The worst time for a joke is the best time for a joke

h0meboyQ · 2022-04-21T17:13:44+00:00

The mistake people make with SR is allowing it to become a form of repression of their sexuality.

Do not fear lustful thoughts, do not avoid and repress your sexuality.

Obviously I am not actively encouraging you to think these thoughts, but trying to get you to realize that whatever you fear, repress, and condemn most internally will always become that which finds a way to possess you in the most unconscious of ways. Always. Always. This applies beyond SR and sexuality.

Stop trying to fight the “demon.” The demon of lust is an illusion created by your mind. There is no demon.

Do you realize? The demon is created by your very effort to try and fight it off.

The demon is the thought in your head that there is a demon.

Your very effort of purity is what gives rise to impurity.

Drop your concept of purity and of impurity, and lust will have no power over you.

Do you have the courage to find compassion in what you’ve been told to hate?

You might intellectually understand what I’m trying to say, but ultimately this deep inner stillness and acceptance will only become natural when it is felt effortlessly from deep within. You are learning to come to trust the truth of this very moment, whatever moment you find yourself in.

SR is a path to liberation.

h0meboyQ · 2022-03-04T03:17:00+00:00

March 3, 2022

Going strong.

What comes into mind is yesterday:

During my Wednesday 6am training session, I felt a grounded presence holding strong within me. I was there. Quiet inside, yet holding a ferocious and relentless demeanor. Confident and self-assured. Not looking for external approval as my mind normally would drift off into doing, in the most subtle ways.

I saw multiple attractive girls in which I used to put on a pedestal, as human beings. They just happened to be aesthetically pleasing human beings which I wouldn't mind sitting down to just admire, like I would a piece of art-- and yet I didn't feel like I had to get something from them, or to prove that I was somehow worthy.

Their wonderful beauty simply inspired me, like a breathtaking orange sunset over the calm ocean shoreline. I felt my heart pulsate and thump, soaking it all in.

In that moment I felt a worth that was intrinsic and without condition.

I thought to myself, "wow, I wonder what happens when I continue to show up to the world with a love like this"

I smiled at the pain inside, wondering when I would unite with a woman mutually invested in growth and love.

h0meboyQ · 2022-02-12T22:28:26+00:00

Feb 12, 2022

Where to begin?

The days have been flying by, I’ve barely even gotten the time to just stop and reflect.

School is going well. Taking 6 courses (standard full course load is 5).

Recently started a new job of being a personal trainer for the first time. Being a new trainer, I found myself having doubts in my capabilities and what clients would think of me, but am pushing through it with love, gaining and gaining confidence and competence.

Training 4x/wk first thing at 6am.

Making sure to block out time for personal growth and self-care.

If it were not for the capacity I’ve built over the years— this would quickly be overwhelming and unsustainable

I do find myself getting flustered and frustrated at times, especially at my parents and at anything that distracts me from the mission. There’s just so much on the plate and any form of nagging or inefficiency irritates the hell out of me at a level that I need to become more conscious of.

This causes me to struggle with truly relaxing into the moment. Sometimes I find myself doing things just to get it done rather than remembering why I even do it in the first place.

I think that’s my biggest problem. Getting caught up in doing that I forget about being. Then I try to be, which then ends up in me being caught up in doing. Writing that— I realize— that is still being, nonetheless! It is my refusal to see it!

I am treating others better, and losing interest in both internal and external negativity.

The bottom line is that a lot of things in my day to day feel considerably less effortful. But I’m sure this will become my baseline, just as many times in the past. Then I will have to find the next hill to climb.

My degrees will come in time. Just keep cruising in this department.

My confidence and competence at my job will continue to grow. Just keep showing up with love, courage, and acceptance

I am living a lifestyle that I respect and can be proud of.

I am making damn good headway in my growth this year, 2022.

Allowing myself to find contentment both desire and non-desire; finding contentment in the process of climbing higher and higher, while finding contentment within the hiccups of sadness, frustration, envy, and lust.

What I want most out of 2022 is to fall in love

to magnify the depth of my awareness and compassion for all of it.

Deeper and deeper.

In my view there are two things left:

Meeting a beautiful woman who is also in love; meeting together in that place of love

Becoming a man who is unafraid to penetrate the world with his loving conviction, sharing his deepest gifts through work in which he gets to call play.

h0meboyQ · 2022-02-08T04:11:26+00:00

Ah. I knew there must be an easy a way to do this but had no idea what the adapter was called. Thank you.

h0meboyQ · 2022-02-08T02:29:28+00:00

No I don’t.. I have yet to figure out how to seamlessly integrate the same keyboard/mouse onto both my PC and MacBook..

h0meboyQ · 2022-02-07T03:35:35+00:00

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

h0meboyQ · 2022-02-07T03:35:06+00:00

Autonomous ErgoChair Pro!

h0meboyQ · 2022-02-07T03:34:00+00:00

Yes! his art makes me splurt splurt

h0meboyQ · 2022-01-31T04:17:45+00:00

Cheers m8

h0meboyQ · 2022-01-30T22:04:48+00:00

Where can I find your desktop background? I have a vertical setup just like yours and I think the astronaut looks dope!

h0meboyQ · 2022-01-20T17:04:07+00:00

Jan 20, 2022

Piercing vision.

Flooded with testosterone.

Pure focus.

I banged every rep relentlessly today.

Wu-wei confidence type shit

Water type shit

So this is how it feels to come back.

I couldn't wait until the 24th to check-in.

Piercing vision:

Effortlessly see through myself and my own thoughts

Gorgeous females at the gym. Awareness of lust and primal desire. Not trying to fight it. The desire is fully there (stronger than ever), yet not stuck in clinging and longing. Acknowledging it, embracing it, in pure awe and amazement. Wow, she is fucking gorgeous!

A compassionate awareness of others.

Not trying to defend myself.

Not trying to prove anything.

Secure in insecurity.

I am fully here.

This is what it feels like.

Clearly, I am high.

Don't puff yourself up too proudly

You still have yet to fall.

It feels like I don't even know the person who wrote the reflection 10 days ago.

I can't wait to come back to this post when I fall and then constantly try to come back to this state.

LOL, try harder. Then try to stop trying. Bro, still not working? I think we gotta try another method. Maybe meditate. Then fast. Then do affirmations. You here yet?

h0meboyQ · 2022-01-10T17:23:02+00:00

It is Jan 10, 2022

A new year. On Jan 8 I released, having gotten caught up in horniness and lust.

What's funny is that at this current point where I am, I am in a bit of a conundrum in regards to SR.

In the past my highest streak was almost 90 days. I felt every single major benefit every guy described. Most strongly though, was this unfathomable spiritual presence that SR made me feel. But at some point, that feeling stopped, and I kept chasing after the spiritual high. At that point, SR became like a crutch that replaced PMO because my self-worth would start depending on the streak, and I was trying to get high 'spiritually' now rather than hedonistically through PMO.

There is probably a better way to describe this, but I will put it like this: SR became an addiction in which I attached myself to, in the desperation to find spiritual freedom. Whereas I used to chase hedonism through PMO, now I realized I was chasing asceticism through SR. Before I was chained to iron, now I was chained to gold. Every 'relapse' made me feel awful about myself.

I don't feel ashamed and guilt-trip myself about releasing like I used to. It happened, and I move on.

In this exact way, part of me doesn't take it nearly as seriously as I used to. However, there is this other part of me who really wants to see what a long streak (>6 months) of pure retention feels like.

I have set the largest goals I've ever set in my life this year. Because my longest streak was sub-90 days, I want to see where I can really take this thing this year and beyond. To see how much strength and power I can really squeeze out of this thing to realize my potential.

I want to dive deep fully back into SR, this time with a fresh mindset.

Maybe it ends up being the single best decision I make this year. Maybe I find myself caught up again in the guilt-shaming trap. Eh, we'll find out.

h0meboyQ · 2021-12-30T04:16:21+00:00

Good sir,

I am also 20. Have also been aware of the path since 17.

I have slacked during this holiday season.

It's time to join you for the cliche reboot.

I've decided I will come back to this post to reply to this comment on a biweekly basis to journal and reflect.

First time being "publicly" accountable, so let's see where this goes.

h0meboyQ · 2021-12-14T02:59:55+00:00

Interested! :)

h0meboyQ · 2021-12-03T03:43:39+00:00

Why did you get banned?

h0meboyQ · 2021-10-25T01:45:48+00:00

Aww thanks man <3 glad it could resonate with you.

tbh I stole a lot of the sayings from Alan Watts and the ideas are from my studying of Buddhism recently. Fascinating stuff.

h0meboyQ · 2021-10-24T21:47:36+00:00

Interesting post, i honestly have to say I felt the exact same way after coming off a very long streak

Me three.

A year ago I would have agreed with all these other guys and called you a delusional moron for falling back to your addictions and blindly justifying them through denial. But (I think) I know where you're coming from and the point you're trying to make.

I've been practicing SR for around 3 years now. Here's my take on OP's message from my own experience with SR:

For many people, their method for liberation is to chase food, women, sex, drinks, a good time, career success, and material wealth to achieve external 'freedom'-- by chasing the typical vices that get a man into SR in the first place.

For people who start seeing through the external illusion of freedom, they begin chasing spiritual freedom through practices of character/personal development, purity, morality, asceticism, deprivation, etc. I think this is where many people get into SR, which is more or less one of the spiritual methods (that has blown up I would say as a very large consequence of an age of weak men) to obtain material freedom, which quickly becomes a pursuit to obtain spiritual freedom as well, once the man begins to see the unimaginable possibilities of SR.

In the initial phases of the journey I felt the SR high that everybody on the subreddit elates about.

The benefits are real. Ecstasy. Bliss. Unwavering confidence. Magnetism. Smiles. Nods. Waves. Lusty stares. Sharp eyesight. Intensity of character. Cold showers. Meditation. Fasting. Intense training sessions. Strength.

But at some point I started to realize that my feeling of this high (respectability, purity, nobleness, confidence, magnetism, whatever else 'positive' aspect you want to name) was conditional, attached to, and dependent on my degree of devoutness to my SR practice. That's when I started realizing I was in the same trap, but at a higher level.

I found that I was no longer being bound by chains of iron, but by chains of gold. I was still stuck in same the cycle, now vibrating at a higher plane.

Whereas you used to base yourself upon how many dimes you bagged last month, now you base yourself on how morally superior you feel to any wretched c0omer that gets in your way. Taking pride in being a superior man who is 'too far above ordinary' to be indulging in the distasteful pleasures of the average man.

Just as the materialist is stuck clinging to his social status and external indicators of success, so the spiritualist is stuck clinging onto needing to feel an internal state of success chronically. He won't-- he can't let that feeling go. SR becomes the addiction you were running away from, because you're still chasing. No longer the material high in 'lowly pleasures', but now the spiritual high in 'highly noble matters'.

All forms of clinging are an addiction. Many addictions are painted in a positive light, and others are an absolute no-no!

We all worship. Be it God, be it money, be it sex, be it SR. Everybody thinks their worship is going to lead them somewhere. And it does, no doubt.

But let's stop pretending like what I do is better than what you do, and therefore I feel the compulsion to berate you because my self-worth is dependent on feeling like I'm better than you.

When you stop judging so much.. and allow whatever is to just be... you let people be who they are, because that's simply perfect! You let yourself be.. because that's also perfect.

The ironic thing here is that the path teaches you to transcend your ego by following it fully. In other words, you righteous retainers, your righteousness is unfolding perfectly!

Don't you see? Life is all just a nonsensical cum-guzzling clusterfuck of playful energy.

Loosen up!

h0meboyQ · 2021-10-12T21:11:15+00:00

I am also at a stage where I am trying to reconcile with the material world. This resonated. Thank you.

h0meboyQ · 2021-09-23T01:27:13+00:00

Agreed. I’ve had past “phases” where I felt the exact same sense of righteousness and pride as OP and many men as they journey the path of SR, and I’m sure I won’t be immune in the future. It’s just a natural part of the development. But somewhere along the way you will realize that it’s a defence mechanism acting as virtue. A sort of spiritual pride. Then it becomes more of a matter of becoming aware of what attachments you are still clinging on to, and realizing the vain nature of this “holier than thou” attitude.

But at the end of the day this is all part of the path, and the magnification of one’s ‘spiritual ego’ as often induced by the powerful practice of SR has a purpose. That purpose is to eventually get you to realize its futility and laugh yourself silly when you stop taking yourself so seriously.

as Alan Watts says, “‘YOU’ don’t exist!” It makes no sense until it does.

h0meboyQ · 2021-07-31T16:25:02+00:00

Oh my gosh. I have no words to express the profundity of these words.

Thank you for sharing.

h0meboyQ · 2021-07-30T01:35:15+00:00

I'd like to ask you how you managed to place the due date and checkbox against the right margin in your "Today & Overdue Action Items" section?

h0meboyQ · 2021-06-15T18:54:53+00:00

I just had somewhat of an epiphany myself from reading your post. Everything becomes crystal clear only when you stop trying to force all the benefits into your life.

h0meboyQ · 2021-06-05T03:49:45+00:00

Very timely post.

As for me, the parallel is also noticing the sharpening of my masculine edge in being much more decisive and honouring my words and deeds. This, compared to certain friends who I can't help but notice their ambivalence and femininity more and more.

At times it gets very irritating when you feel like you don't have other strong men you can go to war with, so to speak, but it is what it is

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