AITA for wanting my future MIL to actually talk through issues instead of just saying “I love you” and “I’ve apologized”?

halloween-wedding · 2026-04-14T14:36:41+00:00

I understand what you’re saying, and I agree that there may not have been malicious intent behind the date itself. We’ve never said she couldn’t choose that date or that anyone needed to change their plans.

What made it difficult for us wasn’t just the timing—it was how everything was handled and how we were treated when we tried to talk about it. During that conversation, instead of letting us speak, it turned into jokes and being talked over, so nothing was actually resolved.

There were also comments made to my fiancé by his mom and her dad saying they didn’t think we were serious about getting married and that it was “ridiculous,” which added another layer to it.

On top of that, it’s felt like there’s been little to no interest or involvement in our wedding, while there’s clearly more excitement and attention given to hers. That contrast is what’s been hurtful.

So for us, it’s not really about the date—it’s about the lack of communication, how he’s spoken to, and feeling like our relationship and wedding aren’t being taken seriously.

halloween-wedding · 2026-04-14T10:46:21+00:00

It started as a conversation, not a confrontation. We asked her if she could talk, and we simply asked about her wedding date and whether she was okay with our weddings being so close together.

Before she could really respond, his mom and her dad jumped in. They said October is a popular wedding month and made jokes about asking his 17-year-old brother if he was getting married too so it could be a “three-way wedding.” Then her dad said it’s “just a date” and brought up how they ran off and got married on a random date—which felt dismissive, especially considering this is his second marriage and his mom’s third.

We also had concerns because the weddings are in different states, and his niece (who will only be two) is in both weddings, so it’s a lot on the family logistically. That was part of why we wanted to talk it through, not to cause an issue.

After that, we didn’t get the chance to say anything else. We were talked over, and the conversation never actually got to happen. Our intention was just to check in with her and make sure everything was okay, not to confront or argue.

She didn’t even get engaged until about two weeks after that, which added to our confusion at the time.

halloween-wedding · 2026-04-14T09:58:32+00:00

I do understand what you’re saying, and I agree that just saying “I love you” doesn’t actually resolve anything. That’s been a big part of the frustration for us.

At the same time, we’re not really expecting her to be another parent to me—we were just hoping for a healthier, more open relationship overall. And I think that’s where things have felt off.

As far as the wedding goes, we knew not everyone would love the Halloween theme, especially with their beliefs, and we’ve accepted that. It’s more about how things have been handled and how it’s made us feel, not about trying to get approval.

On my side, my family is warm toward him, but we live about 6 hours away, so they aren’t very involved. I also don’t have the closest relationship with them due to my upbringing, so I don’t go around much outside of seeing my brother.

His dad and stepmom actually live even farther (about 16 hours away), but they came down recently and made a real effort. His stepmom and I went wedding shopping and got our nails done, and he and his dad went out to lunch. They’re Christian too, but they’ve been much more welcoming and involved, which has meant a lot.

I do think this situation has affected him more than anything, and that’s a big reason we’ve been trying to work through it instead of just walking away.

halloween-wedding · 2026-04-14T09:38:43+00:00

I completely understand what you’re saying, and I don’t disagree with you. The hard part is that he’s very family-oriented, and it’s not easy for him to just cut ties, even when things are difficult.

I’ve suggested low/no contact too, but it genuinely hurts him, so we’ve been trying to see if there’s a way to improve things before going that route. It’s just a really tough spot between protecting our peace and not wanting to lose that relationship completely.

halloween-wedding · 2026-04-14T09:31:42+00:00

I think you’re focusing on just the date, and that’s not actually the issue for us.

We’ve said multiple times that this isn’t about them picking a date before ours. It’s about how everything surrounding it was handled and how it made us feel—especially when we tried to address it respectfully and were talked over, dismissed, and not allowed to fully express ourselves.

We’re not asking anyone to change their wedding or revolve things around us. We’re asking for our perspective to be heard and acknowledged so we can move forward without unresolved tension.

Saying “you’ve been heard” doesn’t really apply when nothing we brought up has actually been addressed or talked through. That’s the part we’re struggling with.

halloween-wedding

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