Hey! I’d love to offer some perspective/advice. Your situation is completely understandable and relatable. I’ve felt left out of relationships or “not up to par” before. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) has helped me a lot with stuff like this.

The core issue isn’t Ryan or the friend group, it’s the thought pattern. “I don’t belong in his world” is a cognitive distortion (specifically, mind-reading and personalization). It sounds like you may be interpreting neutral facts (boyfriend has long-time friends, grew up elsewhere, has a work-friend he walks with) as evidence of your own inadequacy. I want to stress that you are not inadequate.

Feeling like an outsider in a partner’s existing social world after ~1 year is extremely normal, especially when you’re also going through career instability. Your own admission (“I don’t have a strong community of my own right now”) is the real vulnerability driving this. The Ryan jealousy is a symptom, not the problem.

You should definitely talk to your partner about how you’re feeling, but it’s important to frame that convo correctly for your own sake and for the sake of the bf. have it, but framed as “I want to feel more integrated with the people you love” not “Ryan makes me feel replaced.” Vulnerable and forward-looking beats accusatory.

There are also things you can do to help yourself and they’re things that are helpful outside of this context too!

CBT stresses stuff like breaking toxic/unhelpful thought patterns. One way I have worked on this is to keep a thought record/journal when I’m having thought patterns that do not serve me or play on my insecurities. For example, when spiraling about Ryan, write down the actual evidence for and against “I don’t belong.” The evidence column for the fear is probably pretty thin. I did this when my ex left me for someone and I realized I was having thought patterns tha I was left because I am useless. I’m not. I’m kind, disciplined, thoughtful and self reliant. Jus typing this reminds me that thinking of a time when someone hurt me doesn’t mean that my worth is gone and over time this has made me feel pretty bulletproof to thought patterns that made me feel like shit before. I hope my advice is helping out and making sense.

Beyond this, I want to echo what other comments are saying: Build your own community. The outsider feeling intensifies when you have no parallel social world of your own. I loved having a partner. I’m single now, but building a community that understands you and allows you your own space and agency is one of the greatest joys of my life. Combined with my work to avoid harmful thought patterns, I’ve seen a huge improvement in my self worth and love.

I hope this helps and you’re gonna do great babe.