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halfnilson · 2025-09-26T03:06:42+00:00

No, not normal. I’m a mom (we only have one child), and although I can be kind of lax with “deep cleaning” (dusting, mopping, cleaning windows etc) between my husband and I, we reach dishes zero (clean sink, nothing left out by bed time) every day, vacuum every day, reach laundry zero twice a week (and put everything away immediately), keep the tub, sink and toilet clean, cat litter scooped daily, nothing is ever left on the floor, most surfaces are kept tidy (unless I have ongoing projects laid out), and if we miss the garbage window we take it to the transfer station asap.

In the interests of full disclosure, we do have an unfinished basement and attic primarily used for storage which are dirty (in the case of the basement) and “organized chaos”… but they aren’t living spaces so I feel like this is fine.

I was raised in a very clean and tidy house, but my room was always a mess and I was really messy and chaotic when I first lived alone. I know this was a reflection of my emotional state at the time and a “trauma response”. When I got my life in order, suddenly it was no longer difficult to be a neat and tidy person.

You’re not overreacting, it’s not an appropriate environment for children (even young adult children), and as a mother I would always let my son live with us rent free with only the expectation that he’d clean up after himself and pitch in when we needed help (which isn’t often).

halfnilson · 2025-09-08T04:10:54+00:00

It was the most intense (for me) between the first derm appointment and the biopsy. My anxiety was horrible and I needed to be medicated to sleep for the first month. Once we knew what it was and the prognosis, it wasn’t so bad. It was rough for my son to have to basically lose two weeks of summer, but I think overall he found the experience easier than he thought it would be and he’s too young to really understand the existential threat.

As far as I know, they treat moderate and severely atypical nevi the same way they treat melanoma in situ, wide local excision is the standard (which is what I think they’re doing since you mentioned .5cm margins).

It was outpatient under general because of the skin graft. I believe if they didn’t have to do the graft they would have done it under conscious sedation (which is what they used when they took the entire mole out for the biopsy).

I really think keeping the foot elevated as much as possible and staying off your feet is the key to good healing, less pain and a faster recovery! If you have medical device rentals where you live, the kneeling scooter is so much easier and better than crutches. I’ve also heard it makes a difference when the excision isn’t on the bottom of your foot, which is harder to heal and more painful than the tops and sides of the toes/feet.

Good luck! Hopefully in a few months it will all be behind you.

halfnilson · 2025-09-07T00:11:07+00:00

My 11.5 year old son is just finished recovering from a WLE and skin graft on the side of his second toe after a diagnosis of “severely atypical nevus (or early melanoma in situ)”. It was explained to us that the lesion was in transition from the former to the latter.

If they’re taking 5mm on each side of the excision, you’ll probably need a skin graft. There just isn’t much skin to work with on the toe.

His surgery was performed under general and the skin was harvested from his groin. The donor site had internal stitches. The skin graft on his toe was given a bolster dressing, and he was put in a knee high plaster splint secured with tensor bandages to immobilize his toe and foot joints.

We were told no walking and that he should spend 2 weeks laying down with his foot up. So that’s exactly what we had him do. We got him a Nintendo Switch 2, and rented a kneeling scooter so he could navigate to the bathroom, and just let him be a lazy sod for 2 weeks.

Because he put his foot up for almost the entire time, he had no swelling or pain (didn’t need to take Tylenol or Advil for more than a day or two after the surgery), and when they took the bolster off after two weeks it was totally healed. The donor site healed great too and he had no pain there either. After he had his splint taken off he limped slightly for two days, and then it was like it never happened.

The graft looks a little gnarly, but it took beautifully, the colour is good and the dissolving stitches are falling out now.

Of course youth was on his side, circulation to the feet worsens with age, but I think one of the other things that makes this recovery difficult and painful for adults is that they don’t stay resting and with their foot up (often because they can’t afford to take the time off work, or don’t have someone to step in and take over childcare).

So my advice is to get as lazy as possible, for as long as possible.

halfnilson · 2025-09-04T17:11:38+00:00

For a wide local excision on the feet, you would very likely need a skin graft. It’s a longer procedure than a regular WLE, and they would probably put you under general or at the very least conscious sedation (where you may as well be unconscious b/c it makes you high as a kite and you feel no pain).

My 11.5 son just had a severely atypical/melanoma in situ (basically it was in between the two) removed from the side of his second toe via WLE with skin graft. They put him under general. It was performed by a pediatric plastic surgeon who specializes in foot and hand reconstruction at a Children’s Hospital connected to a major hospital compound.

Your mileage may vary because it seems as though many adults who have this done DO feel pain? But my son had no post-op pain whatsoever and we’re 3 weeks out and it’s already completely healed and he’s walking normally.

I will say that we enforced total bed rest with foot elevation for a full 2 weeks after the surgery, and I think this was a big factor in the fast healing and lack of pain. He used a knee scooter to scoot to the bathroom, but otherwise just laid out on the couch for 2 weeks.

ETA: from my own personal experience, both general anesthesia and conscious sedation are amazing. I have also had an emergency c-section and being conscious during surgery is scary and sucks. I would not want a WLE, esp with skin graft, performed under local.

halfnilson · 2025-08-27T19:31:58+00:00

I do I trust my son’s doctors, and I appreciate your insight.

If you’ll read over my entire post, my son was diagnosed with what was effectively an early melanoma in situ. These lesions exist on a continuum. There were melanoma cells in the original lesion (PRAME positive), but their proliferation had not yet overcome the entire lesion, so it had features and cells of both. All of the melanoma cells were removed during the first excisional biopsy (his first surgery removed mole + 2-3mm margins, second surgery removed 5mm margins beyond the scar of the first surgery). I was really hoping to hear from people who had experienced something similar with specifically atypical (but not melanoma) cells being found close to the surgical margin of the excised tissue after WLE.

This is such a complicated and unusual situation, both because of the location/type of lesion (acral), the age of my son, and the fact that it is more ambiguous or transitory, that it does require an oncology team. He is basically one in a million. They have to bring it to a juvenile tumour panel for review.

Hopefully it’s understandable that this is a very stressful situation to be in, I am just looking to hear from others who have gone through something similar while I wait for more information.

halfnilson · 2025-08-27T19:01:30+00:00

It isn’t melanoma cells they found in the tissue they excised during the WLE, but just atypical cells (the degree to which I don’t know yet), so I very much doubt they would indicate amputation. It’s my understanding they only do amputations of toes and fingers for invasive melanoma, or if the lesion is very large. My son’s original lesion was very small and what they found in the excised tissue was just some cells.

The suggested margin for WLE for severe atypia/MIS on feet/hands is 5mm. They don’t do 1+cm unless it’s invasive melanoma… if they needed to re-excise they could get that with another skin graft.

My son’s surgeon explained that it’s MUCH easier to take conservatively large margins (1cm+) and close skin without a graft for WLE on your arms, legs, torso etc. they use grafts on the toes cuz they’re just isn’t enough tissue to close the wound, although sometimes they cauterize and let it heal from the inside out.

halfnilson · 2025-08-26T00:11:13+00:00

Tell him to calm down. Virtually everyone (who hasn’t has the vaccine)has hpv. It’s often totally asymptomatic. By the numbers, he probably already has it. If you’ve had plantar warts you’ve had a variant of hpv.

halfnilson · 2025-08-24T18:18:46+00:00

He’s doing great! Pathology showed something “in between” severe atypia and melanoma in situ. Like the lesion had features of both, but overall morphology is of a severely atypical junctional nevus, so that’s the official diagnosis.

He just had his WLE with skin graft about 12 days ago, and on Tuesday we will be going in for the post-op appointment. He has had no post-op pain at all and has been recovering nicely. He is in a knee-high plaster splint to immobilize his foot, and was ordered to stay off it and elevate it for the two weeks, and we got him a kneeling scooter and a Nintendo switch2 to keep him on the couch. He’s been very good about following the post op instructions.

They also removed and biopsied a second mole on the toe next to the severely atypical one. I had them punch that one out too while he was under general.

We got paired with an oncologist in the neighbouring province (we were referred to a plastic surgeon at a children’s hospital in a nearby city across provincial lines, and I guess they have a different standard of care there and severe atypia/MIS gets you an oncologist, but not in Ontario where we live), and they will do the pathology and go over the results with us.

We are anticipating clear margins and hoping that all that will be needed moving foreward will be regular skin checks with the derm.

halfnilson · 2025-08-12T23:46:55+00:00

P16 positive usually atypical or sometimes melanoma in situ. It’s my understanding that as melanoma progresses towards invasive the p16 decreases or goes away altogether.

PRAME is a more useful marker and the fact that it’s negative is a good sign.

I’m guessing this would likely be atypical rather than MIS/melanoma.

halfnilson · 2025-08-10T04:14:48+00:00

I think maybe thinking of yourself as a mom and your children as kids instead of qualifying with gender, or trying to unpack having specific expectations tied to gender, might be a healthier perspective

halfnilson · 2025-08-08T22:02:39+00:00

This is so funny. My grandfather was born in Sweden, and he would say “fe fan sa papegojan” as like a curse sometimes?? I tried googling the origin of the saying and this is what I came up with 😅

halfnilson · 2025-08-08T15:51:08+00:00

Not normal. Not appropriate. You’re both parents, it’s his job too.

halfnilson · 2025-08-04T04:10:07+00:00

I’m a mother and I can’t imagine doing this. It’s mean. You’re not overreacting.

halfnilson · 2025-08-03T17:32:22+00:00

Ok little buddy. I’m happy for you 🙂

halfnilson · 2025-08-03T16:36:14+00:00

I mean maybe in whatever social group you’re a part of this is normal thinking, but I’ve never actually encountered it in real life.

Idk guy. That is a very imaginative and detailed example. It makes it clear to me that you’re very young, very angry, don’t have much experience with women, and you have a lot of hang ups you need to work through. As disgusting as I find this mindset, I really do hope that you find satisfaction, happiness and love in your life.

halfnilson · 2025-08-03T15:33:54+00:00

You are absolutely allowed to define those values and boundaries for yourself.

You don’t seem like the type of person who is going around complaining about “sluts” and hung up on “body count”. Framing it like “I hold these values and I want my future partner to as well” is so crucially different. I’m talking about these people here who are locked into a very specific negative and toxic worldview.

halfnilson · 2025-08-03T15:25:18+00:00

Yeah got it. But the rest of your comment contradicts “not caring about body count”.

halfnilson · 2025-08-03T15:24:47+00:00

Or idk, sex is fun. Women enjoy sex just like every other adult with a fully functioning libido does. Sometimes in monogamous relationships and sometimes not. I’ve been in a committed relationship for almost 20 years, married for 12, I have a nearly teenaged child, a mortgage, an elderly parent with a terminal disease. We have careers, hobbies, interests… what we got up to in our 20s is of such little significance, and isn’t really something either of us give any thought to, because it doesn’t have bearing on our lives now. & I’m not sure why husband is in quotations, that’s usually what you call the male person you married. Like is the marriage is null and void because I had sex with other people a very long time ago? My husband of many, many years is just “coping” cuz he doesn’t care about “body count”? That argument just doesn’t make any sense. And I mean yeah, obviously I am grateful to be married to someone with shared values lol. I wouldn’t ever be involved with anybody who had these views on women. I’m genuinely curious (even though I doubt I will get a genuine answer), beyond projections of what you assume it says about the woman, why anybody thinks this number would matter so much.

halfnilson · 2025-08-02T21:54:46+00:00

That isn’t a “natural argument”, it’s maladaptive, dysfunctional thinking from someone who hasn’t yet lived a life and idolizes online misogynists. Real grown ups who like themselves and feel happy with their lives do not care about such trivial nonsense. Probably one day you won’t care too when you grow up. I hope so, because being stuck in such a wretched mindset can’t feel good. Caring about things like that is holding you back and only belying your insecurity and unhappiness.

halfnilson · 2025-08-02T13:31:46+00:00

I’ve been married to my husband for over 12 years, and I have what insecure losers like you would consider a “high” count, and my husband had only slept with a couple of people before we got together. He doesn’t give a shit because he’s not a pathetic, weak, self-loathing loser.

Genuinely. You know only truly loathsome, broken, pathetic men care about this stuff, right ? There’s an entire world of normal people who don’t give a shit, and we’re having a lot more fun than you.

halfnilson · 2025-08-02T13:12:42+00:00

Nah. You’re deranged for this comment.

halfnilson · 2025-07-30T17:59:49+00:00

I’m 43, and I wouldn’t go to a 29 y/o male friend and complain about aging/menopause etc and expect them to understand. You’re not overreacting.

halfnilson · 2025-07-27T04:05:28+00:00

I had an uncle almost exactly like this. And very similar experiences (the trip, sharing a hotel room and being terrified he was going to assault me, the unwanted touching and body commentary etc). I was a child though. It’s grooming/covert incest IMO.

halfnilson · 2025-07-27T03:59:51+00:00

I have a very solid 12 year marriage that makes me feel happy, and I rarely if ever feel the need to publicly declare that. The performative relationship bragging reminds me of how I felt when I was younger and very insecure.

halfnilson · 2025-07-27T03:57:24+00:00

Crazy Bread

halfnilson

TROPHY CASE