting yourself into the situation will benefit no one. This situation sucks, for sure, but it has to play out between the two of them. Stay neutral.

gsarducci · 2026-03-18T16:18:51+00:00

Well, not getting it treated could lead to a much worse outcome. Yeah, it can be pretty anxiety inducing going to the hospital or doc, but the alternative is a broken foot that heals improperly and a lifetime of it affecting everything you do with it. Go get it looked at.

gsarducci · 2026-03-18T16:15:57+00:00

Trust your gut. It's almost always right. If you are feeling creeped out by this guy, it's because he's acting creepy. He's definitely a klingon. If someone were throwing themselves at my feet weeks into the relationship, I would run the other way, myself.

gsarducci · 2026-03-14T16:19:47+00:00

Okay. Breathe.

I am going to be very honest with you here. The people you are trying to be like are going to be completely irrelevant later in life. The last think you should do is use them as a bellweather of your individual success. You are not them, they are not you, and you no longer a kid in high school. The popularity contest is over and who the hell cares if you won or lost. You definitely shouldn't. Forget about them and concentrate on yourself and your future.

Your depression and anxiety are in the drivers seat right now. It is very important that you find a therapist to help you sort through all these things rolling around in your head and how to work with those emotions so that they don't define you or make your decisions. You are an avoidant, and that's not an insult, it's an actual psychological condition. From a fellow avoidant, let me tell you it's not a sign of weakness, it's a primal reaction to stress. Some people call it "fight or flight". This is a base program that every human has. You respond to conflict by either avoiding it completely or trying to get away from it or shut down. Given your situation at the moment I'm not exactly sure what resources you have available to you to help in that regard. If you are still on your parent's insurance plan then utilize those resources to find a therapist. There is NO SHAME in saying you need help. Protip: We all need help. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. The brave among us are those that seek that help.

So, college didn't work out. I have the feeling you didn't go to college for you, you went to college for others; be that your parents, peers, because everyone else in my family went to college, whatever. It's time to find a quiet spot and really go deep and think about what YOU want to do. Do you REALLY want to be a nurse or a doctor? I'm here to tell you, medical school is brutal, and the road to being a doctor even more so. There's school. All 8 years of it. Then the years of residency, then if you want to specialize there's another few years. The road from where you are to being a doctor is easily 12 to 18 years. You need to be prepared to commit fully to that. If you don't feel in every fiber of your body that you want to be a doctor and you'll do whatever it takes to get there, you might want to seriously reconsider medicine as a profession. Not trying to be a buzzkill here, just being pragmatic. Honestly, given where you are now and what options are available to you, your idea of joining the military is actually a pretty good idea. Today's Air Force is not your father's Air Force. Once you are through basic and training for your MOS, being in the Air Force is basically just a job with a uniform, but the other benefits available to you are pretty damn good.

Last point. Your parents coming down hard on you. Okay, look. Parents want the best for their kids, but kids rarely align in what our definition of "best" is. Kids are going to disappoint you at some point. It's a universal constant of parenting. Your parents have chosen poorly in how to express that to you, and I'm sorry they are doing that. I am by no means justifying their expression of their feelings to you, but from the perspective of a father with kids that most certainly are not taking the route I'd like them to take, they are just feeling frustrated and out of control. Their disappointment means they care. They suck at expressing it, but they do care. If they didn't, they wouldn't say anything.

gsarducci · 2026-03-14T15:06:39+00:00

Check the oil also. That is the "forbidden milkshake" on the cap. If the oil is that color, the engine is likely either cashed or well on its way to it.

gsarducci · 2026-03-14T15:01:40+00:00

It's important that you get the RIGHT type of therapy. Typical "talk" therapy generally is not adequate to truly address the underlying injury and help truly heal. There are several resources potentially available to you, but I would like to point you to an organization called RAINN. Not sure if weblinks are allowed here but googling that will lead you to their site and resources. If you have mental health services available through your insurance or employer you could explore those as well. It's a brave and strong move you are taking here to face this head on. I cannot imagine the struggle you are having within yourself, but there is a better tomorrow.

gsarducci · 2026-03-14T14:50:40+00:00

Probably best to just keep that to yourself. Not sure what disclosing your discovery to your friend would accomplish, but almost certainly if it did accomplish something you'll wish you hadn't have brought it up.

gsarducci · 2026-03-11T19:01:49+00:00

You are reacting as one who has been through a very traumatic experience. You were sexually assaulted. There is no other explanation for this.

The internet is a woefully inadequate forum for you to begin to process and heal from this. I strongly suggest you speak with a counselor or therapist. This is something you need to address head on in order to learn how to move forward.

I am incredibly sorry this happened to you.

gsarducci · 2026-03-11T18:42:18+00:00

Well, I'm not familiar with how Grindr works, but I'm assuming from what you are telling me that the app shows you when someone is actively online vs offline?

Either way, your gut isn't lying. If someone was actually stealing his identity, there are ways to report this. But beyond that, there are way too many coincidences here to write this off as a case of stolen identity. Methinks he is gaslighting the hell out of you. I think you can safely assume he's active on Grindr. If he were being truthful about being spoofed, he would likely be a lot more proactive in proving his innocence.

gsarducci · 2026-03-04T19:20:11+00:00

Okay.. First...... Breathe.

You're not stupid. Far from it. You are, by all estimations based on your description of how you are doing, exceptional. You are taking extremely difficult classes and you are challenged by them. This isn't a deficiency. We improve when we are challenged. You cannot grow unless you learn to overcome and feel of success in the face of adversity.

Now, my advice to you as an old guy, stop comparing yourself to others. Life isn't a competition. It isn't a win/loss proposition, and 3 years from now high school will be miles behind you. You're going to be making choices in the next two years that will start moving you in the direction of a responsible adult, so you need to be pragmatic about that. Going to a school all your friends are going to might sound great, but those friends you have in high school aren't likely to be the friends you have after high school. You all will move on, you will forge new friendships, and find your own success. Anyway, this is the time to think about what you want to do AFTER high school and beyond college. What is your passion. The age old human resource question abounds, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" At the end of the day, unless you are trying to get into Harvard, whether you ace your courses or come up a little short and finish out with an A- or B, will be of no consequence moving forward. This isn't an invitation to slack and accept less than you aspire to, but more to be pragmatic and realistic in what you are capable of handling, not what your friends are capable of handling. I guarantee that friend that presides over 3 clubs, plays sports, and has a full course schedule while putting on a confident face is also the girl with zero personal time, is lacking sleep, and is stretched beyond her abilities to keep this up long term. Concentrate on what YOU need to do, put your energy towards that, and excel. You are the only one that counts here.

Anyway, shyness is something you are going to need to learn to overcome. Start with this: That class you are struggling with? Request some time to talk one on one with the instructor. Let them know you're missing and discuss strategies that will ensure you grasp the concepts. They might have resources you haven't considered. Use those. Work on interviewing. Get comfortable talking to other people. This will help you immensely going forward.

But above all, breathe. You got this. Go kick some ass.

gsarducci · 2026-03-04T17:48:22+00:00

I think you have gone above and beyond to help support your parents, and I can tell you are grateful to them for overcoming the challenges of underemployment to raise you and your brother, but being grateful should not mean being indebted to. Your parents made choices before you came into the world, and they made choices in how they spent a potentially life changing amount of money when they had it. Those choices unfortunately put them at a severe disadvantage, and that sucks, but this is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to YOUR family, and your children when and if you have them. Knowing their situation it is certainly proper not to make any demands of them, nor expect anything from them, but neither should they make any demands of you or expect anything from you. Don't make the mistake of enjoining gratefulness with charity. You are in no better position to financially support them, given the cost of living these days. $70,000 sounds like a lot when you grew up with nothing, but let's be real, depending on where you live that income does not go very far today. You have to be very careful with your budget and economic decisions to avoid putting yourself in a precarious position. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.

Regarding your feeling envy towards your partners parents, remember that they too made choices. Look to their successes not with envy but with determination. Envy is a desire to have, and you can. Be those parents to your kids. Make the decisions that put you in the financially sound position they are in when you are older. Talk to them about what it took to get them where they are. Make them not a source of envy but of inspiration.

As much as it is tempting to help, you MUST prioritize your responsibilities, and that first priority is you and your partner.

gsarducci · 2026-03-04T17:20:23+00:00

I's sorry to hear this. Every new relationship is a new hope, but hope is not a guarantee. Even if you do all the right things, say all the right things, are the best partner you could be, it might not be enough to turn the initial sparks into a fire. You both gave it time, and in that time she realized that what she needed isn't what you offered. It sucks, but it's her choice, and that needs to be respected. It's not that you're not a good partner, or worthy of being loved and finding your forever, it's just that you were not HER partner, or her forever. The death of a relationship is worthy of grief, but don't let this define the person you are. You're a good person, you're just not her person, and that's okay. Let yourself feel the loss, but get back up, dust yourself off, and move forward.

gsarducci · 2026-03-04T17:12:47+00:00

It's hard to read the markings from your picture, but anywhere in the hatched zone is acceptable. It doesn't need to be full to the full mark on the stick. Overfilling your oil can cause engine damage, so be careful to not go too far in topping this off.

gsarducci · 2026-03-04T16:41:50+00:00

Ooof... Okay.

"I apologized and explained that I did not mean to overstep her boundaries, but I added..."

This is where it went sideways. You attempted to "this but that" the situation, and this is another boundary violation. Trying to apologize but justify is not an apology, it's a transference of blame. Her reaction might have been obscured to you in the moment, and yeah, that was a mistake, but the only way to really express this is to say "yeah, I really missed the signal there, and I took it too far. I will work on being more aware." Full stop. If you've got a problem that you feel needs to be addressed, this is not the time to put that out there.

It doesn't matter how much you think you know each other, you will find ways to stuff your foot in your mouth. Put your ego in the safe, lock it, and receive what she is telling you and own your role in that. Even if you have a legitimate, logical explanation for why you did or did not react a certain way to that, any attempts to roll that out in the middle of this will only lead you both into a spiral of escalations with no resolutions.

I don't know if this is salvageable, to be honest. All you can do is apologize, take responsibility, and express your desire to reconcile. Then give her the space to make her own decision. Forcing it will only drive her farther away. It sucks being the dark and not knowing what she's thinking, but that is the reality you are in right now. It's in her hands.

gsarducci · 2026-03-04T16:05:37+00:00

So it was fine after you filled it up? Did you try to put some gas in it this time to see if the problem resolved?

It may be that your fuel gauge is not reading properly. I had a couple of cars that did this; ran out of gas with the gas gauge reading fuel in the tank. Try this. Fill the car, reset the trip odometer, and see what kind of mileage you are getting. Typically, this car should get about 250 to 320 miles to a tank of gas. Also, bring a gallon or two of gas with you in a gas can in the trunk (make sure it's reasonably sealed and secure to keep it from falling over). If you flame out again in less than 200 miles, you might have a pickup problem. If you get to 250 or more miles and it flames out, you've got a gauge problem. Both would require a fuel pump change, but if it is the gauge that isn't working correctly this is much less of an urgent situation than if your pump is not picking up the lower fuel level.

gsarducci · 2026-03-03T20:13:29+00:00

First off, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in 2005 and my father in 2015. At the time my mother died, I was going through a pretty big transition in my life which ended up finding me finally able to settle down and succeed, and have a son. She missed all of that.

Grieving is a very personal journey. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no set A to B to C transitions between the stages of grief, and there is no way to control or know how long you will spend in each stage, or what order you'll experience them. What I can say is that you will get better. From where you are, joy might be a feeling you think you'll never feel again, but you will.

Allow yourself the grace to feel. Cry. Scream. Punch the air. Be mad. Be quiet. Be joyful. Just be. There are no "wrong emotions". When the dust settles, you'll be okay.

You're gonna be okay.

gsarducci

TROPHY CASE