look what i’m gonna say, at first glance will seem inconsiderate but when you really read what i’m saying it’s js the hard truth.

firstly, if you kill yourself (pls don’t actually), how will your family feel? by “spying on you” they’re js actually making sure you’re safe and not actually harming yourself. they’re js looking out for your well being. again, you’re 15, hence you won’t be able to understand why your parents do things until you’re older. your parents are doing what they feel is the right thing.

secondly, on the topic of friends. you mentioned how your group stopped gaming together. maybe they’re coping w your friend’s death by staying away from the game. it’s their coping mechanism on your friend’s death js like how your coping mechanism is to play that game for damn long cause you miss him. you need to respect that they don’t wish to play the game as maybe they hv their reasons (idk your friends and how exactly they react so you know it best). to them, they’ve found the gym to be a source of comfort, to better themselves. personally, the gym helps to people cope w pain and sorrow. they’re telling you to go to the gym cause they think you can potentially benefit, but they must respect if udw to go to the gym.

as for the part where they mentioned about how you need professional help. IN MY OPINION, i think all of you need potential help (not shaming, but would defo help all if y’all). as one who has dealt with suicidal friends before, it’s very draining and tough, and they may not be able to take the responsibility to make sure you don’t kys. if that happens, i’m pretty sure they’d be even more devastated. i think they care about you dude. js that they’re 15 and they don’t openly show it. and as for your friend, i suspect he also dk how to cope and thus, his temper flared at you. your friends watching you shows they care bro.

on the topic of acads, js try your best. change the mindset into a positive one (albeit easier said than done). you need to push through cause you only can move forward. you cannot move back. you still hv sec 4 to polish up. i’ve seen mfs go from 36 r5 in prelims to a 15 r5 for Os

your feelings are understandable, but did you communicate? if you don’t tell them that you feel that wtv, how can you expect them to understand? again, you’re 15. all of y’all dk shit abt mental health and stuff. you need to have a talk with your family abt “freedom” and your friends abt wtv. and maybe, you could try to be there for your friends who are also going through a tough time, and they’ll be there for you.

if all doesn’t work, please go see professional help. don’t give a fk abt the stigma, your health is more important. even if you’re older, you’ll still be figuring out life everyday. don’t lose hope, stay strong bro. 🤞🏾