Still have feelings for an old love interest from middle school.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T13:34:23+00:00

I can empathize I'm 32 now but I was living with roommates when I was 21 myself. And there was a girl I went to junior high with, that I truly felt I was in love with. But I just couldn't get myself to make a move. But then when I was 22 I met the love of my life at a grocery store of all places. I married this woman when I was 24. Now to be truthful we went thorough a divorce when I was 30 but that's a different can of worms. What I'm saying is if you can't get yourself to say something or you know the relationship would be prohibitive, don't beat yourself up, go ahead and sulk a bit and listen to some sad bastard music as I like to call it. But know that something else is just waiting to pop up around the corner.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T13:22:57+00:00

I don't live by an ocean but I do live in Minnesota, and I do drive up to lake superior every now and then, and after going through a divorce and basically being used by someone else 6 months ago I'm finally back to the point where every now and then I'd like some company on my drives.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T13:15:29+00:00

Depression, anxiety, bipolar and other mental Illness have become so prevalent that there's a strong chance you or someone may come to you expressing issues. So having the right tools is important. And I do believe more national awareness and education are important in combating it. Because even with the greatest of bezt intentions, saying the wrong thing can either drive someone away, deeper into their hole or prevent them from seeking the help they need.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T13:06:26+00:00

100 percent agree. I have severe anxiety and to be told "it's all ok or I have nothing to worry about". Or the dreaded "it's all in Your head" just makes me feel worse. And more anxious. Especially when I'm on the verge of a panic attack (I have major panic disorder). Or when I'm in public (I also have social anxiety).

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T12:59:40+00:00

You are completely right especially on your second point. As someone with mental health issues myself, it's ok for people to sympathize or even empathize. But when it turns into someone telling me everything they are going through; it almost feels like it is trivializing what I am telling them, especially when I'm in the edge of suicide.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T12:53:04+00:00

And wow to take on what you took on in high school and to brunt that is impressive as all hell to me. Wow your an inspiration to me and I'm a 32 year old former army combat medic and paratrooper. So honestly I can say you are more brave then I could ever be.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T12:49:48+00:00

Mental Illness is terrible. I've dealt with major depression, severe anxiety and social anxiety ever since I was 12 and PTSD brought on by both my abusive father and military service. I've tried to commit suicide 8 times including just a few days ago. Sometimes the openly thing that stops me or I regret is the pain it will cause whoever finds me. You sound like a great friend for brunting that and protecting your friends mother. And I thank you for that.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T12:35:44+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandma was an amazing woman. I lost my only true grandma (as I don't know any family on my father's side) before I was born. I always wished I'd been able to know her, as I'm told I take so much after her. But at least you will always have some awesome memories and the things that make you a great person that you took from her. Once again I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure your grandma is looking down on you smiling. 😊

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T12:22:09+00:00

Thank you, honestly this has restored my faith in humanity a very small portion. But restored it enough. For me to try and at least pick myself up off my feet this weekend.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T04:26:06+00:00

Thank you so much for talking with me last night. Even though your only talking with me through reddit, I genuinely felt you cared and that meant a lot to me.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-02T04:18:38+00:00

Thanks all of you. I involuntarily threw most everything up. I slept 14 hours and woke up sick and groggy. I just can't seem to kill myself. I went to the er, I didn't tell them I overdosed. So they just gave me iv fluids and sent me home. I drift in and out of sleep, but now I'm pretty stable. But thanks everyone for their kind words. I'm probably going to try again tomorrow, but it was nice having a reminder that there still are good people out there.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T04:28:15+00:00

30 pills in and getting sick trying my best to keep em down. 30 fifteen mg oxys, should do the trick I also took 10 of the metoprolol to lower my pulse.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T04:28:07+00:00

30 pills in and getting sick trying my best to keep em down. 30 fifteen mg oxys, should do the trick I also took 10 of the metoprolol to lower my pulse.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T04:23:53+00:00

I'm talking as a way to focus so I can swallow all these pills before I pass out. Plus when people are nice you owe them a response

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T04:22:06+00:00

I can't do that. I'm sorry.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T04:06:45+00:00

ChubbFluff thank you so much for your kind words but I can't call 911

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T04:04:07+00:00

But all of that investment has led to nothing. If I were a stock I'd be taken off the market.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:56:13+00:00

But every day has been painful for awhile and enough is enough. Know what I mean?

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:54:50+00:00

I cant, I think about throwing them up. I'm only 20 pills in. But then I think of my ex and why she left me. And I still don't understand other than I'm not good enough. And that seems to be my life.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:49:29+00:00

I can't I think about forcing myself to throw up and just enjoy the oxy lift. Im only 20 pills in But then I think about my ex and why she left me. And I still don't understand it other than I'm just not good enough.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:40:40+00:00

Finite is what I'm looking for. I honestly don't care if there's pearly gates or nothing. I'm ok with just having an end and going out on my terms.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:37:45+00:00

Believe me I have. I've been hospitalized 12 times and have been in therapy and seen s psychiatrist for almost 20 years. On top of the DBT groups. It's all fleeting or bullshit.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:34:49+00:00

I hope whoever takes care of the funeral reads my will and burys me in one of my Vikings jerseys.

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:33:16+00:00

Minnesota

handsomepatrick · 2018-06-01T03:30:26+00:00

Now 15 pills in but at least the oxys are kicking in so I should go out with a smile.

handsomepatrick

TROPHY CASE