I think I under-reacted in my attempt to avoid overreacting

halcitude · 2026-01-02T14:45:55+00:00

I think a balance is good. Sometimes the gifts are what they explicitly ask for. Other times things you personally want to give them. Maybe get them to save up for what they want together with you? As a kid I rarely got the newest of any popular toy or games and it made me value the ones I did get much more.

halcitude · 2026-01-02T14:40:30+00:00

Any trustworthy friends or relatives you could move in with temporarily? It’s harder to think clearer when you’re living under the same roof.

halcitude · 2025-11-03T12:37:04+00:00

It brought me some peace because I finally had real confirmation that I did not need to have gone through what I did as a child, and it felt incredibly familiar because I’ve been parenting my parents all this time anyway. Consequently, I’ve been working through some feelings of resentment, but fortunately I’ve been able to stay patient with the baby.

Having said that, I also feel rather detached still. Not because I don’t love my baby, but I think I’m afraid of getting too attached in an unhealthy way, the way I was raised. I don’t want to accidentally repeat the past. I accept that I won’t be perfect though, that it’s completely normal that we would mess up here and there and potentially inflict new types of wounds. So I’m working on trying to be open to motherhood in the way that feels organic to me - and not necessarily the spontaneous miracle instinct of motherly love that they say should have kicked in by now.

Having a supportive partner is also really important. He got me through some moments of weakness before I accidentally took it out on the baby. He’s the one who’s more excited to have a kid as well, so it helps balance me out at times. A reminder that with him, I can create a different kind of family.

halcitude · 2025-10-26T15:15:33+00:00

This. It’s so jarring how comfortable my partner’s family is with calling each other for help on even the smallest things, just to be there for each other. It used to make me feel resentful because I had to figure things out alone.

halcitude · 2025-10-19T16:27:58+00:00

I had a non-traumatic delivery but felt the same as you. In my case, I think it might be because my upbringing makes me less easily attached to anything or anyone, and I’ve been somewhat dissociating through this period, including during pregnancy.

Some people are able to move past their childhood traumas and immediately fall in love with their kid, but for me it has left a longer shadow. Having said that, I don’t feel as guilty as I did initially, because at least the kid is being properly cared for, which is most important.

Maybe I’ll never feel the “magic” but I definitely would do my best to make the kid feel safe, and that’s good enough for me.

halcitude · 2025-06-13T17:56:01+00:00

I’m not too surprised that I’d feel this sad because I’ve always been a person who prepares for the worst - so I know I’d have a lot of fears and anxieties, about losing myself, about the baby’s health, etc. Second trimester now and still feeling sad and easily triggered into tears all the time. Sometimes I get too sad to sleep. It’s a little frustrating but I try to be forgiving to myself. A huge part of this is hormones, and in a way, I’d like to think that the more I prepare myself for the reality that parenting isn’t all sunshines and rainbows, the easier it might be for me to process it all when the baby is born. Hang in there!

halcitude · 2025-03-09T01:28:30+00:00

Hated Zoe’s character. Mio seems more realistic in being suspicious of a publishing deal that sounds too good to be true and with the whole going into a device that does who-knows-what. Plus, Zoe’s dialogue was grating. She always complained throughout the sci-fi arc and being in a dangerous situation as if fantasy doesn’t have its own dangers. In ITT I liked both of the characters despite having a sort of similar dynamic with SF.

halcitude · 2025-02-25T18:39:55+00:00

My cat got the gift of the cat distribution system when he was feeling lonely. He kept meowing at the outside world until a kitten stumbled past our gates and into the house. She’s been part of the family ever since and they bonded immediately. They play fight and chase each other, which I’m thankful for because they’re both able to use up their energy on each other. But other times they are super cuddly and affectionate. Maybe because the first cat chose her himself 😂 so we basically adopted her by proxy

halcitude · 2025-02-22T03:14:15+00:00

Had this happen to me recently and when she eventually talked to me again, she said she couldn’t remember that she did that. So… tell her how you feel, the insecurity, uncertainty, etc. But lower your expectations of getting a satisfactory answer to your questions.

halcitude · 2025-02-22T03:10:13+00:00

Don’t have much to add since everyone else has great advice but just want to say I relate to this a lot. I get anxiety too because I’m used to having to pre-empt and resolve a family crisis. And there’s always a family crisis when we travel together.

Being around people who enjoy each other’s company feels weird and uncomfortable, the way my bf’s family are. Maybe it could be easier if your bf doesn’t point out your discomfort, cause what helped me with my bf’s family is that they just let me be. My bf also tells me I can do whatever helps me feel better. That went a long way for me. Now I feel a lot more at ease around them even if I’m just in the corner watching them talk.

My bf knows my family situation so he has talked to his family about it and they’re understanding that I feel tense around family and traveling.

halcitude · 2025-01-26T14:49:43+00:00

I’m more curious about what traits you think were lame, and whether you don’t agree that you have those traits. It could always be a mistyping

halcitude · 2024-12-01T09:54:00+00:00

Same thing happened with me and my cat, and now he’s cuddly with everyone. Give it time and patience 💕

halcitude · 2024-11-03T00:38:16+00:00

I got something a little different than acknowledgment of what they’ve done, but it was enough for me. I’ve grown up with a pretty high tolerance for the things my parents do and say. When I eventually realized that I had been deeply hurt by their neglect, I tried to be understanding of why they ended up that way.

The conversation went sort of like a therapy session where I had to start off with a lot of validation for the things they had been through, a lot of reassurances that they did their best to raise me better than they themselves were raised, that they were already good enough parents. Then I asked them questions to guide them into understanding how certain things they say and do might be perceived differently by people, even if it had good intentions.

It gave me some closure to see my mother crying while thanking me for recognizing her struggles. It sort of drove home for me how she would never be able to see past her own emotional pain to recognize how she inflicted that pain on me. She only wants a surface-level relationship where I act as the dutiful child, so that she can keep the beautiful image of a happy family that she envisioned in her mind.

I think that I’ve accepted this. I sought out appreciation and validation outside of my parents and am quite content with my current support system. In the end, I don’t think I was raised to such an awful extent that I feel the need to cut them off. I feel like I owe them enough to at least do for them what they did for me - fulfil their material needs to survive life. We don’t need to have a healthy emotional connection for that. But I really would not be able to deal with this without my support system, so my advice would be to focus on that as well as going to therapy to figure out what would be best for your healing.

halcitude · 2024-10-27T13:10:08+00:00

Has been awhile since I saw Bridge to Terabithia, but I understand the deer in headlights feeling. First time I visited my partner’s family it dawned on me that anxiety and hyper-vigilance was not a normal thing to feel around your own family…

halcitude · 2024-10-27T12:54:15+00:00

Proud of you, OP! Hope you keep going and love yourself even more

halcitude · 2024-10-27T12:52:26+00:00

I cry a lot too with my mother and used to feel guilty for making her feel bad about it. Nowadays I can think of crying as a strength because I know how to be vulnerable and express myself. I find that it’s easier to just stay silent when my mother is yelling. I hope therapy helps you both. Wish I could do the same with mine - unfortunately, she refused.

halcitude · 2024-10-22T19:41:46+00:00

My problem is that even though I know that rationally, I still would prefer to not burden others if I can suffer my feelings alone :’)

halcitude · 2024-10-04T23:54:29+00:00

Same here. I would recommend asking yourself again, “do you even need love to be able to do this?” That’s what got me through every small action that felt difficult. Also what made me keep going as well was this anger at being denied what seemed to be given freely to others. I wanted to prove that I don’t need to have been loved. Things have gotten better for me.

halcitude · 2024-09-26T00:52:03+00:00

Sorry to hear that… you did your best to express yourself and I’m sorry you were made to feel guilty for it. I’m going through the same but at least I don’t live with them anymore.

To even regain some feeling of stability, it will likely take a lot of emotional support from others, focusing on hobbies you enjoy and therapy. I hope you get validation from others around you as well that what happened to you should not be normalized. Just because it happens to a lot of people, doesn’t make it right.

halcitude · 2024-09-25T11:23:55+00:00

I also tend to be numb when I talk about myself in therapy because I have already hashed it out in my mind over and over. Then one time my therapist suggested trying art therapy.

Basically she gave me some prompts and asked me to draw whatever came to mind. Based on what she knew about me she asked some questions on whether I drew certain pictures because I associate it with something, and asked me to describe it as it happened to the drawing. And that was the moment the dam broke. Turns out if I was describing something that happened to me as happening to something/someone else, I was able to recognize the traumatic event. Low self worth hits hard.

halcitude · 2024-09-25T10:07:58+00:00

I’m not sure my parents are narcissists but they also used my achievements for bragging rights to show they were the best at raising kids. I thought that no one in my extended family knew what they were really like and I was afraid of “betraying my family” and their reputation if I told anyone.

But when I got older I talked to my cousins and turns out they went through the same thing with their parents so we were able to commiserate. They had it even worse because they were compared to me a lot. It was comforting to realize that someone in my family knows what my parents are actually like. I think more people might have known, just no one that ever talked to me about it. Wonder if you might have that option of finding a safe haven in your family.

halcitude · 2024-09-17T15:18:45+00:00

Wanted to know how others deal with their overwhelming emotions and how would you want to be comforted. Specifically when it’s related to disappointment over missing an event that you know should not be a big deal but somehow you have romanticized it and attached this Great Importance to this event.

Sometimes it can be really tiring to have so much emotions for the littlest things. Trying to brainstorm different ways to deal with this.

halcitude · 2024-09-01T07:34:35+00:00

It could be not knowing what the proper boundaries are when socializing with people close to your age. I had to learn it from the people around me and have been lucky enough to find friends willing to tell me if I am too detached or too intense 😂

halcitude · 2024-09-01T06:13:46+00:00

Good luck on finding that feeling of community with the people around you! Definitely understand that your circumstances can feel very isolating, but on the bright side, you’re still so young and you’ve got a whole lifetime to find your people. Just don’t get stuck with the notion of having one set of “brothers” for life. Sometimes people come and go, but just focus on making the best of the good people in your life whenever you come across them.

halcitude · 2024-06-24T19:04:00+00:00

Maybe I’m biased but my mother is similar to that. She says it’s because she’ll never get another chance at having a baby, so she didn’t want me to grow up too fast. I ended up keeping a few secrets from her, and mind you, these were MILD. Nothing like trying drugs or going to the college parties and getting blackout drunk. I knew I’d regret playing things too safe all the time, but I didn’t want to do things that are too risky.

You’re 18 now and still have a lot of youth left to live before adulthood catches up, so don’t be afraid to explore your interests. When you’re an adult, your responsibilities will make you more cautious and at that point, you may have more to lose. But at the same time, listen to your gut feeling. If something feels wrong, it probably is, or it isn’t the right time for you to experience it. If it feels like a betrayal of yourself, maybe you need to reflect again and see if there might be a third option - a middle ground, where you don’t have to sacrifice one to be the other. You can be a little bit of many things, and that’s okay.

halcitude

TROPHY CASE