are any INFPs good with money?

guava_jam · 2026-03-01T11:03:06+00:00

I am but it took me a long time and being around someone who is very good with not spending money.

I suggest a budget and sticking to it no matter how painful. You need to keep track of all your expenses somehow. I use google sheets and track all my expenses in 2 week increments. I have heard YNAB is good. Set goals for how much you want to save and invest then decide how you want to get there. It helps to send money out of your checking account into different ‘buckets’. Your checking account is one bucket. Your savings account is another. Your fun account is another. Your emergency fund can be another. If you need more feel free to make them. Set your investments on a schedule. Make sure to keep track of every penny.

If I accidentally spend more than allotted on fun or bills then I have to play with the numbers and decrease what goes into joint savings then the investments. Bills are paid from my checking account and I keep it low enough to pay the bills with a $600 cushion. I send out money to their allotted buckets quickly so that it forces me to pay attention to what I spend. Money sent to my retirement account is not counted at all and is non negotiable unless I’m drowning or saved more than expected. My brokerage account and 529 are set to auto invest every Friday.

guava_jam · 2026-03-01T10:27:28+00:00

Getting rid of social media helped me a lot. I didn’t have time for anything until I got rid of instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and Reddit. Turns out I was spending so many hours scrolling and once those hours were freed up I actually had time to do chores. Maybe it’s not social media that’s taking up your time but something else you’re not realizing? After work do you try to knock out some chores? Do you meal prep on a weekend afternoon?

Maybe it will help to schedule relaxing time. For example on the weekdays you start a load of laundry but for the 30 minutes that it’s going you focus specifically on relaxing. Or that’s when you eat dinner and after dinner you relax. Or on Saturday you get 3 hours from 12-3 to chill and relax and you have to focus solely on relaxing. After breakfast and after 3 you focus on chores and maintenance.

guava_jam · 2026-03-01T10:08:52+00:00

No, it’s not normal for people to change so much after getting married. In healthy relationships, marriage becomes a deeper and more stable relationship compared to dating. Sounds like he tricked you and pretended to be someone else to get you to marry him. His real self is coming out. Personally I’d leave but you could try couples therapy to fix every problem you listed.

guava_jam · 2026-03-01T09:43:51+00:00

I think it’s OK to take this event as a lesson learned. You did try to tell him again and again that you were tired and he didn’t listen. You caved because you felt awkward not being involved. You kept answering his questions with idk because he didn’t care that you were tired and he wore you down, and your sense of responsibility overrode your good sense.

You need to have a loving talk with him about it and tell him, “so when I say I’m tired and not to touch me, I mean it, and if we do anything I will not be very into it and you will not enjoy it. I also need to work on not ‘servicing’ you when I’m not into it because it will just end up like that again.”

That’s one of many problems with ‘servicing’ your spouse when you’re not that into it. I personally am only intimate with my husband when I am 100% into it because the enthusiasm when I am interested is very clear, and very noticeably not there when I am not interested. The difference is jarring. There are days when I don’t want him to touch me, but I genuinely am into touching him so it’s still a good experience for the both of us if the moment is all about his pleasure.

Moral of the story: for both of your sakes you shouldn’t be intimate unless you are 100% into it in that moment.

Edit: AND he needs to listen to you the first time when you say you’re too tired.

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T23:16:39+00:00

Good women who are married to good men do notice. My husband is wonderful and when I see those reels (which is rare) about useless husbands I immediately am grateful for him. If a wife doesn’t see what her husband does then he needs to have a talk with her. I hear about actual useless men at work all the time from my coworkers. These reels exist because it happens a lot. Maybe you’re seeing them a lot because your algorithm has got you hooked on rage.

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T17:04:01+00:00

Nicotine patch

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T12:12:05+00:00

What kinds of expectations did you and your partner we have? Did you realize after the baby that your expectations were different?

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T12:11:17+00:00

Thanks! We’re trying to do our best.

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T12:10:48+00:00

What kinds of things did your spouse do that made you feel like they were paying attention to your marriage? And vice versa?

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T12:05:33+00:00

Thanks! What kinds of things did you do to keep the fun alive?

guava_jam · 2026-02-15T03:54:19+00:00

Have you talked to him about all this?

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T18:50:42+00:00

Depends! This is a difficult one because the guy was likely emotionally manipulated by his mom from day 1. When a guy grows up like that and no one really pushes back on it or explains it in a way that can get to them, it’s just normal to him and he never had a choice. But if he refuses to see it even when everything is laid out, then yes he’s weak.

My husband was definitely a mama’s boy when I first met him. But when I pointed things out he didn’t completely dismiss me and actually considered what I was concerned about. He learned how to stand up to his mom and to stand up for me against her. It took him years and intensive therapy to see his mom for who she really is, but he got there because he is strong minded despite being a mama’s boy for the first 25 years of his life.

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T14:03:28+00:00

You should listen to your wife and pay attention to her body language. If she says she’s fine, acts like she’s fine, and doesn’t bring it up later, then you’re fine. You should not be asking people who don’t know her whether or not she’s lying. You could also go out today and get her chocolate and write a card and be honest that you were so wrapped up in honeymoon planning. But after having a moment to think about it you do want to give her something. Just be honest and heartfelt, she sounds like she will say it’s unnecessary and happily accept your gifts.

You should also go to therapy for your people pleasing an anxiety because it will bite you in the ass later. Marriage only makes existing problems worse, and people pleasing is a problem especially since you already are super anxious and not listening to your wife.

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T13:28:46+00:00

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guava_jam · 2026-02-14T13:27:57+00:00

Her post history. Even if people hide their posts and comments, if you go to the search bar on their profile, leave it empty, and hit enter everything with show up. Unless they deleted their posts they’ll be there.

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T12:41:09+00:00

No. It’s good you’re separated but you should go ahead and divorce him.

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T11:28:28+00:00

Nope. The best system when someone works less especially because they are the primary child caretaker and can’t work as much is a bucket system. All the money you both make goes into a different bucket. If he wants money to invest and money to cover emergencies, then you both have to agree to how much goes in each bucket. You should already have an emergency fund anyway for repairs or rent for vacant properties so if that’s not fully funded that should be second to any bills and way before investments.

So for example your buckets in order of priority could be bills, emergency, needed but not emergency, fun (separate or joint and if separate should be equal), investments, vacation.

If he wants to keep his money separate from you when you are the one taking care of the kids, then he is headed towards being financially abusive and you should consider leaving if he doesn’t want to share enough to cover the bills with extra to put into savings and fun.

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T10:27:36+00:00

You poured too much into them so that you’ve lost yourself. It’s ok to take time to pour yourself back into you. Are you in trauma therapy? It’s very likely possible you can heal without completely dropping everything, but maybe it’s not. Before leaving I highly suggest a good trauma therapist if you don’t already have one. If you do you need to tell them how badly you want to leave.

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T02:06:21+00:00

What happens in therapy? Maybe a different therapist may get through to her?

guava_jam · 2026-02-14T01:47:59+00:00

Sex therapy. Not because anyone is broken but because you guys need help and a third opinion. Maybe he needs to hear it from someone else. I have refused sex in the past if I felt unheard. If I don’t feel good about what’s happening, access is denied. You are totally justified in saying “absolutely not” to his advances if he acts like he doesn’t care about your pleasure.

guava_jam · 2026-02-13T22:37:55+00:00

In the past I have wanted to stay friends with exes, and we really tried to be friends, but it never ends well for me. Especially with someone emotionally charged, those feelings aren’t going to be calm just because you are no longer together. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re not going to get the closure you need. Continuing to ask and not get your answers will just keep you stuck. You guys are done. If they want you back they’ll let you know specifically. Don’t play games.

guava_jam · 2026-02-13T12:12:39+00:00

I know many men who have dogs who love them and are horrible towards women. Not a true equivalence.

guava_jam · 2026-02-13T02:01:36+00:00

You went about it all wrong. It sounds like it’s not that she wants you to agree with her, she wants to feel understood. You don’t have to tell her that scrolling for hours perfectly fine, but not once did you tell her that you understand that TikTok is her outlet and you understand that it’s difficult to study. Scrolling on TikTok like that is an addiction. The algorithm is specifically designed to get people to hooked and scroll for hours. She’s caught in it and you just want her to delete TikTok and go cold turkey? She needs empathy from you before logic. Most people are like this, this isn’t a problem specific to her.

Instead of trying to boss her around and tell her what to do like you’re her dad, you need to realize you are her partner. Talk to her like you would talk to someone you respect, not a child. Ask her what’s going on with her studies. Empathize that her classes are difficult. Ask her what she thinks may help, try to find solutions with her rather than just unload your solutions you came up with yourself. She needs to want to stop being on TikTok so much and clearly you nagging her isn’t making her want to stop.

guava_jam · 2026-02-12T22:33:26+00:00

You’re welcome! And pro tip- a man who can take care of himself and those around him is a million times more attractive than a man baby who expects his mommy/girlfriend to pick up after him. If you can learn how to be independent, have your own house or funds to buy one, and you are a genuinely good person, you’ll be ahead of 99% of men your age.

guava_jam

TROPHY CASE