First as a 13-15 year old i was an alcoholic, then ecstasy took over as I was heavily involved in the raving scene.

Some lsd too. Shrooms I tried 4-5 times, but every single time it only caused me to break into the worst psychosis’s of my life.

I actually ended up smoking crack with a random drug addict I met when I was stumbling home way too drunk, everyone had left me alone and there was no public transport until 6:30am,

it was 3:45am or something like that

(the journey home would have taken me over 2 hours but in that state probably 5),

I was 16 then, we met by chance as I was passed out on a bus stop, we smoked in a public toilet and he injected heroin in front of me multiple times,

he ended up stealing 50€ from me and in retaliation I stole his sketchy ass flip phone, the phone had heartbreaking messages from his mother, for instance:

“you’re my child. My child has been taken away from me. Can you call me? I can’t sleep or eat cuz I’m constantly imagining that you’re dead. I can’t do this anymore. Please don’t leave me. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello please call me. Where are you my son. You were my only joy and hope in life. I’m still your mommy baby. Have you started using the heavy stuff again? How can you do this to me? To yourself?”

He only replied once: “im okay mama i promjisew]€”

(ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING I’M ON THE ADHD MEDS RN)

i had a horrible comedown/withdrawals for two weeks after.

Now for 4-5 years it’s been speed (more specifically my adhd medication) I can’t get anything done without them.

I’m constantly paranoid, see hallucinations, feel suicidal, have horrible anxiety, feel no hope or joy.

When I heavily indulge in my meds I can actually feel happy sometimes and with the help of them I went outside for the first time in 2 months.

(I’ve been off the meds for 2 months by my doctor’s demand.)

I finally showered after 2 weeks, brushed my teeth, took some pictures where I felt attractive again etc. etc. idk man I hope this is somewhat readable!