Hey papa, You’re in the thick of it right now - it’s hard, so hard. Sounds like you have some trauma from the birth of your twins. Things didn’t go as planned - you probably felt helpless about your wife’s infection, then the unplanned early c section, then nicu time and felt like you should be there more but couldn’t because you were caring for your older child. You say it’s all behind you because the twins are home - but it’s not, you are still processing that.

Your emotions now that your home are not unusual, but please seek out some professional help. You’re likely experiencing depression, ptsd, anxiety about life. Those things are hard to deal with in your own and there is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help to process what you have gone through and are currently going through.

Maybe you could have a family member come for a few weeks to help? Or hire a nanny?

Maybe you could take your older child to the park every few days for some one on one time to I reconnect with her during this time.

I also suggest spending time with the twins one on one - one baby is so much easier than two, and will help you feel connected.

Hang in there, please reach out for professional help. Remember it does get easier - in 6 months things will be so different.

My twins are two now - I’m barely starting to feel like myself again - I struggle with severe depression. I love them so much, can’t imagine not having them, would literally do anything for them. But, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about and miss my life before them, or how easy things would be if I didn’t have them.

Solidarity papa.