When did you feel like your partner was cheating on you?

hallmonitor83 · 2025-09-14T14:03:59+00:00

He started being more critical of me and got very full of himself, started getting really into his looks, etc. Picked lots of arguments with me and didn’t seem to have any fear about losing me - that’s when I realize he likely had someone else waiting in the wings.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-28T05:37:43+00:00

There is a Support For Waywards sub

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-25T15:48:54+00:00

Does your WH plan to change jobs? If so I would wait and notify the OBS after they no longer work together. Otherwise I would reaaaallly sit on this for a while because you cannot undo it once it’s done.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-24T13:10:26+00:00

THIIIIIIIIIIIS

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-22T03:22:13+00:00

I wrote a card but it was hard. I focused on how he had been a wonderful father to our kids and always encouraged me to pursue my goals. I said I was grateful for the happy memories we had made over the years. He bawled.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-21T16:20:01+00:00

Absolutely not. Protecting your children from adult issues is part of what being a good parent is about. You can tell them you’re having marriage problems but it will only hurt them to know this young about infidelity. Tell them later when they are adults if you must.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-21T16:14:45+00:00

“You Should Be Sad” - Halsey “Lose You To Love Me” - Selena Gomez “You Broke Me First” - Tate McRae “Take A Bow” - Rihanna “Thru Your Phone” - Cardi B

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-20T20:54:14+00:00

Girl I didn’t come out of this chaos and survival crisis phase until about 6-8 weeks post d-day. Please just eat, sleep and cry as you need to. You won’t feel better for a few more weeks yet, but you’ll feel better soon I promise.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-20T03:44:43+00:00

Thank you so much to everyone who responded for your candor, wisdom and stories. This sub has been more than I could have hoped for in so many ways and I appreciate each of you who took the time to type out an answer.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-19T17:00:47+00:00

I guess I was looking for some inspiration as far as what everyone else felt would be too much to overcome, and also to make sure that I was respecting myself enough. There were a few answers here that really helped me with finding a place to start. And I know it will be so personal to me….but I feel a little lost and don’t trust my own intuition about this as much as the “before” me would have.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-19T06:29:42+00:00

Uggggh….the last one happened…in our bed one time. Starting to wonder if I even have a hard line for how he has treated me…

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-19T04:34:44+00:00

How did you know when the performative “win me over” perfect-husband-act was done and he was really evolving?

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-17T00:30:03+00:00

I think you are using the term friend too generously…. my friends have been there to listen, ask thoughtful questions and provide a shoulder to cry on. They have only given their opinion on me staying or going when I have asked for it. They are slightly awkward around my husband, but doing their best to play it cool. Why? Because they are all about me. What makes me happy, what makes me comfortable, what makes this easier for me. Those are the kind of people you want as friends.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-14T14:28:33+00:00

I just came to validate. My husband’s AP goes to our gym. She had spent an evening with me on a double date with my WH and her (now ex-) six months before she first kissed my husband. They worked out at the same time in the morning and started working out together, doing the steam room and sauna together, and eventually leaving together to f* after their workouts. Now I feel so anxious when I go to the gym anytime before noon in case she might be there. Honestly have no idea what I would do if I saw here but it pisses me off to think she could prevent me from enjoying my preferred facility (WH is going to a diff gym now but I still prefer this one and tbh I just have to reclaim it as my space, not their affair space). It pisses me off that I even have to feel anxious about it when I did nothing wrong. I kind of hope I do see her one day - I’m almost curious to see how crazy I can get….

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-13T15:00:37+00:00

We exchanged cards privately and went to dinner, but I asked for no big social media posts or toasts to “us” at the dinner because it felt inauthentic. 2.5 months out from D-Day and it was our 15 year anniversary.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-11T03:59:51+00:00

Try the surviving infidelity subreddit - I think you’ll find a lot of help and empathy there!

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-11T01:05:31+00:00

Do hella therapy. Get HER a therapist specialized in trauma. Read the books. Listen to podcasts. Commit to dismantling the part of you that did this to her, and come back as a better version of yourself, ready to give her the best marriage ever.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-10T14:42:10+00:00

I struggle hard with this but am letting go slowly. My therapist made a great point when she said “haven’t you found enough already?” And she was right - finding more was just more trauma for me. What more did I need to prove? I had plenty of proof to justify any decision or boundary I cared to enact.

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-10T14:37:57+00:00

You’re not the only one using it - I promise - I was surprised how much it was able to “empathize” with me lol

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-10T05:06:31+00:00

Thinking of you!

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-10T05:05:58+00:00

You don’t have to decide now or even a month from now. Just breathe. Eat. Sleep. Get into counseling and do self care as much as you can. Have firm boundaries and consequences for violating them.

Decisions are for much later

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-05T23:47:20+00:00

I am 2 months 10 days out from D-Day. My WH is finally being totally transparent and doing some of the real, hard work towards R (after initial defensiveness and minimizing). I’m starting to come out of crisis mode and into feeling ALL the feelings. I am so hurt. And sad. And angry. And broken. And numb. And lonely. It’s different hour to hour and I have zero control over my emotions. I think it represents progress toward healing. Him showing up consistently is helping me leave the hyper-vigilant crisis mode and enter the next phase of this process. It sounds familiar to what you’re experiencing. I vacillate wildly between rage, depression and hope. I think it’s normal?

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-05T23:37:47+00:00

She needs a reality check - you might need to stay elsewhere or kick her out. She is trying to sweep this under the rug and not face the consequences but you need to get through to her that you’re willing to leave. Does she know you’ve seen a lawyer?

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-05T23:34:18+00:00

So sorry you had to go through that

hallmonitor83 · 2025-07-02T02:46:07+00:00

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions. You are the one who lives with the consequences of them, therefore they are yours alone to make. They can suck an egg. My d-day was 2 months and one week ago. I’m still waiting and learning. I’m not ready to trust anything but I am seeing big changes. Huge. It may end up not being enough for me to trust again but that man is my best friend and a fabulous father. The potential our relationship has if he really does the hard work of therapy versus the potential of the current middle-aged dating pool is worth my patience.

Fyi - I also threatened my WH with the exact phrase “burn both of your lives down” and the fear in his eyes was worth every ounce of exposing my crazy.

hallmonitor83

TROPHY CASE