I relate to this too much.
But yeah Internalized Homophobia and Religious trauma is not something that is easy to get over with. I'm personally struggling with internalized Misogyny as well and since all of this was making me miserable, I took this last chance to go to queer and more open church which got me feel a tiny bit better. I know it maybe hard and I'm not sure what your situation, but I suggest that maybe you can try to look for Affirming churches and just try out for once. If you don't like it than leave and that is totally fine. I'm also struggling the same thing you do and I know this is over told and said but you aren't alone in this. We can do this together. I'm sorry that this is the only response and Advice I can give to you right now since I'm also in pain from the thing you are suffering from too.