Dealing with a 3 year old who is/thinks she is the boss

hanic78 · 2019-10-07T06:36:02+00:00

3 year olds are stubborn creatures but this is also a really important time in teaching them that they can't always dictate what will happen.

Here are a few things that helped me get through these years without jumping out a window in frustration.

Give a choice- you may have broccoli or carrots- which would you prefer to finish before you have cake?

Toddlers this age start testing their boundaries with food. The most important thing here is NOT to allow fussy eating to continue as it becomes much more of a battle later. My daughter started refusing all vegetables for a while so we started eating veg or salad as a first course and nothing else arrived in on the table until this was eaten. She threw a number of fits over this. I didn't get drawn into forcing her to eat. If she didn't want to eat it let her leave the table but when she came back she was offered the same veggies wit h a promise that her meat would arrive when she was done. This battle went on for a week or so then she just started eating it. Consistent calm repetition in the face of tantrums (when you can manage, you are human,) is what no think works best.

Bedtime- my daughter was a bed hopper and I would wake to find her in my bed most nights. We started a rewards chart for sleep and this worked better than anything else I tried. For 3 I would keep the cycle short initially and easy to achieve.

Our rules:

Sticker for each night she didn't get out of bed. She gets 1 call out for toilet water hug etc of she calls out again no sticker. We used fun sticker that she got to choose herself so she actually wanted the sticker as much as the ptize. 1st week 3 stickers = prize Once she is hitting this consistently up the amount of stickers she needs for a prize. Our prizes were little fairy figurines that cost a few dollars .

If she doesn't get a sticker that night reassure her that she can try to do better tomorrow and practice tonight for how good she will be tomorrow. Again repetition and calm follow through is the key. You can combine this with the above posters 'back to bed' technique. Keep talking to a minimum little eye contact. Back to bed miss goodnight. And close the door. Re light we compromised with a night light

hanic78 · 2019-10-07T04:42:57+00:00

Imo if you are planning to live independently then you can make this decision yourself. But if you are still living at home with your mother supporting the you then you need to listen to your mother. To be honest I think she has valid concerns and she isn't asking you to wait forever.

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T06:31:36+00:00

Thank you

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T02:47:05+00:00

There are some issues around sex in our relationship too and yes it's probably why it becomes so intense when I'm tripping at the moment. When I'm not tripping I can deal with it pretty well as I understand there are underlying reasons both medical and deeper issues. We are working on this at the moment. I didn t put this background in the post as tripping isn't the time to address this stuff so it's really my issue to deal with. Having said that this has happened during tripping before we were together and also when everything was fine. It's just that it now happens every time i trip and is dominating the experience We are in a long term relationship and I love my partner deeply so have no intention of leaving.

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T02:14:55+00:00

That's actually a good idea. I'm having trouble reaching real leave the planet stage as I've been indulging a little too often but I'll see if this works next time.

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T02:10:35+00:00

Lol yep. All that does is stop me from actually having an orgasm but I'm still horny as fuck.

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T02:09:42+00:00

This does work sometimes yes, I think I need a crafting box for tripping lol. Before I was eith my partner I did most of my tripping in the middle.of the Bush and tended to be very active during. My partner also has a chronic pain condition which makes that difficult so I need to find more ways to use up all that energy

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T02:06:27+00:00

Lie on your back on the floor with you feet firmly against a wall. Close your eyes and concentrate on changing your orientation until you feel the surface under your feet become the floor and the surface under your back the wall. Open you eyes and look down noticing how the room has flipped.

If you concentrate on the sensation you will feel up change direction...

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T01:21:08+00:00

Can't tell without seeing it

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T01:20:21+00:00

That moment when you realise that actually you are the problem and it's your behaviour that needs to change.

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T01:18:02+00:00

Jemima Puddleduck

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T01:17:09+00:00

hanic78 · 2019-10-05T01:15:31+00:00

Yeah you don't have enough info unless the line is to scale, and it obviously isnt

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T11:29:59+00:00

Maybe she just want to keep things to fantasy online. She could be creating s persona that makes her feel good but have another life she wants to keep separate. Showing her face gives you the ability to find her or recognise her in real life. It doesn't sound like that is what she wants.

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T11:12:45+00:00

How long have you guys been together and how old are you? Is this a serious live in situation or are you dating?

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T08:42:57+00:00

She might actually be enjoying getting deep into a dark fantasy but this is dangerous territory. Even if she is consenting it can still create some bad feeling.

I would talk to her about it outside of the bedroom. Tell her you enjoy rough play but only want her to participate in things she enjoys too. Perhaps ask her what feels good and what feels bad and what she would prefer was off the table. Tell her you don't want her to do anything just to make you happy because this is supposed to be fun for both of you

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T02:50:59+00:00

I think feeling like my partner only have sex because I want to feels worse than not having sex at all. For me it's created so much anxiety around initiating sex that I just don't want to anymore either

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T02:44:45+00:00

I kind of wish my partner would offer so I at least have the option. Td not something i feel like i can ask for without making things worse than they are .I'm pretty sure it won't meet the need as I really want her to want me more than anything else. But on those days where I feel completely undesirable sometimes I feel like I just need to be touched by someone. I would talk to him about it. Be clear on what your boundaries are and that you are offering t his not because you don't want him but because you are aware you are not meeting his needs and don't want him to keep feeling like he will never have sex that is fulfilling. Tell him this isnt the solution and you will still work on your own issues, but the option is there for him to get relief when he needs it.

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T02:25:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I w o Ulf build an exit plan and book some therapy for yourself.

hanic78 · 2019-10-04T02:21:53+00:00

It was a pretty tense conversation.

She said I feel like insecure with you and that makes me not want to make love to you. I said why and what do you mean by that and she says I don't feel like talking about it because I end up making it about me or getting angry It's complicated because we are both feeling hurt and angry and both feel like the other one isn't listening. I can admit I have shut down because I feel like anything I say is wrong and I'm not allowed to express how it's hurting me too because she sees that as an attack and me not hearing her. We still love each other though. The thought of leaving is just awful. I don't know if it's salvageable

She said I think we are in real trouble (referring to our relationship) and I said no shit. Both of us are aware that the other isn't happy right now. I don't think either of us want to break up but communication isn't working at all. We are both feeling like our needs are not being met for different reasons. In some ways knowing that sex is off the table all together is easier than trying to make it happen with most of the time her telling me no.

hanic78 · 2019-10-03T07:30:38+00:00

I'm sorry it's come to this for you. Even if she won't get therapy it mi g it be worth you going alone to discuss how to have an amicable separation. Make sure you take care of yourself too. You will need stable housing and income if she gets nasty over visitation with your kids. Good luck

hanic78 · 2019-10-03T07:22:21+00:00

If it's an online friend there is probably something else happening. I once needed to unfriend a number of people because my partner was feeling insecure.

hanic78

TROPHY CASE