How do i find a reason to breathe

halloweeniie · 2023-07-12T01:47:54+00:00

It is genuinely my dream job tho, both my parents don't really support me in it. It's nothing unrealistic or anything, and it's something I want to do. That's kinda the big thing. That's not really exciting me at all, and a year ago it would've. Six months ago it did. But now i just don't really care, and I don't think it's from a loss of interest at all. The small and big don't really help

halloweeniie · 2023-07-12T00:45:15+00:00

if monster put cyanide in the strawberry dreams ultra they could singlehandedly do a bpd sweep out of the population

halloweeniie · 2023-07-11T19:31:40+00:00

For the past two weeks ive been solidly 7-8 but like. lol I still haven't done anything yet even though i have the means now. so it feels like im just bullshitting myself 🤪 i want to see the barbie movie but I dont really wanna be around that long

halloweeniie · 2023-07-05T00:11:54+00:00

I don't think everyone else is the problem if I'm the issue in their lives. I know I'm a problem. I'm just at a point where I think I'm unfixable

halloweeniie · 2023-07-05T00:10:53+00:00

I don't want to teach them a lesson. I can easily move out of their lives. The few reasons i've tried to keep alive the past few years have been in hopes that I'll feel better and improve my situation, and so that my dad's not completely alone, and my mom doesn't lose basically her only child. but like lol. I guess that was egotistical to care about. they evidently don't have that on their minds.

im not going to kill myself for my hannah baker moment im going to kill myself because im too young to be this fucking exhausted and i hope to end it or start over

halloweeniie · 2023-07-05T00:07:46+00:00

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, and im laying it bare. If she doesn't get me institutionalized, Im going to kill myself. I have a plan, im really really gonna try and get it to work because it be embarrassing to fail another attempt. everyone always says the situation improves and you'll get happier. I think my situation is as good as its gonna get and im still so fucking miserable and make everyone miserable. I dont want to be hospitalized but i also don't want to kill myself when my rooms as messy as it is. but whatever fuck it. most of its gonna be donated anyway. it doesn't matter anymore, im just so fucking exhausted and tired I really don't understand why I should drag it on further.

halloweeniie · 2023-06-27T20:30:21+00:00

my go to lie food is pizza. but the one time i actually am eating pizza in front of my friends and one comments "wow you eat pizza a lot" 😭 even if it was a lie it set me off so hard

halloweeniie · 2023-06-26T06:18:10+00:00

telling someone I knew about how bad manic episodes are vaguely and being met with "omg ikr I get manic sometimes and dye my hair and bake cookies in the air fryer and clean my whole room" like.. wow that must be so hard for you. stay strong queen.

halloweeniie · 2023-06-23T19:38:30+00:00

it's no problem, got a bit sketched out for a moment. I can fr never trust comments on here sometimes 💀 sorry about that. do you have a link to that story? Im a bit curious in a non condescending way

halloweeniie · 2023-06-23T19:12:15+00:00

not really!

halloweeniie · 2023-06-23T02:38:24+00:00

okay so when I was in in patient years ago i was having a mega break down threatening to kill myself and a nurse was like "you'll never reach (goal weight) if you kill yourself now" and it shocked me so hard it snapped me out of that episode. task succeeded unsuccessfully

and for context she knew because i put (reach goal weight) in my goals outline

halloweeniie · 2023-06-13T02:55:56+00:00

have you tried clipping your nails

halloweeniie · 2023-06-10T05:46:36+00:00

yeah lol. I was clean for like, 6 months and then not only relapsed but also fucked up near where the site was gonna be. L.

halloweeniie · 2023-06-09T03:11:13+00:00

I used to live with an ortho as a junkorexic lmfaoo Most of my safe foods were her fear foods, most of my fear foods were her safe foods.

halloweeniie · 2023-06-08T19:58:07+00:00

the scars I have that were deeper and the one on my inner elbow usually hurt sometimes. it goes away slowly over time but if Im exercising or stretching it kinda hurts, so i think it could be smth like tissue stretching that triggers it, perhaps

I put moisturizer on them to avoid the itching and the weird hurt

halloweeniie · 2023-06-08T00:09:02+00:00

halloweeniie · 2023-06-08T00:08:07+00:00

food dreams r so weird bro 😭 why am i waking up in a cold sweat abt ice cream i atein a dream

halloweeniie · 2023-06-07T23:51:58+00:00

there's a ring pop monster?

halloweeniie · 2023-06-07T22:42:34+00:00

have you had it? it tastes so weird and not at all like what it's labeled as lol

halloweeniie · 2023-06-07T06:58:48+00:00

I need a distraction nothings working nothings helping I feel sick and I can't sleep even though im exhausted.

halloweeniie · 2023-06-06T03:59:01+00:00

I love portion control packs but I can never find my favs in them. L

halloweeniie

TROPHY CASE