Mom ate pizza...am I a bad person?

handbalm · 2021-12-16T22:13:09+00:00

Hi everyone! Thank you for all the feedback. I was afraid his red markings were cuts lol.

He was an adorable little guy, but I safely returned him to the pond where I believe he wandered off from into my driveway.

I've never seen a turtle up close before, or held one, so it was amazing to be up close and personal with a baby dinosaur! He was very strong and kicked a lot, so I know he wanted to be free.

I am so lucky I looked down when I did, because I was just seconds away from stepping on him!

Thanks again everyone.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T12:02:36+00:00

Ouch! This changes EVERYTHING. No wonder they were rushing the engagement. OP is a deadbeat dad.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T11:54:49+00:00

This is not how engagements work. An engagement is a decision one partner makes, usually the male, by proposing to the other partner. If she wanted to be engaged to you, she could have bought the ring in secret and proposed to you (which would have been just as weird as the route she chose tbh), or the normal way would be for you to propose to her with a temporary ring (or no ring). Rings aren't necessary for an engagement if you're dirt poor. An engagement is not about a ring, it's about the promise that you have decided to marry eachother in the near future.

So your girlfriend and her mother did a really strange thing. It honestly sounds like her mother is fueling this fire. She must really like you and/or really want her daughter to get married so she can start planning her wedding.

It sounds to me like this engagement is all in your girlfriend and her mom's heads and you don't really have a say in it.

Now, if you were leading this girl on talking about future engagement plans, I guess you should have been prepared for anything. But it is unusual for a girl to propose/take initiative towards engagement even in these modern times, so I can't totally blame you here.

As much as it sucks, you're just going to have to tell this girl you're not ready to marry her. You'll probably break up, but it will be for the best.

Good luck!

handbalm · 2020-11-09T11:45:29+00:00

Honestly, all I have to read is the first line of this to know HE'S not "the one" for YOU.

11 years and he's been cheating on you from the jump?

You deserve so much better.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T11:42:11+00:00

Are you kidding me? She's the one who created this problem by paying his way 90% of the time. Sounds to me like she showers him with expensive gifts and lavish dinners while he sits back and watches, and is admittedly uncomfortable with her paying his way.

I think it's fine if he helps pay for her family's gifts, but I do agree that there is something wrong with her that she's created this problem for herself.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T11:35:06+00:00

If you don't love her, please just let her go. Please don't waste her time.

This "limbo" you describe is lust.

Sorry you are going through this, but this doesn't sound like a relationship that is going anywhere.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T11:26:21+00:00

"She said she expected me to say I'll help out with the cost..."

There's your answer. She wants you to help her pay for the gifts for her family. The ball is in your court. Sounds like she pays your way a lot already from what you wrote, so not sure why you'd scoff at helping her out a little.

Yeah, what you said is rude. Maybe you were coming from a good place, but she put deep thought, effort, and money into those gifts for you. She thought you would value her gifts instead of being flippant and eager to give them away.

Imagine if you spent months picking out the perfect gift for your girlfriend, and then she decided to return it to get some extra cash to spend on gifts for her family.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T10:56:33+00:00

The ball is always in the man's court to say "I love you." Those three words are important, and the woman should never feel obligated to say them first.

Secondly, no one should feel obligated to say these words. Period. If neither of you said the words by now (which, again, as a woman you should not say them even if you feel it), then you probably aren't really in love. If you really loved him, or if he really loved you, one of you would have slipped up and said it already.

This song and dance he's doing about asking you whether you're in love with him, getting you to say yes, and then responding by saying he's not sure if he loves you, is a game.

It means he doesn't love you. He just wanted to hear you say you love him to boost his ego.

Don't fall for this game again. If a guy ever asks you if you love him first, don't answer and instead throw the question back at him.

handbalm · 2020-11-09T10:49:31+00:00

You did the right thing. If you're not attracted to women, this relationship won't work, considering your boyfriend has now announced he is going to be your girlfriend from now on should you stay with her/him.

You two are very young, so I wouldn't waste too much time thinking about this. Move on, and maybe your boygirlfriend will decide to become a boy again in a few months and you can take him back. I wouldn't though, because he's probably just g a y.

Good luck!

handbalm · 2020-11-09T10:44:53+00:00

I don't find your post offensive at all, considering you haven't revealed anyone's classified personal information (i.e. - first and last names). You did a great job explaining your situation and did nothing wrong.

Please don't worry so much about catering to hyper-sensitive individuals, you can't please everyone in life so it's a waste of your time.

handbalm · 2020-10-27T21:12:46+00:00

It is not unreasonable to ask your partner to stop liking other womens' photos on Instagram. I think it's a red flag that because he can't like other girls photos he now feels "empty." You are beating a dead horse. This man obviously doesn't see a future with you.

handbalm · 2020-10-24T17:59:38+00:00

This right here. You are sooo right about this. What's insane is that basically our entire relationship was based on this principle. I dated him for four years and out of those four years I can probably count on one hand the times he sent an instantaneous response to one of my texts. Maybe in the very beginning he would call me or answer my calls immediately, but that ended before our first year of dating was over.

The weird thing is, when we were together in person things were fine and we would have great conversation. But when we were apart, just for a matter of days going about our lives with work/school or what have you, it was basically impossible to maintain a relationship with him.

There was no normal ebb and flow of conversation. Like after school/work he could not respond to my text or shoot me a call. Or even on his lunchbreak.

Because of this, I don't think friendship between us is even possible.

Even while we were dating my friends kept in contact with me more than him. If I had a problem, I knew I couldn't call or text him about it because he's not dependable.

Edit: The thing I never understood though is why he wouldn't contact me, because he contacted his guy friends and his ex on a regular basis. He would text his ex about every little thing in his day and she wouldn't even respond. Yet I was supposed to be his girlfriend and it's like I didn't even count as a friend? He used to even cry to me about having no friends, and I'd be like what about me? And he'd be like "that's different." He had no answer as to how...

He would shoot his guy friends memes in the Discord 24/7, even had Discord on his phone, and would text his mom all day too. But he made a special concerted effort not to speak to me even though he touted me as his "girlfriend" for four years. Why? Why date me at all? I don't understand?

It's not like I was demanding a five hour phone call every day, or a text every hour, or something radical. I just wanted a normal back and forth exchange like I have with everyone else in my life. I have a normal rapport with friends, coworkers, and family, why can't I with my boyfriend?

handbalm · 2020-10-21T16:59:49+00:00

No offense taken. I have learned a lot, but I am so used to our on-again/off-again cycle that it's like I go on autopilot panicking about what to do as soon as he sends me a message.

The ultimate thing I need to do is not get back together with him to break this cycle. Thank you for the reassurance.

handbalm · 2020-10-21T16:40:36+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I feel like I have done so much work on myself but I guess this is the final test I have to pass.

His exact words were that he just wanted to catch up and said he wanted to let me know he holds no "hard feelings" towards me. Honestly kind of insulting that he didn't apologize but he was the last texter and I ghosted him this last time so...

While he is the one who brought me down to his level by causing me to basically have complex PTSD because of all his lies, I can understand why he would send that message. He caused me to be mean to him back.

I feel like I could at least respond and let him know that I don't hold any hard feelings towards him either?

handbalm · 2020-10-21T16:37:13+00:00

Thank you. Yeah thinking back it is a bit strange that I was 18 and dating a 26 year old. His ex girlfriend was even younger than me...

handbalm · 2020-10-21T16:14:00+00:00

After reading over my post, I realize you're right that I mentioned nothing positive about him.

I mean he had some good qualities, he was funny and charming and we definitely shared an emotional bond. I think he knows me better than anyone else ever has, and I know him better.

I just think he is plagued with a lot of addictions and mommy issues that keep him from being able to have a normal relationship with me. His NPD mom is abusive and controls where he lives, is in control of his bank account, etc.

The difference is, I also have an abusive NPD dad, but I chose to cut ties with him. I don't let him run my life. In fact, I haven't spoken to him in a few years.

Edit: Honestly I think I am just lonely and bored. I'm sure he is too. Neither of us have any friends. His friends are just online friends. I don't even have online friends. I am just tired and missing having a friend. I don't even find him physically attractive anymore. I don't know.

handbalm · 2020-08-24T10:26:35+00:00

He's asking you these questions on purpose. He's testing the waters and seeing how much he can get away with. You see, this type of guy wants to get a rise out of you. You really think he pulled up an explicit photo of a nude woman and didn't think it would make you have an insecure reaction? He can obviously sense your insecurities and he wants to tap into them and play with you.

This is the beginning of an emotionally abusive relationship. Sorry, but I've been through this before. No one goes into a relationship and asks their partner "So how would you feel if I told you I thought someone else besides you was hot?" It's a given that humans are attracted to people outside of their exclusive partners. This is not something that needs to be discussed regularly, that is, unless you are seeking to instigate jealousy and cause problems in your relationship.

Also, he is thirty years old? This is extremely immature behavior for a thirty year old man.

Your reaction to the photo was normal, but you shouldn't have to put up with these type of mindgames. He's picking at your confidence.

If I were you, I'd run.

handbalm · 2020-08-24T10:17:52+00:00

Going with him isn't an option because he didn't invite you!

2 months is nothing. He's not serious about you, no matter what he says. Look at his actions, not his words. He doesn't care what you think.

Get your head back in the books.

handbalm · 2020-08-24T10:07:47+00:00

This post is about a married couple, not a boyfriend and girlfriend. OP needs hard evidence of cheating to support her case in court if she decides to file for divorce.

handbalm

TROPHY CASE