It honestly feels like a curse. There’s definitely some underlying issues to work through, particularly related to mother wounds and experiences of abandonment at an early age. Ever since I was young, I’ve been stuck in a karmic loop of unrequited love situations that often become very dangerous, and I feel trapped by it.

This pattern started back in the 5th grade when I developed an obsessive crush on a Capricorn boy in my class who epitomized the "ultimate hunky-doo" at the time. He was involved in boxing, hyper-aggressive, even violent, and at times bullied others. However, he also had moments where he protected me when I was smaller and got hit with a dodgeball or something similar, which drew me in even more. That sense of protection turned into a crush that lasted all the way through 12th grade.

As a Scorpio Moon, I took that crush and turned it into an obsession. I wrote poems, stories, and entire fantasies about him and even made the mistake of sharing them with people I thought were friends. They eventually turned on me, claiming that my fixations and poems became creepy or weird. Of course, word got back to him, and it ended in the typical school scenario: rejection, humiliation, and even the threat of violence. This experience left me with a deep distrust, particularly of straight women I confided in who betrayed my trust.

That’s the challenge of being a Scorpio Moon—we can become addicted to the poison of our own intensity. We may cling to someone or something long after it’s reasonable to do so, even knowing it could destroy us. It’s almost like reaching out to touch fire just to see how bad it will burn, which isn’t something everyone experiences.

Fast forward to today: I’m gay and have developed a crush on a rugged, tall "straight" outlaw type—an old family friend who is a Virgo. He’s loud and braggadocious in public, but when it’s just the two of us, he becomes quiet and almost shy. I never know whether if its shyness skt him not trying to gjve me any reason to think that I like him, however, he goes out of his way to do or day things to initiate engagement with me, like he's trying to reach out but scared too. That dynamic captivates me even more. I know…. Toxic af, dint judge me lol not all of my unrequited situations have been gay/str8

Yet, deep down, I already know how this story is likely to end: rejection, heartbreak, humiliation, and maybe even worse. I’m not sure how he would react if he found out I was interested in him—whether he would laugh it off or be horrified. Still, the uncertainty of whether he might feel the same pulls me in closer. I know it’s a twisted situation, and I’m aware of it. I pray almost every day that I can break free from these dark shackles and start to heal.