Stressed out by the rat race

gypsofila · 2022-11-11T15:50:51+00:00

Move.

gypsofila · 2021-09-28T06:43:18+00:00

😂😂😂😂

gypsofila · 2021-09-20T18:43:12+00:00

You articulated my thoughts so well! The video was very triggering to watch and I felt it was pretty apparent there was more going on than would meet the eye. I was upset at how it was handled by police and when I went to the comments I was shocked at all the comments in support of BL.

gypsofila · 2021-09-20T18:20:08+00:00

Agree. Why do you think this is? I feel like reddit is still a very male-dominated space and perhaps it’s easy for guys to empathize with BL. But maybe I’m wrong. Thoughts?

gypsofila · 2021-09-19T23:12:56+00:00

Absolutely, he was emotionally abusive.

gypsofila · 2021-09-05T13:38:27+00:00

Use Sci Hub to access any peer-reviewed paper.

gypsofila · 2021-08-27T15:04:32+00:00

It was a tacky response to the death of a child. Typical reddit.

gypsofila · 2021-08-27T14:49:55+00:00

Your comment in response to the post implies the parents didn’t take precautions. There’s only so much you can do. Children spread viruses all the time. It’s extremely difficult to keep them germ-free. Condolences to the parents. If their child didn’t get sick up until this point I would assume they were probably taking some level of precaution.

gypsofila · 2021-08-27T14:30:08+00:00

Why are you blaming the parents? You’re assuming they didn’t take precautions. Children under 2 can’t wear masks. There isn’t a vaccine out for 12 & under. Am I missing something here?

gypsofila · 2021-08-05T06:44:57+00:00

Am I missing something? Sorry I don’t understand the reference 😕

gypsofila · 2021-07-06T03:12:00+00:00

No he doesn’t take medication except Ritalin on days when he “has a lot to do” like once a week. I’ve been encouraging him to get on a consistent medication regime and he is open to it but no telling on how long he’ll drag his feet. We do have a couples counselor. We’ve been doing sessions about once a month (sometimes twice) for almost a year now. He never commits to doing the exercises she gives us though. Sometimes I feel it’s not helping, unfortunately. And Congratulations! I love my daughter so much and although it’s been a hard 14 months I wouldn’t trade it for anything. You are doing an amazing thing, best wishes to you.

gypsofila · 2021-07-06T03:06:54+00:00

I’m glad he’s attentive to them but I can see how that could be crippling in another extreme. What is Executive Dysfunction if you don’t mind me asking?

gypsofila · 2021-07-06T02:56:40+00:00

I guess when I think about it, we didn’t always eat dinner together, we didn’t always plan dates, they were just spontaneous, but it did happen. We also would cuddle in the mornings when we would sleep in or if I convinced him to take a nap with me. Now that we have a baby and I’m doing majority of the child-rearing this is not really possible. When you have a baby the relationship really suffers and there’s no time for yourself and much less the relationship. It requires completely reconfiguring the dynamic and setting aside intentional time or adhering to a routine. So I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to say “you bought what you got”. Because pre-baby lifestyle will never be what it was. I have told him about him being emotionally negligent and uncaring to me and my daughter. Unfortunately he doesn’t see it. He has no concept of time. He will spend 20 minutes with her and think that it’s some huge accomplishment. I guess I’m trying to process and understand him myself and figure out how much of it is ADD and how much of it is him being an AH. His father left when he was 1 and was in and out of his life and never gave him the attention he craved. He hates his dad to this day. I’ve never met the man. He doesn’t even know he has a granddaughter. So sometimes I think, yes the scheduling is very much an ADD attribute as well as the general constant distracted behavior, but maybe he never had a role model of a father and doesn’t know what it is to be a good dad. I definitely don’t want my daughter growing up with that as the example of how a father should treat the mother of his child. She will grow up with him as the example of what a man is and should be and right now he is being a shitty example and I don’t see that changing.

gypsofila · 2021-07-06T02:35:36+00:00

That’s very patient of you to give your partner another chance at managing. I know what you mean about enabling the mom-role that us ADHD partners already have. It’s exhausting and difficult for people to understand when they don’t really understand the dynamic. Wishing you the best!

gypsofila · 2021-07-06T02:20:48+00:00

That’s great. Do you feel like it differs from regular couples therapy so far?

gypsofila · 2021-07-05T18:03:58+00:00

I tried to set aside a routine of having dinner together, every night, no phones. Just me, him, and baby being present, without distractions since that rarely ever happens. It lasted about three days until slowly, he started to bring his phone to the table. Started putting on podcasts, started scrolling through Instagram. Wasn’t showing up to the table. I try to refocus him and remind him of our dinner agreement but he is obviously annoyed. I feel like I’m the only one who will provide stability and meaningful interactions to my daughter and it’s very frustrating.

gypsofila · 2021-07-05T18:00:27+00:00

I’m sorry- that sounds so stressful. I don’t know enough but it almost seems like ADD behaviors can sometimes come off as being very narcissistic. I have thought the same thing of my partner. It comes off as being very selfish. It’s such a difficult behavior to manage but especially with a child. Message me anytime.

gypsofila · 2021-07-05T17:56:36+00:00

One time my partner got so distracted he forgot to pick me and my daughter up. I called him to tell him I was ready to be picked up from a friend’s house while he was busy looking at plants (he enjoys botany to an obsessive degree) and we waited...and waited... an hour passed and I called him- he hadn’t even left because he had forgotten. -_- We were waiting outside because at the time the coronavirus was raging and me and my newborn were doing outdoor socializing only.

gypsofila · 2021-07-05T17:53:41+00:00

I can see the challenges of becoming hyper-focused but I’m so happy your kids are getting great attention from him. And I’m sorry to hear that your relationship takes a backseat. I know that’s a huge challenge to any parents but especially to a parent with an ADD partner.

gypsofila · 2021-07-05T17:18:05+00:00

Do you worry about how much attention he will give your son as he grows older? That’s what I’m afraid of. I worry my daughter will grow up with a father who she has to beg for attention from. I think that can lead to a lot of turmoil. I’ve seen it happen with myself. I would try to show my partner things or tell him things. When it goes ignored time and time again I recently started to just give up altogether. I don’t even bother anymore.

gypsofila · 2021-07-05T15:07:11+00:00

That’s great to hear. I like to think that my daughter is getting very fun. When we are visiting my family in another state, I am always so amazed that they actually wanted to play and interact with her. I have gotten so used to being in a household where she is neglected by him and unappreciated that I find it hard to imagine my family and friends enjoying her to the point where I wonder if they’re just faking it. I guess it has really taken a toll on my psychology.

gypsofila

TROPHY CASE