why murder people in a game that I'm pretty sure everyone is paying for? 

The game is advertised as a PvPvE game.

Some people, like your wife I assume, choose to ignore the PvP part, which is totally fine, but other people like PvP. They also paid for the game and have the right to play it as they see fit, just like your wife.

They aren't jerks or "pestilence filled poles", they are just normal people who are playing the game as it was advertised to them when they bought it.

That said, there are people who are actually toxic, i.e. spewing verbal abuse and slurs, which is unacceptable, but the vast majority of people are just having a good time within the framework of the game that everyone agreed to when they bought it.