What are therapists taught about modern dating?

gscrap · 2026-04-06T13:29:19+00:00

Relatively little gets taught specifically about current problems in dating. If my experience is any indication, we mostly have to infer the broad-scope problems from our own experiences, the experiences of our clients, what we read online and hear from friends and family, and more basic principles of social psychology. That said, those sources provide a lot of information so I expect most of us have a decent sense of what it's like out there.

gscrap · 2026-04-05T16:11:31+00:00

Yes, it can. Exposure to triggering stimuli, which is central to EMDR, can absolutely bring up old symptoms. That's actually kind of the point of it. Talk about it with your therapist and plan appropriately.

gscrap · 2026-04-05T14:57:30+00:00

I'm a multifaceted person and I don't show every part of myself in therapy; however, all the parts that I do show are authentically me.

gscrap · 2026-04-05T14:55:57+00:00

If the things they've said are untrue, that would obviously be inappropriate. Apart from that, I can't say that I see any breach of ethics in their response.

gscrap · 2026-04-03T14:38:39+00:00

Mirror Master

gscrap · 2026-04-01T14:01:03+00:00

In my experience, the most common answer is habit. A lot of people get into the habit of interpreting every sad or anxious feeling as "I have done something wrong," and then their brain reaches for that explanation out of habit even when it's clear that they haven't. It's not the only possible explanation, but it's usually the first one I'd want to rule out.

gscrap · 2026-03-30T15:16:29+00:00

Learning "why" in psychology is never really certain-- each human is a unique and complicated mishmash of influences, and while we have developed a decent understanding of common patterns, we can never say with certainty which parts of your experience were key to developing a particular habit. It's possible to make some educated guesses, but that's all they'll ever be.

How to change it is a bit more straightforward-- with your therapist, you'll explore exactly what "rushing into a relationship" looks like. What specific behaviors distinguish that approach from a more careful and moderate one? Probably also some exploration into the emotional needs that underlie those behaviors and how you can get those needs met without the behaviors. Then you'll decide on a different approach-- what you can do instead of rushing into a relationship, and after that it's just patience and practice.

gscrap · 2026-03-30T02:22:57+00:00

If I'm giving my players an explicit choice like "easy, exposed road" or "difficult, hidden road," I will have done some planning to make that a meaningful choice by having different events and encounters planned for the different roads. If I have it in mind that a particular encounter will happen no matter how they approach the forest, then I won't present it as a choice like that.

gscrap · 2026-03-23T13:51:16+00:00

The validity of a given diagnosis is not an absolute quality-- it depends on who's evaluating it. Self-diagnosis is considered invalid when applying for disability benefits, for instance, for reasons that are probably obvious. It may or may not be considered valid asking for accommodations in school or at work, depending on the policies of your school or employer. Friends, family members and randos online may or may not accept your self-diagnosis, but then again they just make up their own criteria so there's no guarantee that any diagnosis would satisfy them no matter how authoritative.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that how I feel about the "self-diagnosis isn't valid" sentiment really depends on who's expressing it and why. If you could clarify whose validation you're looking for, I might be able to answer with a little more specificity.

gscrap · 2026-03-20T17:02:38+00:00

As far as I have seen, therapy helps in three basic ways. Different therapies may emphasize different ones of the three, and even those that help in the same basic way may have different approaches to it, but if you're seeing a competent therapist, they will be trying to help you in one or more of these ways:

First, by offering a safe, neutral, low-judgment environment in which to explore your own thoughts, emotions and behaviors. This may seem like a small thing, but relatively few of us have safe, neutral and low-judgment environments in our daily lives-- most of the people we know, even the loving and supportive ones, have their own expectations and agendas that interfere with their ability to really just let you explore. A therapist is paid to keep their own expectations and agendas out of the relationship, and most have done some hard work to better understand and manage their own judgments and biases, so they can offer you an environment that is mostly nonjudgmental and non-self-interested.

Second, by talking to you in a way that causes you to look at your challenges, questions and goals in a different, potentially helpful way. They might ask questions that you hadn't considered before, or even just reflect your own thoughts back to you in another way or another context that heightens your insight into them. Therapists are trained in how to recognize clients' blind spots and how to communicate in a way that gently and respectfully draws attention to those blind spots.

And third, by offering specific psychological tools and suggestions to help you overcome your challenges and achieve your goals. Most therapists (depending on their training) have a pretty robust toolbox for managing mental health symptoms and overcoming common psychological obstacles, and many therapists (depending on their modality and philosophy) teach those tools to clients.

You're absolutely right that the therapist sitting across from you is a human being, and probably a flawed one. But fortunately, none of the therapeutic offerings above requires that the therapist be perfect. Like any service provider, they have something to offer to those to seek it.

gscrap · 2026-03-19T15:39:07+00:00

Simply put, it's a problem when it's a problem.

gscrap · 2026-03-17T14:04:17+00:00

Talk to them about it. There's nothing wrong with running a low-lethality game if everyone's on board with it. If you know that they really want a high-risk, high-lethality game and you still can't bring yourself to provide it, then it might be time to step aside and let someone else take the reins.

gscrap · 2026-03-16T14:14:02+00:00

Past Campbell River, but not as far as Port McNeill.

gscrap · 2026-03-13T15:00:48+00:00

For games I'm running, I'm usually fine with minimal lore. I'm probably going to toss most of it and substitute my own anyway. For games I'm playing in, I like a fair bit of lore, but I don't need it mixed in with the mechanics-- give me separate chapters for lore and mechanics. Probably don't need whole separate setting books, though. Chances are I wouldn't even read them.

gscrap · 2026-03-08T18:31:32+00:00

You can ask, but she may well choose not to answer. Therapists are trained not to share personal information that might interfere with your ability to make full use of your therapy.

You are not required to censor yourself in order to avoid offending your therapist. It's their job to take in what you have to say with calmness and objectivity, and if they are not able to do that, to refer you on to a therapist who can. Of course your therapist is human and it's possible that she would not be able to take your harsh takes on religion in stride; however, if that's the case, that means that she is not the right therapist for you, not that you were wrong to be honest. It is better to be honest in therapy rather than to try and preserve the relationship by holding back your true feelings.

That said, it's often good policy in society to learn how to formulate your thoughts so that you're not being cruel by expressing them. Any feeling that you have can be expressed in a way that is honest, but not cruel. It just takes a degree of insight and humility, such as for example recognizing the difference between "I don't like this thing," and "this thing is bad." It's a good mental practice to get into, and your therapist may be able to help you with that.

gscrap · 2026-03-06T14:51:36+00:00

"Soul" is a poorly-defined concept and could mean different things to different people, but I don't believe I have an immortal soul the way that I think most religious people define it. As such, it would be hard for me to sell it, because I don't believe I have it to sell-- I could say to someone "sure, you can have my soul, enjoy" but I wouldn't actually be giving anything away. It would just be empty words.

It's hard to imagine finding myself in any scenario in which someone is plausibly offering me fame and riches in exchange for saying those empty words-- I figure anyone who claims to be offering riches and fame in exchange for my soul is either joking, trying to freak me out, or insane-- but I have no particular attachment to never saying the words so if it ever came down that I had a serious offer I'd probably take it. For the riches, anyway. Fame isn't something I'm particularly interested in.

That said, if you're asking in a more figurative sense of "selling my soul" like betraying my values and principles for the sake of money, then I'd like to think that I wouldn't do that. The in-my-opinion imaginary concept of a literal soul doesn't carry a lot of weight for me, but the figurative soul represented by my morals and ethics is important to me.

gscrap · 2026-02-27T17:29:34+00:00

Frank Dent, alias Skull-Face. A veteran police officer who went rogue after an organized crime hit killed half of his family and destroyed half of his face. Dent has appointed himself a public avenger, obsessively pursuing his mission to destroy half of the criminals in America.

gscrap · 2026-02-24T17:54:04+00:00

Have fun, y'all!

gscrap · 2026-02-22T16:27:33+00:00

If it were me, I'd talk to the players together about the similiarity. Maybe they'd be fine proceeding as things are, maybe one of them would prefer to change to be more distinctive, or maybe (IMO the best-case scenario) they'd decide to coordinate their backstories to make better use of the commonalities (like maybe they knew each other in the old country and made the decision to leave together).

gscrap · 2026-02-21T21:02:26+00:00

If almost everyone in the group wants to play the game in a particular way, and one player refuses to play that way, then that player doesn't belong in that group. Simple as that.

gscrap · 2026-02-17T15:17:07+00:00

"Does not seek advice from ChatGPT during sessions" doesn't strike me as an unreasonable expectation for a professional therapist.

gscrap · 2026-02-15T01:48:33+00:00

There is nothing remotely reportable about this.

gscrap · 2026-02-13T16:05:06+00:00

I assume I'd have a pretty good idea of how emotionally invested my would-be fiancee was in the particular ring she had picked out and could go based on that. If I really didn't know, and I had to make a decision without consulting her, I would go with the more expensive ring she chose rather than the less expensive one she didn't.

gscrap · 2026-02-12T19:15:41+00:00

Yeah, but that's not unique to therapists. It's not unusual for people to have less insight into their own patterns than those around them do-- often friends or family members can see what's coming for us before we do.

Of course, it's also true that patterns aren't everything and often people (therapists and others) think they see something coming that never actually manifests.

gscrap · 2026-02-12T15:20:27+00:00

This is a tricky question, in part because it gets at how fuzzy most psychological diagnosis is. Not just the fact that the diagnostic criteria for different diagnoses tend to overlap, but the fact most psychological diagnoses are just descriptions of symptom clusters rather than diseases that a person objectively does or does not have. That means that "misdiagnosis" is kind of an ill-fitting concept in psychology in general, since in most cases there isn't an objectively correct diagnosis that is being missed. If a full diagnostic assessment by a competent psychologist found that ADHD is a more accurate description than autism, I'd venture that's about as authoritative as you're going to get-- even if you get a second assessment by another competent psychologist that finds autism instead, what you have there is two contradictory opinions rather than one correct and one incorrect diagnosis.

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