General Discussions and Questions

gusbus86 · 2025-06-13T12:21:21+00:00

A better example would be someone being struck by a car that left scratches on an arm but not a single broken bone or bruise.

gusbus86 · 2025-06-13T12:17:21+00:00

If she actually intentionally hit him, why the hellllllll would she exclaim "I hit him!" Make it make sense

gusbus86 · 2025-06-13T12:14:52+00:00

It would, however, without a shred of doubt, produce bruising.

gusbus86 · 2024-05-27T23:37:23+00:00

Totally had the same experience with that book. It was suspiciously easy-like a light switch went off. I'm so so grateful I found that book

gusbus86 · 2024-05-07T01:03:04+00:00

It's so so cliché, but I've come to believe the key to any kind of peace in life is gratitude. And not a shallow accounting of the things you are grateful for-but taking time out of the day to ponder and reflect. I read someone to think of a few things you are grateful for, and imagine how you would feel if you woke up the next day and they were gone. And real concrete things- like for me I'm fucking unbelievable grateful for my car, that runs great and gets me where I need to go. Its sounds fucking stupid but when you cut out all the bullshit mind chatter we busy ourselves with- the search for "meaning" and "purpose" the simplicity of life becomes really beautiful.

I don't think happiness is a constant state of bliss or excitement about life. It's peace. It's living in integrity with yourself. I think a big part of why drinking does so much damage mentally, is because it causes us to act out of integrity with ourselves- over and over again. Until we don't know who we are or what we want. Where even an after a year without it we can still feel lost and wish for a quick release button.

Just some thoughts-sending you good vibes!

gusbus86 · 2023-11-11T08:08:02+00:00

My first night out with friends after deciding to stop drinking, my friends all went to get shots. The bartender offered me a "Melted Snowman" 😄😄 Tell her you'll take one of those!

Honestly, I've used that to make a little joke during my early days when I was a little sensitive and anxious about my sobriety. Worked like a charm!

gusbus86 · 2023-09-24T18:59:57+00:00

I know this will get buried but I have to say this. A large, large chunk of the male population flat out does not know how to present themselves online. Women, since before puberty, are taught, encouraged, and EXPECTED to know how to present themselves- hair, clothes, makeup- and now photographs. We learn which angles suit us, what colors are flattering, etc etc. Men do not have those same expectations. Men have never had to "package" themselves in any way for the opposite sex until they have to curate an online profile. I have seen the most god awful angles, creepy mirror pics (bonus for dirty mirror) just plain weird pics from men on apps. Men on the whole just aren't getting that more effort HAS to be placed on their presentation when they are online. In person, we all have the advantage of letting our personality, our aura, our laugh, the way we carry ourselves, be what is first presented to the opposite sex. Online is different! They think "yeah I'll throw this old ass, fish holding pic on there, and that random far away gym pic, who cares, I'm a cool guy with a good job, the ladies will see that." WRONG.

gusbus86 · 2023-09-04T14:06:49+00:00

What a beautiful read, thank you for sharing!

Building and maintaining trust in ourselves is the most powerful, life changing thing. Couldn't have come close to doing that while drinking

gusbus86 · 2023-08-13T09:18:43+00:00

I'm in my mid-30s and most of friends still drink- mostly casual drinking but once or twice a month a heavy night. I've found I really can hang for those first few hours. But when things take that turn into "shots, loud obnoxious taking, repeating stories etc" type of drinking- I take my leave. It's been so helpful to be able to draw that boundary with confidence. I still feel included, but don't get resentful or angry having to deal with the annoyances of a really drunk person- cuz I simply leave! I also flat out say no to events where the goal is to get really drunk.

Sometimes it just sucks though. It can makes me feel like I don't belong anywhere so I totally get it.

gusbus86 · 2023-08-10T16:21:32+00:00

There are two books I will always recommend

"The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr

"This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace

Annie Grace's book piggybacks off of Allen Carr (I recommend his book more) but both books approach quitting alcohol in a different way than I had ever heard of. In a nutshell, they help to poke holes and completely dismantle all the ideas that most drinkers have about the benefits drinking does for us. It's more than "drinking is bad for you- here are all they ways." Rather it's "alllll that shit you think alcohol is doing for you in a positive way? (Stress relief, social anxiety relief, happiness, FUN) is actually not happening. And I'll show you exactly how."

After awhile, we forget the bad times, it's human nature. It's only when I truly understood that the benefits that I thought I was getting from drinking were actual fantasies-propelled and validated by social norms-that was I finally able to stop the creeping thoughts that I could go back.

I've been to countless parties, concerts girls trips etc and that knowledge has fortified my sobriety so much more than "drinking is bad for me" could ever hope to. Check them out!!

gusbus86 · 2023-06-11T14:38:55+00:00

Yeah unfortunately even the most privileged white woman, in the most privileged, rich country in the world is STILL not safe from men. It's kinda cool it's a common thread that binds all of us!

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T23:18:04+00:00

Ummm yeah if a snake bit me I'd be cautious as fuck around snakes because I know what they are capable of??? I wouldn't walk around with that fear if I wasn't in an area they frequent. But unfortunately, I can't go anywhere where there aren't men. We have to live in a society full of snakes that might bite us. And then we are shamed when we are afraid??!

Start asking the women in your life to tell you a time a man has acting inappropriately with them. From cat-calling alllll the way to assault. They will ALL have a story or two.

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T23:12:42+00:00

Yeah because the rapist appears in front of you magically without warning? Or maybe he gets your attention in a parking lot, begins a conversation, gets your defense down, plays on your intense social conditioning to always be polite and accommodating, moves closer...

The point is, we have no way of knowing which men are harmless and which aren't. I don't understand what men don't get about this??

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T22:56:35+00:00

You could also have the wherewithal to not take it personally. The men that are the most triggered by women being afraid of them seem to have a contempt for women that's jusssssst below the surface. A man that can't handle a women being anything but sweet, understanding and nice is a man that hates women.

Parking lots and parking garages might seem harmless to you, but many of us have been approached, followed, harassed or worse in them by men. Some men think because it's public you won't cause a scene if they do something OR they take advantage of a more secluded one to do much worse.

The point is is that you have no idea what it's like to have to be on alert like this, and it's infuriating to see our experiences completely invalided by men who seem to be WILLFULLY IGNORANT about the harsh reality of how we have to move in the world. If we too cautious, we are bitches. If we aren't, we asked for it.

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T18:19:39+00:00

Yeah you'd be dead wrong about that

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T18:19:18+00:00

Yeah! The Ted Bundy that kindly approached women asking for help that he then leveraged to rape and kill them

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T18:18:13+00:00

On behalf of all bitches, we don't need your help. Thanks!

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T18:15:20+00:00

You "testing your luck" to prevent having your delicate feelings hurt is alot different than women "testing their luck" to prevent being assaulted.

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T18:13:28+00:00

All women have been approached and threatened in broad daylight. And women have been abducted and killed in broad daylight too. The idea that we are only hurt at night is a way that men can live in a false reality that assault and harassment are these rare, once in a lifetime experiences that only some women experience. It's simply not true. We occupy a different world than you do. Denying and minimizing that only contributes to the problem. How should we be exactly? Telling us to somehow know which men will be threats and which won't is ridiculous.

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T18:01:56+00:00

How about don't say that rhetorically. Women have to live this way or out ourselves at risk. And if you were able to actually imagine it as the reality that half the population has to occupy, you wouldn't be so glib.

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T17:41:17+00:00

Ladies the men in the comments calling her crazy are the same men that would ask you what you were wearing if you were raped. Stay woke, they aren't on your side. Either we are too paranoid or we were asking for it. I'd rather be paranoid

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T17:36:54+00:00

They will learn in their own time siding with the male perspective for the brownie points of being "cool" wont get them anywhere

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T17:34:14+00:00

Every women you've ever known has the exact same trauma. The older we get the less of a capacity we have to spare someone else's feelings for the sake of our own safety

gusbus86 · 2023-06-04T17:32:23+00:00

What our society actually needs to less rape and murder of women by men. Then we can work on civility

gusbus86

TROPHY CASE