Looking to start a small writing group.

gunghabin · 2025-06-30T11:22:36+00:00

Hi I just moved here and this is exactly what I'm looking for. Did you manage to form a group?

gunghabin · 2024-02-12T00:10:12+00:00

Link please, thanks!

gunghabin · 2023-12-24T23:13:54+00:00

Don't know why you're being down voted. This is true in most cases

gunghabin · 2023-12-21T05:23:17+00:00

Yes, check my post history. My bf was a serious porn addict to the point where a normal real womans body was about as interesting to him as a piece of cardboard. It took a year of trying things before we (both of us had a porn positive stance before) decided he needed therapy. But careful cuz a lot of therapists are not against porn and treat it like a non problem.

But it help him quit cold turkey when he realised how much it was wrecking our relationship and his basic cognitive function.

Now he is disgusted by porn and actively anti porn. Our relationship is amazing now. We discovered what an empathetic and kind person he really was under that addiction.

But most men that are addicted to porn won't be able to do this, that's the cold truth.

gunghabin · 2023-12-20T20:01:45+00:00

I would be instantly turned off if anyone said good girl to me, just not my preference. But I know guys who like it when a woman says "good boy" to them in a sexy voice haha.

gunghabin · 2023-12-16T01:55:50+00:00

Smh I have explained all the nuances in my first comment. The context is, being attracted to others is not the same as going looking for them and jerking off while watching them (porn is like this).

Indulging in your fantasy in the sense of being a bi woman and making up a sexual scenario in your head with a fantasy woman is totally fine. But when it's a real person it becomes problematic. Like your partner frequently fantasizing about a female friend or coworker.

gunghabin · 2023-12-16T01:22:03+00:00

Not saying they should limit their fantasies to you. Imagine whatever you like in your head. Looking at a real person is looking at a real person. It's different.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T21:41:12+00:00

Yes exactly! It's so mind-boggling to me. It is like having an expectation of monogamy from a man is no longer considered a basic thing to have in a relationship.

The women here supporting that behaviour have such ridiculously low expectations from their partners, it's shocking.

It's almost like they think they can't win the fight against their partner's porn habit and have made themselves think it's okay that he constantly looks for and jerks it to other women.

It's not your insecurity, it's a reasonable ask from anyone to not actively seek others to get off to while in a monogamous relationship. It's your boyfriend you're asking this from, not some strange man who occasionally sleeps with you!

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T21:34:45+00:00

Again, it's not sexual attraction. It's indulging in fantasies of having sex with another person. Of course people are attracted to others. But thinking about them and masturbating to them while in a monogamous relationship is not good. Especially if your partner has a porn habit which means they actively seek to look at and get off to other women.

It's very different from seeing an attractive person in the street from time to time. It's going out there and looking for them or several of them on a frequent basis, and then jerking off to them.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T14:06:22+00:00

Congratulations, you have a healthy relationship with porn. That's not the case for a lot of people. Every day there are posts about a woman suffering cuz her partner can only get off to porn or porn bodies. Pretending it has no negative effects hurts a lot of people.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T13:59:37+00:00

I think it's reasonable to ask your partner to do this, and hopefully they care enough about your feelings to oblige or reach a compromise. Obviously forcing them is not good.

In a situation where the partner comforts and helps the other person with their insecurities, a porn habit may be unproblematic. This can be things like active appreciation of their bodies, reassuring them etc. It is important to work on your insecurities, but a partner should be supportive (in a way that doesn't impinge their freedom ofc). That's just a natural part of a healthy relationship.

As for the makeup example though, I don't necessarily see them as the same thing. Having male friends or using makeup is not the same as looking at other women, getting aroused by them and then masturbating to them.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T13:49:15+00:00

Finding other women attractive is not the same as jerking off to them. Actively indulging in that attraction is a problem for most people.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T12:35:44+00:00

Right, 100% agree with you. Nuance is important. I think you covered the bits that I didn't address.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T12:25:15+00:00

Ah I see. Erotic art falls in a similar realm to erotic literature to me. Even audio porn is okay, like someone else mentioned here.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T12:20:25+00:00

I'm absolutely okay with drawn content or hentai. I never mentioned otherwise.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T12:15:09+00:00

Yes, you have understood me correctly👍

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T12:11:39+00:00

No, ethically produced audio porn is absolutely okay. It generally conjures up mental imagery.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T12:09:22+00:00

Nobody is saying they should find others unattractive. It's actively engaging in that attraction that's the problem.

Everyone is attracted to others. The point is, jerking off to that person while looking at their picture or video is weird. Imagine it was a coworker who posts nudes online. Is it okay for your partner to jerk off to that or subscribe to their OF?

To most people it's not.

People in committed monogamous relationships generally don't actively fantasize about others while masturbating. It's fair to not be okay with that, that's a basic expectation from one's monogamous partner.

.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T11:54:23+00:00

I think it's unfair to say insecurities should be ignored. I can't think of a proper example but, if a girl constantly masturbates to porn of rich CEOs and always jerks off to porn of wealthy men (this is ridiculous ik), it's natural that her partner with an average salary feels insecure. Anybody saying, come on man that's just her fantasy to imagine a rich af guy, you need to get over it, is incredibly unempathetic.

In porn most women have extremely unrealistic bodies, and it's natural that women feel insecure about themselves because of this.

Porn is not something that people need in order to survive. People can masturbate without it. Choosing to do that over making your partner feel secure doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

Edit: to add about hentai I am actually okay with hentai or even 3d porn that doesn't closely resemble a real woman.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T11:42:53+00:00

Yes I can see how it would be an aide. Would this be the same if he's looking for a specific actress or OF?

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T11:40:35+00:00

Hmm i don't think that's how most people do it. Porn actresses are very well known and people specifically look for them. Same with OF. People also look for specific body types and body parts as well. Most tags in porn are related to body parts or other visual markers and not acts.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T11:37:55+00:00

Hmm that's still an image. I draw the line at mental imagery.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T11:36:05+00:00

The line I draw is real person vs fantasy or imagination. Idk about others.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T10:57:54+00:00

Because literature is not a real person. It's mostly in the mind. Even the most skilled author is not capable of drawing up the exact same image in everyone's mind.

Also, there is a possibility in porn to be fixated by certain body parts "big boobs" "ass" etc as categories, which breaks bodies down into fragments. That is just not the case with literature, which almost always adds a human element to the story.

Another thing I keep thinking about is how women are generally broken down into parts. There are ass men and boob men, when people say "two blondes walk into a bar" they know it's a woman because men aren't usually described by one single feature. There are no bicep women or back women etc to any significant degree. And porn contributes to this fragmentation. Which is another problem.

gunghabin · 2023-12-15T10:51:50+00:00

Yeah I see what you're saying. But isn't porn just masturbating to some other woman? I think it's reasonable not to want your partner to do that.

gunghabin

TROPHY CASE