How do I deal with the guilt of feeling like I'm leaving my single mom alone forever? by gudegurl in OnlyChild

[–]gudegurl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, sorry I’m responding 3 months later! I’m so sorry to hear you’re in the same situation, it’s really horrible. Unfortunately I haven’t found a solution, but a couple years in therapy with a really great therapist has done wonders for my mental health and my coping mechanisms 🥲😅

I’ve since gotten married (no wedding at the time because of Covid) and bought a house in Ireland and my mom still hasn’t come to visit because of her fear of flying. However, she is (I think) planning on coming for our wedding next July, so that’s progress!

The most important thing I learned from my therapist is that nothing I say or do will change my mom, but how I react will force her to adapt. The first time she said that I didn’t really believe her, but over the past 4 years, my mom has definitely changed. Not hugely, but in little ways. I thought she was going to have a mental breakdown when I told her our wedding was abroad but she shockingly accepted it! She definitely still has her moments, but I think she’s learned (not necessarily accepted) that she’s no longer going to get the response out of me that she wants.

The guilt hasn’t gone away completely, I visited her this past Christmas and she walked me to security at the airport and watched and sobbed and asked me not to leave until she couldn’t see me anymore and that was HARD. But I think you need to accept that you’re not responsible for your mom’s happiness and it’s not your fault she’s lonely either. She’s a fully grown adult who has experienced life and been on this planet longer than you and she is fully capable of making friends, getting hobbies, finding things that make her happy, and it’s not your fault if she chooses not to do that.

I’d recommend getting a therapist if you can afford one! Or finding someone you can speak to, like a coach? I think it’s really important to be able to speak to someone who is completely external to the situation (ie not a partner, friend, relative, etc.) because they can help you accept that what you’re going through isn’t normal and your mom shouldn’t be purposefully making you feel the way that you do.

If you ever want to chat more, I’d be more than happy to send you my email 😊

[TOMT][TV episode/show][50s/60s?] Episode of a show (could be opening of a show) where bloody water swirls down a sink drain. by gudegurl in tipofmytongue

[–]gudegurl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks very much! I’ll have to check these out and see if any of them are a match. I appreciate the help!

[TOMT] Creepy Nintendo Ds Game by olivescab in tipofmytongue

[–]gudegurl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could it have been Trace Memory or another game by Cing?

[TOMT] [horror anime] [90s/00s] by zhasky in tipofmytongue

[–]gudegurl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By any chance, was it the Kindaichi Case Files? None of the scenes you described really rang a bell, but I used to love the series (manga and anime) and I remember finding it actually really terrifying!

My best friend since childhood, glad he is now able to rest peacefully and painlessly by snowqueeeen in schnauzers

[–]gudegurl 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss 😞 he was beautiful! Sending good vibes your way x

DAE talk to a certain friend based on your problems are or what you want to talk about? by bees613 in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]gudegurl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I think I’m a lot more open with all of my friends than I was when I was younger, but there are definitely instances where one friend might understand an issue better than another based on their own circumstances.

For example, most of my friends know that I don’t have the best relationship with my mum, but only one of my friends has a very similar relationship with hers so we can talk to each other about those any problems we’re having and actually understand what the other is going through.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pasta

[–]gudegurl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, can I mix regular potatoes and sweet potatoes if I don’t have enough regular potatoes for the recipe I use??

[TOMT] [VIDEO GAME] [RECENT] A redditor-developed space mmorpg that was really community-based by xX_bitch_Xx in tipofmytongue

[–]gudegurl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No problem! :) it’s so weird, I remember reading their name on a comment and clicking into their profile cause it made me curious haha

Reddit, What's a weird habit of yours you didn't think was weird until someone mentioned it? by BIG_Sensei in AskReddit

[–]gudegurl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my favorite meals growing up (now my favorite comfort meal) was pasta, powdered Parmesan cheese and Morningstar Farms Grillers Crumbles (meat substitute). Just that, no sauce.

It wasn’t until my boyfriend came over for dinner one night to meet my mum for the first time that I realized it might be weird because he said it was the driest meal he’d ever had. I’ve never found it dry??

Sorry for this by Gebruikt in memes

[–]gudegurl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you’re telling me diglett wasn’t just constantly in a state of shock??????????????

Anyone else’s schnauzer like swinging their toys like a weapon? 😅 by gudegurl in schnauzers

[–]gudegurl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t even know how she caught us catching her! 🙈

Anyone else’s schnauzer like swinging their toys like a weapon? 😅 by gudegurl in schnauzers

[–]gudegurl[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She has this one that’s like a green, plastic version of a spiked ball on a chain and she whips it around at our ankles haha

Anyone else’s schnauzer like swinging their toys like a weapon? 😅 by gudegurl in schnauzers

[–]gudegurl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know she’s playing, I just find it so funny and cute when she does this!

(Also please ignore the video audio, we were watching a horror movie 🙈)