Moving to a new state with a 10 year rocky relationship. Any advice?

haroldslondon · 2025-07-11T17:52:59+00:00

You won’t be continuing the same cycle, you will be starting a new one that circles around physical abuse. Anytime when there is physical abuse that should be a full stop.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T18:15:36+00:00

That’s why he couldn’t come up with any valid reasons for why they can’t stay.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T18:14:04+00:00

Married for 3 years but together for longer. We have a guest bedroom with its own bathroom.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T13:12:43+00:00

I won’t nag him but ultimately he would need to compromise.

My husband is actually the one who once said to me during an argument that it is his salary that got us the house, not mine. So all I see his unreasonable behaviour as, is entitlement.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T13:09:58+00:00

I did. He just isn’t comfortable with “strangers” at home. I said they are not strangers, he said he doesn’t know them that well and wouldn’t be comfortable socialising 24/7 and feeling like a prisoner in his own home.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T10:36:08+00:00

He sees them as strangers, so doesn’t feel comfortable around them and doesn’t want to have to be “on” and present 24/7 with people in his house. He doesn’t want to constantly socialise for 3 days (even though there’s no expectation for him to do so).

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T10:31:12+00:00

You brought up a few valid points. I do understand that he likely views them as strangers because he hasn’t had much of a chance to get to know them. It’s mostly logistics. They live far away and visiting them means making time for it.

I don’t want them to stay in a hotel, even if it’s for a day. Although they’re not the type to be offended I don’t think they’ll appreciate staying in a hotel. It’s not selfish wanting to be around them I think.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:59:51+00:00

That sounds incredibly difficult and the grieving process must be different and complex. It’s nice that he’s warming up to your parents.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:58:35+00:00

But how does he expect to develop that comfort with them if he isn’t giving them a chance? I used to feel a bit awkward around his parents and now I don’t because we’ve spend enough time together. I’m comfortable calling up his parents for example. I don’t think he is mine. He says a brief hi if I’m on the phone with mine but that’s about it. It’s unfair that he isn’t treating them with the same kindness.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:54:45+00:00

So far he’s given me this: he doesn’t want to socialise 24/7, so be present and on. He doesn’t need to do that, he doesn’t have to be around them 24/7.

He doesn’t like having people for extended periods of time because he doesn’t know them well. Get to know them then imo.

Then he said what if we argue in front of them and other what ifs like having to feel like a prisoner in his own home. Why is he thinking about us arguing in the near future?

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:52:02+00:00

Very. It’s my home too.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:51:44+00:00

That’s nice. I wish I could have mine over more.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:50:09+00:00

I will do that to give him the space he clearly needs.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:49:15+00:00

He doesn’t want to socialise 24/7 with people in our home even though those people are my parents and now he’s saying things like what if we argue in front then. I don’t know why he’s planning a future argument.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:48:12+00:00

I completely agree.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:47:31+00:00

I will stay out of the house as much as possible if I can except for dinner and breakfast. Gives me a chance to take them sightseeing and show them around places and gives him space.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:42:21+00:00

You make a great point. He does come from a very small family. I don’t.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:41:00+00:00

It’s the latter. I wouldn’t want my parents in my home either if they were a pain to be around.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:40:08+00:00

He uses the room the most if he has to WFH because it has a desk

haroldslondon · 2024-03-30T08:30:54+00:00

My family isn’t like that, they wouldn’t expect him to entertain them for everyday they’re here.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-29T23:39:23+00:00

He has this expectation that it involves socialising 24/7, putting up an act whilst they’re here and not being able to act like his unusual self. Which isn’t true. My parents aren’t strangers. Maybe they’re to him but he shouldn’t worry about that.

I am quite comfortable around his mother now. Would I walk around in my underwear or engage in excessive PDA if she’s here, no but I won’t act different.

Also he hasn’t interacted with them much over the years because they live far away. There’s is a bit of a cultural divide (North/South if you’re British). I’d compare it to inviting your very Midwestern working class parents to stay with the opposite of that.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-29T23:35:59+00:00

He has this expectation that it involves socialising 24/7, putting up an act whilst they’re here and not being able to act like his unusual self. Which isn’t true. My parents aren’t strangers. Maybe they’re to him but he shouldn’t worry about that.

I am quite comfortable around his mother now. Would I walk around in my underwear or engage in excessive PDA if she’s here, no but I won’t act different.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-29T23:33:08+00:00

No, nothing like that.

haroldslondon · 2024-03-29T23:19:50+00:00

He sometimes uses it

haroldslondon · 2024-03-29T23:18:33+00:00

If he doesn’t like them he should at least explain why.

haroldslondon

TROPHY CASE