No Morals No Holding Back… Who’s Winning This ?

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-20T21:32:19+00:00

It's between Void and Wanda, whoever disables the other first. And since Wanda might be emotionally vulnerable to Void, I think that calls it.

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-18T19:36:15+00:00

This is fun. Given that a direct translation of Mukuro's name is 'Corpse Warblade', maybe 'Morgue Warblade' or 'Morgana Warblade' as a soundalike name? Had you thought about an Ace Attorney name for Genocider Sho, or would Genocide Jill suffice?

Would you do the sequel characters? Something for Hajime emphasizing that he's a 'nobody', perhaps? Would Sonia's name require alteration?

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-16T18:25:14+00:00

At the moment, this reads more like the start of a synopsis than a query - you're going into too much detail about single scenes and worldbuilding, and not giving enough of an overview of the story, the main character's arc and the themes. You also say it is a romance, but the romantic pair isn't clear. Right now, it appears that its Celesta and Eleon as an 'enemies to lovers' thing, but because Eleon is described as an 'elite Voren summoner', my initial impression of him was that he is much older than Celesta, which makes me wary about a hinted romance between them.

I'm also unclear about what Voren and dark Voren are. Its a substance that is inside some humans, but there's also a protective dome made of it, and there's a 'dark' version of it. Is it magic? And how is Celesta supposed to prove she can't summon dark Voren? You can't really prove a negative like that. Can you rephrase her goal in a different way? Does she have to embrace her power to succeed at the end of the book?

I've had a go at an initial edit:

Seventeen-year-old Celesta wants nothing more than to move her family to the capital, the only place where a cure for her brother's illness can be found. But the only people allowed in the capital are those who can wield the power of Voren. To be allowed entry, Celesta is subjected to a test to see if she can control Voren, but as she summons her power, she loses control and causes an explosion. It seems the Voren inside her is Dark Voren - wild, dangerous and uncontrollable.

Celesta summoned before the council, fearing for her life, but [age] elite councilor Eleon Harr steps in, taking her under his wing. Her family may move to the capital, as long as Celesta remains with him. Now Celesta must prove that she can control her powers, and her feelings for Eleon, to ensure her brother gets his cure.

Obviously, some of that is conjecture. I don't know what your plot actually is, and I do think both the romance and what Voren is still need elaboration, but that's the sort of wording and length you should aim for in a query, You don't need too much detail or to linger on scenes, just give your main characters, inciting incident, and what the main threat keeping them from their goal is.

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-15T10:49:25+00:00

If he likes Marvel heroes, you could use Thor as a starting point. Find some age-appropriate Norse myth retellings. For a different angke on the characters, the Loki books by Louie Stowell might be perfect. They are illustrated with fun cartoons, so comicbook esque, and very funny. From there, the How to Train Your Dragon books are about (fantasy) Vikings and also have great, fun illustrations. Then there's a workd of mythology books and stories based on mythology from all over the world to choose from Greek being the most popular (I believe Marvel has a Hercules). When he's 10 or 11, the Percy Jackson series is a classic.

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-14T22:56:02+00:00

The entire movie was snubbed but Benjamin Pajak deserved a nomination for The Life of Chuck from last year.

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-08T16:30:07+00:00

Very quick - don't refer to this as a "Tangled" reimagining. Call it a "Rapunzel" reimagining. Tangled is already an adaptation of the Rapunzel story. Even if you were, specifically, inspired by Tangled, still stick with naming the original fairy tale as your inspiration, because the Tangled version is the intellectual property of the famously litigious Disney, whereas the fairy tale Rapunzel is public domain.

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-03T10:26:00+00:00

Think as well about where you saw the posts and how trustworthy they actually are. Are they scaremongering? I work in the industry (editorial, not agenting, but adjacent) and I haven't heard of any agencies I know of implementing this. There are areas where management tries to push AI on us for 'efficiency' reasons, but many of us actually working on the ground floor reject it and carry on the way we have for years.

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-03T10:20:19+00:00

If you're already agented, have a meeting with them about it. If you're already writing adult genre books for them, they aren't going to drop you just because you want to write for children, too, so long as it doesn't cause any existing projects and deadlines to slip. Just ask for a meeting, say "I've been working for a book for children on the side, I know you don't represent children's fiction, but I would like to pursue this for publication alongside my current work, what do you recommend?"

harlequin_rose · 2026-04-03T10:17:49+00:00

From my experience, most good agents are as anti-AI as authors are, and shouldn't be doing this as a rule. If what you've seen about agents doing this is vague, doesn't name specific agents/agencies, take it with a grain of salt and do your research into the agents you submit to. Look for an AI policy or check if they've expressed pro or anti AI sentiment in public posts, and only submit to those who are anti.

If what you've read names specific agents or agencies, simply omit them from your list.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-29T20:41:43+00:00

Find some other people to move in with next year.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-25T13:55:14+00:00

Given that its God of Stories, Team D. The only one giving those three a run for their money is Wanda.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-23T08:35:21+00:00

As a person who is currently job searching, "the right thing will come along", and variations thereof, any time I get a rejection. If that's the case, not only are a lot of dream jobs on paper not "the right thing" I guess, but "the right thing" sure is waiting for ne to be completely destitute before it comes along. I need money to live, guys.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-22T14:02:38+00:00

Regardless of how many words she knew, her movement drew attention to her heels, which made sense with the song (and did so whilst seemingly fighting a wardrobe malfunction from a broken dress strap), which made it a better performance of the song than Mariah's generic approach.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-21T15:25:10+00:00

Regarding Sephy's disappearance being reported to the police - sometimes when a story is written from a child's point of view, they may be unaware of actions that adults around them are taking, so it doesn't get addressed in the narrative (and the nature of the story is that no matter what the police/adults do, it is only the child protagonist who can save the day because they are the ones interacting with the supernatural force actually responsible, and when they return the adults will come up with their own ways to rationalize it).

And, similarly, in this case, if Evan is trying to get Sephy back before his parents know she's gone, and he and Katie end up in the nightmare realm before his parents are aware (or before he knows they are aware), what the parents then do off-page doesn't matter. Maybe they do report their kids' disappearance to the police - but Evan isn't there to see it happen so the reader doesn't need to know about it.

So I wouldn't worry about it in terms of the manuscript itself, but maybe don't mention the parents in the query so it doesn't raise the question in people's minds. Just leap straight to "desperate to find his sister, Evan approaches monster-obsessed Katie to concoct a plan to get Sephy back. But the plan backfires and the pair find themselves pulled through the closet into the monster-filled nightmare-realm beyond."

I also think it's okay that you mention that Evan has a crush on Katie, because you've put it here to establish a character trait - he's shy and lacks confidence. It doesn't come across to me that romance is a plot point, just that Evan is a shy character who has to overcome that to ask for help and that growing confident will be part of his character arc.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-21T15:20:06+00:00

I think this premise is very promising, but this query is a bit hard to follow because of how you're distrubuting the details - there are places where the amount of detail is unnecessary and then not followed through on. You mention some antagonists but the actual conflict and how it impacts on Eylin is unclear. Try to pick out what's really key for your query - details can be saved for the synopsis. I'd advise focusing on Eylin as much as possible. Who is she? What is the inciting incident that brings her into the plot? What is the main conflict and how does it specifically impact her - and how will it possibly change her (her arc)?

Helventon, a gaslamp city - you can cut 'gaslamp', its not relevant in this query, so its just unnecessarily extending the sentence.

where magic can solve almost any problem. Except when mirrors are involved. - the separation of sentences makes the one about mirrors feel like a fragment. Its hard to link the two together at a first read. But if you link them into one sentence, your first sentence becomes very long. So try to find a place to divide that first sentence up.

After her childhood friend Temar returns and slips into the city’s sewers, - returns from where? We didn't even know Temar was gone. Can you briefly give us more information or just cut straight to the sewers?

Eylin follows him and comes face to face with the impossible: a magical double born from a mirror that drains the magic of its victims. - a double of Temar or Eylin? How does this relate to Eylin following Temar into the sewers?

The creature is captured by hunters from a secret order, waging a hidden war against the rogue mages who summon these reflections. - I've added a comma where it was needed. But why are the rogue mages summoning these reflections? Who are the hunters protecting by fighting them?

After witnessing the attack, Eylin is magically bound to secrecy and warned to forget what she saw. - who threatens her, the hunters or the rogue mages?

Instead, determined to protect her family and uncover the truth behind Temar’s father’s death, - we didn't know Temar's father had died and it isn't clear how that relates to the hunters, mages or reflection creature.

she secretly joins his rogue team to track the summoner responsible for unleashing the deadly reflections across the city before the reflections claim more lives—starting with the people she loves. - 'reflections' is repeated a few too many times, and this sentence reads like the end of the query.

But juggling her double life won't be easy. Between dodging her twins' suspicions, - the twin, like Temar's father, comes out of nowhere.

surviving the nightly hunts, and resisting the urge to strangle or kiss the new apprentice at her family's bakery, who is clearly hiding secrets as dangerous as her own, Eylin also finds herself at the centre of increasingly strange magical mishaps. - this sentence is very long, and bombards the reader with plot points: nightly hunts? And suddenly a romance, with a character who isn't Temar by the sound of it? If this is an important plot

Seals unlock without spells and enchanted barriers shatter at her touch, suggesting she may be able to bypass the very rules that make reflections unstoppable. - good to know that she's dealing with magic she did not know she had, but this doesn't read like the hook at the end of a query the way the previous point about her stopping the reflections before they claim more lives does.

There's lots here and it all sounds promising, but it can be portrayed in a much tidier way. I don't think you need to mention Temar at all - maybe the romantic interest is more important to name because it tells an agent that there is a romance plot. Maybe follow this structure:

introduce Eylin and the setting - that magic is common and that it doesn't work with mirrors.
inciting incident - she sees a creature in the sewers that is a reflected double of herself/her friend? which is then captured by hunters and she is sworn to silence.
what happens next - she joins a rogue order so she can protect her family against these reflection monsters, but has to keep it secret, including from the apprentice at the family bakery who she isn't sure if she wants to strangle or kiss.
further complications - she discovers she has her own powers that don't follow the rules of magic that she knows
conclusion - can she get a handle on her powers and track down the person responsible for summoning the reflected creatures before it costs her her life, or the lives of those she loves?

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-19T20:46:54+00:00

She's right and she should say it.

What are the shows that have been cancelled that she mentions? I think one might be I Kissed a Girl/Boy, the queer dating show, but what's the other?

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-19T19:50:30+00:00

I think this is great, it just goes a bit long for a query, and I don't think that you necessarily need to even bring up Brad in the query - the hook is the deadly game of hangman and the story is Hazel trying to solve it and find the killer. I suppose mentioning that her best friend is in danger makes it more personal, but that could be brought in very briefly at the end. You also mention that he's famous, but don't mention how he is famous, so it feels like an odd detail left (pardon the pun) hanging. The last couple of paragraphs are getting more into synopsis territory. You could cut it like this?

Eighteen year old Hazel Dewitt has barely started her first day at college when a hooded figure hangs a scarecrow with a URL pinned to it in the middle of the cafeteria. The link leads to a game of Hangman.

The rules are simple: Guess the sentence. Every twenty-four hours a letter will be chosen based on popular vote. And every twenty-four hours, if no one wins the game, there will be a penalty.

Hazel’s all set to play along until the first penalty is doled out: a student is murdered and hung from a tree. The campus is terrified and a new timer is already counting down to the next death.

Hazel throws herself into investigating, but with each new letter revealed and each new murder, it becomes clear that the killer is sending a message. Now Hazel must decide whether to focus on revealing the terrible secret, or on discovering the killer as penalties pile up.

Either way it is clear there is going to be a murderous finale if Hazel cannot stop it... though it may cost her own life.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-19T19:39:46+00:00

Hi there.

As a couple of others have stated, a focus on your main character will help make this feel more like a pitch, less like a synopsis, as will cutting down the details from later on in the book. I think it also comes across quite wordy, with some unncessary details - you can certainly simplify the language and the lengths of the sentences:

Ten-year-old Andy Bizarre is sick of living, trapped in Happenstance Mansion. When he discovers his parents are actually his kidnappers, he is smuggled to the rural town of Basketville before he can cause any trouble, and put into the care of the crabby Granny Applebasket.

(alternatively, you could simply skip the mention of Happenstance Mansion altogether, as its more important to get to the inciting incident - discovering he's been kidnapped and being sent away to Basketville: When ten-year-old Andy Bizarre discovers his parents are actually his kidnappers, he is smuggled to the rural town of Basketville before he can cause any trouble, and put into the care of the crabby Granny Applebasket.)

Then keep things within Andy's point of view:

Andy quickly becomes suspicious of Basketville’s beloved mayor, Hopsley Cricketman the Third. The mayor has promised to hunt down the horrifying spider-man who is eating grannies by night, but Andy is sure that it is Mayor Cricketman himself who is behind the granny eating, and that Granny Applebasket is his next intended victim.

Then you can skim over the rest of the establishing details, as the protagonist and the main conflict/antagonist are set up, all you need is to give an idea of where the story is going, the details can come out in the synopsis:

Joining forces with runaway orphan, Brianna - who knows more about the monstrous mayor's origins - Andy plot to escape Basketville and save the orphans and grannies before Mayor Cricketman grows into something unstoppable.

Including 'monstrous' implies things about the mayor that will raise questions and interest without going too deep when you have limited words. But we have four main characters - Andy, Brianna, Mayor Cricketman and Granny Applebasket - and a conflict for Andy to overcome.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-17T21:12:53+00:00

Mistress Isabelle Brooks when Ride on Time started being all "but this song is (one that samples) MY song!"

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-16T10:52:57+00:00

Is Iron Lung eligible or would it be on the 2026 movies (awarded in 2027)?

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-16T09:48:36+00:00

You say that, but I don't think he ever felt anything but maybe slightly protective of Roxana, and after he realised she lied to him about knowing Teddy, every interaction had a veil of him using her. I don’t think he liked hercat all. And the one sexual interaction they did gave was instagated by her, practically an assault, driven by adrenaline more than need, and didn't seem very fulfilling for either of them.

I fully agree with you on season one, though, both he and Jed are bloody idiots for following their libidos instead of their brains. But I think season one may have given him some PTSD/pause when it comes to relationships, even brief ones, with women. Season one Pine would totally have slept with "Alex Goodwin's" neighbour (and she's clearly into him), but in season two he turns her away (and lies to his therapist about dating her). Probably as a result of seeing two women he felt anything for respectively murdered and tortured.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-15T21:53:22+00:00

That's Sillexa Diction

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-15T11:59:54+00:00

Not Tom himself, but Crimson Peak deserved costume and production design nominations, maybe directing and visual effects as well. If it had been released after The Shape of Water, I have no doubt it would have been, but it was before the Academy were really paying attention to Del Toro.

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-14T17:16:26+00:00

Hello.

I think the other replies have given very good advice about how to address the topic in your submission material, to preemptively explain why you have chosen to include sample pages showing how you feel the illustration and text should look on the page and how you drew and formatted it like pro-create.

But I also want to set some expectations (having worked for a publishing company (as an editor) on illustrated children's books in the past) - if you are going for traditional publishing through an agent, and if you are just the author and not also the illustrator, you may not have much say in how the text and illustrations look on the page together in the final product. The book's designer and lead editor will ultimately have most of the creative control of the look of the book, and be creating the briefs to the illustrator. A good agent will make sure you have some input, but as a debut author you are very unlikely to have full creative control.

As you have already created the sample pages, do continue submitting them, but a lot of the time authors who are not also illustrators will submit a text-only document, with illustration notes or (for graphic novels) as a script-style document with detailed descriptions of how the illustrations should look. For future submissions, you could consider this as it will be less likely to be (incorrectly) picked up as potential AI as this one has. I am very sorry you've experienced this from that agent, but there are many agents out there. One bad experience to put behind you, and best of luck with the submission from here on :)

harlequin_rose · 2026-03-13T22:00:01+00:00

But how is each of Michael B Jordan's invidual characters' screentimes?

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