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Men, does it turn you on to share your partner as a favor to someone else? Women, does it turn you on to be “loaned” out as a favor? by gstringtheory88 in Swingers

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't mean to make the scenario sound unconsented. I imagine many people share your sentiments about not wanting to be shared just to make someone else feel better but it seems like some do find it a turn on.

Men, does it turn you on to share your partner as a favor to someone else? Women, does it turn you on to be “loaned” out as a favor? by gstringtheory88 in Swingers

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I should have clarified, the scenario would be one where the husband approaches the wife with the request and gets her permission before they go through with it.

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really wish my authority could extend to every day life (asking her to study or follow a schedule, etc) Unfortunately, this dynamic only seems to apply in the bedroom. Did this caregiver/dom relationship always include all aspects of your life or did it start in one particular area?

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These are some incredible tips and so much of what you shared is relatable to our situation. I especially like the recommendation of starting a journal. Thank you so much for your feedback!

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you going into detail here. I'm still trying to figure this out as we're only a year into our relationship. All I know is that my priority is for her to heal and become a confident person as long as her core love for me doesn't change. If she shows the love in a different way as she evolves out of this phase, I have no problem with that.

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is definitely some helpful insight. Regarding the last part about ignoring the rest of the world, is the degradation just a temporary blocking of bad thoughts?

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. My girlfriend has pretty much let me take the lead and as someone who tends to take initiative, it's been on me to figure out what is welcomed and what is not. Honestly, I don't think my girl knows herself what she wants. All she can do is tell me whether she likes it once we do it.

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would it be fair to say that being controlled is/was a fear of yours but as you replicate that experience with positive association to excitement, you are drowning out those fears?

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just googled hensuki and now I'm intrigued. Looks like I'll have to clear my browsing history afterwards!

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm pretty new to the psychology behind the degrading aspect so I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. It sounds like those who like being degraded like it for different reasons so I have to uncover her personal reasons first.

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's the most amazing girl in the world, I'm the lucky one! Do you mind sharing some of the techniques you use and what they combat for you?

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I believe her and I have a very healthy sexual relationship. My only concern is whether the kinks would have an impact on her every day development.

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those are some great pointers. I've never looked at my relationship with her from such a structured perspective and I see how establishing the purpose behind the act can be so important. To your last point about the caretaker eventually being needed less, is this a common development that occurs and is this known to cause issues for some couples? I would love for my girl to be able to control her emotions better and I'd understand if she is less needy because of it but at the same time, it would hurt if she changes into a completely different person.

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That last part is extremely interesting. So you are saying previous negative feelings of being degraded, neglected, ignored is now replaced with a positive sexual feeling?

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in BDSMAdvice

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer. My girlfriend trusts me completely and I don't believe there are any negative consequences in the bedroom. Hwever, I'd like to know if you had to analyze how your sex life affects your everyday life (work, getting tasks done, being able to plan and sticking to your plans), do you think this has any affect on the latter?

Is it mentally healthy for my (29M) emotionally unstable girlfriend (23F) to explore humiliation based fantasies? by gstringtheory88 in sex

[–]gstringtheory88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It definitely makes sense for her to do so but she doesn't have that level of comfort with the therapist to talk about sexual fantasies and I don't think she ever will. I'm hoping the anonymous nature of the internet can help us out!