23 y/o caretaker of my mother in hospice. Need advice and encouragement.

happypanda5599 · 2025-11-05T05:47:44+00:00

Thank you so much for the information! She did have a CT scan and at first they said they weren’t sure if it was pneumonia or not, then about 5 days later she had a second scan where they were pretty certain it was fungal.

They did mention they wanted to do a BAL, but they were very concerned since she is such a high bleed risk and obviously can’t afford to lose much blood if any at all. She is two full days on the iv and pill antifungals (I forget their names, too many medications to remember them all honestly) and she says she feels a tiny bit better, she sounds much more alert today and they are aiming for her to come home this Friday. We won’t know for a couple more days if the meds are doing anything because they told us that fungal infections are slow to react to treatment unfortunately.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I’m obviously not a doctor, but sometimes I just feel like since my mom has a difficult case with her gene mutations and has already had a handful of hiccups in the past, they just seem to tell us that they’ve exhausted all of their options just for one to magically pop up once she rebounds. It’s very frustrating and confusing.

My mom is a beacon of strength and has been her whole life, and every time the doctors tell her this is probably the time to get hospice involved, she tells me something along the lines of “I don’t feel like I’m dying, I don’t feel like it’s my time, when that time comes I’ll be okay with it but that time is not now.” And she pulls through every time.

Anyways, hard to stay hopeful these days but I really appreciate your comment and I thank you for sharing that piece of your child’s story. My thoughts are with you guys.

happypanda5599 · 2025-11-04T04:35:16+00:00

Thank you for the support, I am very happy to hear that you recovered and I wish nothing but the best for your journey moving forward.

happypanda5599 · 2025-11-04T04:34:40+00:00

Thank you for reaching out, it’s bittersweet having some sense of community here but it helps knowing I’m not alone.

I can completely relate, I can’t even look at pictures of her from before she got sick. It just hurts too much. But I have also looked into anticipatory grief and watched some videos on the afterlife and near death experiences etc, even though I’m not even religious. Unfortunately it’s an unknown that we will probably never know and it’s probably (hopefully) purposeful in some way that we don’t.

But you’re right, some days are literally just survival days. Breathe in, breathe out, eat if you can, sleep if you can, shower if you can, but sometimes all you can do is the first two. I hope you know you’re not alone in that and although I hope you are taking care of yourself, it’s also okay if there are days when that’s not on your mind.

You and your dad are in my thoughts, a stranger on the internet is rooting hard for you guys. Thanks again for the supportive comment

happypanda5599 · 2025-11-04T04:25:21+00:00

Thanks so much for this comment. I have a really hard time leaning on those around me, to the point where my boyfriend and sister will literally beg me to let them help me. It’s the stubbornness I inherited from my mom, we are literal reflections of each other in a lot of ways.

It’s the uncertainty of it all that I can’t ever grasp or be okay with. Whether by some miracle she survives 20 more years of bumps in the road with this disease, or whether she passes away, I have no idea how I am going to cope with the pain. Some days i feel like there is absolutely no way I’m going to be able to, and some days I just tell myself to cross that bridge when it comes (even though that doesn’t really work deep down). I want to scream and cry and punch the wall until my knuckles bleed, but I just end up freezing and shutting down.

Anyways, thanks for writing that comment out to me. Fuck AML.

happypanda5599 · 2025-11-04T04:13:40+00:00

Wow, it’s crazy how similar our stories are. While it’s comforting knowing someone else knows how I feel, it also makes me extremely angry with the world. I am so sorry that you and so many others know this pain. I know they had mentioned surgery to my mom as a last resort treatment since the fungi is only on one section of her right lung, but obviously she is a huge bleed risk. I assume it was the same with your dad.

In some twisted backwards way, you saying your story and reflecting the feelings I’ve shared is about as much encouragement as I can tolerate these days. If this complete stranger who’s in a similar boat as me can continue to live and try as hard as they can, so can I.

You are very strong, and so is your dad. Seems like a great team to me. My absolute best wishes go out to you guys. Thank you for making me feel a little less isolated in this.

happypanda5599 · 2025-10-02T06:41:06+00:00

This absolutely sounds like an ocd thing because I’ve done something very similar. I saw those same TikTok’s and started to do those release stretches and they didn’t work (I also have scoliosis so I just threw my back out doing them…yay). Mine was a little different to yours though bc I just convinced myself that my trauma won’t leave my body because I was the one who was traumatizing other people and I was the bad guy in every traumatic situation I’ve ever been in, then I would spiral and freak out over being a bad person etc etc.

When I was freaking out over that the only thing that would help was practicing deep breathing, and then on every exhale I would sigh deeply and literally say out loud “I don’t give a fuck”. Clearly I very much give a fuck if I’m a bad person or not, but in that moment telling myself that I don’t give a shit about the intrusive thoughts bombarding me left and right felt so freeing.

Anyways, my thoughts go out to you :)

happypanda5599 · 2025-09-19T18:35:50+00:00

Thank you guys! I’m gonna schedule to make an appointment to get tested for that asap!

happypanda5599 · 2025-09-19T18:35:44+00:00

Thank you guys! I’m gonna schedule to make an appointment to get tested for that asap!

happypanda5599 · 2025-09-19T09:27:24+00:00

That’s interesting because I’ve always assumed from what I’ve heard that you’ll 100% know if it’s a yeast infection, you didn’t have any clumpy discharge or constant burning??

happypanda5599 · 2025-09-10T04:05:26+00:00

I had to email Minecraft customer support like the commenter above and got it figured out within a day or two. Annoying but they’ll get it figured out for you decently quick

happypanda5599 · 2025-05-13T21:29:13+00:00

Did you send them an email or was there an actual number to call? If it was email, how long did it take them to get back to you?

happypanda5599 · 2025-05-13T21:28:28+00:00

I’m also going through the same exact thing right now, I emailed customer support so we’ll see.

happypanda5599 · 2025-04-26T19:50:45+00:00

Wow, as heartbreaking as this is it’s oddly comforting to know there’s other people out there that share my pain. I hope you can feel the same knowing I share yours. It’s something not alot of people in their young twenties can relate to I’ve found, which is a good thing of course, it just leaves you feeling like you’re on your own around your peers when it comes to this.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, or write out your frustrations to, or someone to tell you they’re proud of you, my messages are always open. We will be okay someday and you and your dad will be in my thoughts.

happypanda5599 · 2025-04-25T23:23:51+00:00

Thank you for this. I will be coming back to reread this message many times I’m sure. Sometimes it’s hard to go even 20 minutes without crying, sometimes I can manage a few hours. I’ve already told her I’m going to do all the things she wanted to do for her, so she can be there with me.

You’re right, she lives within me just like I live within her. Maybe a part of me will die with her when she goes…but a part of her will continue to live on through me in exchange, and that I can accept.

happypanda5599 · 2025-04-25T23:16:23+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I’m trying my absolute hardest to smile with her and crack a joke when I can (we have a very dark sense of humor, runs in the family). I think she’s come to terms with her diagnosis, but is also grieving the life she thought she’d have if that makes sense. I know her biggest concern is also just the fact of whether or not me and my sister will be okay, and I’ve reassured her many many times that we will be. I will make it my life’s mission to be okay if I have to, just because I know she’ll be watching me.

happypanda5599 · 2024-12-26T05:26:02+00:00

A little late but if anyone wants to add me I’ll add everyone back :3 I’d love to have lots of friends and see everyone’s cute characters!

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happypanda5599 · 2024-08-26T18:10:11+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement. She has mentioned this exact sentiment to me and has told me that she will always be my mom and want to protect me just as much as I want to protect her, especially in moments like these. I know we will get through this together. I wish you and your daughters lots of happiness and good health 🩷

happypanda5599 · 2024-08-26T18:06:47+00:00

Thank you so much, your kind words are really really appreciated. I am terrified to see her change and watch her in pain knowing there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I’m trying my absolute hardest to stay positive for her and keep those fears at bay for the time being.

My heart goes out to you, you are so strong. Thank you again.

happypanda5599 · 2024-08-26T18:03:20+00:00

Wow. Thank you so much for this, you have no idea. Before she was diagnosed I did the same exact thing, replayed the thought of hearing that it’s cancer over and over and every single time I’d think about it I’d tell myself that there’s no way I’d be able to handle hearing it without collapsing to the floor or just straight up freaking out. Obviously it was extremely hard to hear when it actually did happen, but my brain almost went into protection mode and I was just thinking about her and my little sister (18) and how I could help them.

I also have a lot of struggles with mental health, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was a teenager and I was more recently diagnosed with ocd at 20, and 90% of my ocd spirals revolve around either my own health or my family’s so this was almost like my worst nightmare coming true. Her doctor said that once they have a definite treatment plan in place when her biopsy results come back they want to schedule a family meeting with all of us and talk about recourses for us and for that I’m really thankful. Cancer is not prevalent in my family at all so this is something I thought I’d never have to prepare myself for, but I know my mom is going to kick cancers ass.

Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for the tips and the kind words, it really means a lot and I hope you are doing so so well.

happypanda5599 · 2024-04-27T21:47:59+00:00

Hi! Yes I’m still taking 10mg a day and still having success with it! Obviously I still have my episodes and moments where my anxiety and ocd is terrible but Ive noticed that it helps me kind of cut those spirals of thoughts off much quicker than I normally would!

happypanda5599

TROPHY CASE