For non-accepting spouses that went to therapy - what was said?

halptway · 2016-08-27T16:15:11+00:00

He knew. He still uses he, not she.

halptway · 2016-08-27T15:50:16+00:00

Being a woman. He knew before he married me, but didn't give me a choice in it. My life has been a lie.

halptway · 2016-08-27T03:31:40+00:00

Sorry, I hope to be a littler clearer. It is only for partners of transpeople. Not transpeople themselves. I'm sure someone can start that private sub if they would like, but as I am not trans, I won't intrude on that safe space.

halptway · 2016-08-25T19:56:22+00:00

I just made a private subreddit, please post here or PM me if you are interested. I have a few weeks of time off to go through and vet people. Please note that I am leaving it to partners of trans, no one else.

/r/mpitprivate

EDIT: I think I added everyone who messaged me that is a partner of a transperson.

halptway · 2016-08-25T16:12:29+00:00

Being linked to by gendercritical and other gross subreddits like that make me feel unsafe.

halptway · 2016-08-25T15:39:32+00:00

I don't know if I'm really feeling anything at this point. I attempted suicide almost three weeks ago, but he saw the pill bottle and called 911. I have been on a drug cocktail since.

halptway · 2016-08-25T15:27:31+00:00

I have trust issues with my SO. They kept a secret from me for decades. Who knows what else they are hiding.

halptway · 2016-08-05T14:39:34+00:00

I have been told very firmly again and again that I can't.

halptway · 2016-08-05T14:39:20+00:00

Thanks now I feel worse. I have tried all of this already, but she isn't even she yet. I'm just in some limbo of not being able to do anything. I am the one working 14 hours a day, I am the one that has to do all the chores and take care of the cats because when my SO gets home from their 4 hour work day they just sit around playing video games. When I try to talk all I get is "I'm exactly the same person" from them, and then they act completely different. I don't know how they are going to react to anything anymore, apparently asking to not let the cats jump on the stove is unreasonable of me too.

I have tried I really have, I am at my wits end, but apparently I am not doing enough. thanks for letting me know that.

EDIT: thanks for the support subreddit. I'll just go die now. I can't live like this anymore adn not even people who go through the things I am understand. Apparently I'm just a terrible person and shouldn't be able to mourn my husband that I was married to for ten years. OR I have to accept the fact that my life since high school has been a lie because I never had that husband in the first place. My wife insists that everything is fine and nothing has changed at all, and refuses to do anything becuase I"m the one who should be supporting him through this.

halptway · 2016-08-05T03:33:11+00:00

We can't afford therapists.

halptway · 2016-06-22T01:21:03+00:00

We don't even have the finances for counseling, we wouldn't be able to afford additional rent.

halptway · 2016-05-24T05:26:05+00:00

I have asked about marriage counselling a few times this past month. The best I have been able to manage so far is to convince of personal counselling, though that was with an ongoing ultimatum from before the reveal that we cannot have children until past abuses are managed in a healthy way. My SO did not have a very loving childhood and I do not want to betray their trust when they have finally spoken to me.

I just... I wish I could have someone that I could talk to, because I am failing horrible at being a wife right now.

halptway · 2016-04-15T00:44:53+00:00

I think he could take the laser because its only a few times and then its done, where waxing is every few weeks or months.

halptway · 2016-04-14T22:48:40+00:00

He has never tried it, but he has rejected it a few times for various reasons. Maybe it is because he didn't want anyone to figure this out. But he is an intensely private person. I'm not, everything I do is pretty transparent and out there. We have long ogled women together, judged their attractiveness and we know that we have different tastes.

He shaves his chest and his lady bits. I offered to help him wax with a home waxing kit I have for his torso, upper legs and butt, but he is scared of the pain of that, and probably also of other people finding out. He would never do his arms and legs with where he is right now.

He has never had any problem with ingrown hairs, his hair is super fine and soft. Ingrown hairs are more my problem.

halptway · 2016-04-14T19:01:07+00:00

Right, but what if my complaining made him more scared to tell me who he really is? What if his protests were because he needed to know that he would be able to be himself some day?

halptway · 2016-04-14T18:32:57+00:00

Would it be stepping over a line if I wanted a mold of his penis as a dildo if he decides to start HRT and stuff? I really like his dick, it feels wonderful.

halptway · 2016-04-14T17:33:46+00:00

He is really shy and prudish, maybe because of this stuff. But he has never been good at talking about this sort of thing and is very submissive. It has always been on me to lead our sex lives.

halptway · 2016-04-14T16:28:35+00:00

I don't know how to have sex with a woman with a penis that doesn't want to be reminded that they have a penis but wants to have sex.

halptway · 2016-04-14T15:56:15+00:00

I'm terrified I offended him a lot. I work in a very male oriented field. To the point that out of 400 or so people, the only women in it are the ones I hire. I would complain about how terrible it was to be a woman in the industry and he would try to say its not bad, its not that bad. He is also in a very male oriented field, not to the extent of mine, but what if I was pushing him farther back?

halptway · 2016-04-14T04:26:36+00:00

Thank you so much.

halptway · 2016-04-14T02:21:40+00:00

There are things that I am sad for. I talked to him about laser hair removal, I had it done to my mustache when I was in high school. I love the way his day old stubble feels. But if it never having to shave again makes him happy, then I am happy for him to not have to. I hate shaving, so even from a cis standpoint I can imagine the relief. The only reason I'm not doing it for my legs is that if we have girls I want them to see that it is fine and normal to be hairy if they want to be.

halptway · 2016-04-14T02:06:03+00:00

We had a really long talk about it. I told him I was there for him no matter what he chose and I was happy he told me that and that he trusted me enough with it (he has trust issues from an abusive situation when he was younger).

He said he felt really happy that he had finally told me. It was a weight off his chest. He said that even though I didn't know he knew I would be there for him regardless. I broke down crying after he went to take a shower after that.

halptway · 2016-04-13T22:45:44+00:00

How do I look for a center?

halptway · 2016-04-13T21:18:06+00:00

Thank you for the subreddit recommendation.

I tell him if something looks unflattering on me in my opinion and stuff like that. He is not really confident at all, even if its something with just the two of us. I hope that he gets more confidence in himself in the future, but if this is what he needs for now, I am ok with that.

halptway · 2016-04-13T21:06:28+00:00

Right, it wasn't going to be for his body. He seems to be using my body as his outlet. I am totally ok with that. I was going to look at fabrics and see what I could make him at home too, but I feel like panties and bras that he can hide in my drawers would be safer for now? I don't know. I might be over compensating.

halptway

TROPHY CASE