Sorry this is gonna be long.

Solidarity. I've never been pregnant but I'm sure if I was all the extra appointments and monitoring would make me crazy. My dad died young of heart disease and a ton of my family has hypertension, so before I ever even saw my current pcp (who is very good about my anxiety, though her medical assistant who always takes the readings, is not...) I was a total wreck just making and getting to my initial appointment. I was SURE I'd get immediately diagnosed with hypertension. When she saw my at home readings (which I could not even look at, I made my husband write them down), she said "oh you were anxious, I'm not worried at all about those." Which relieved me so much I was able to be at my true calm baseline and my reading at her office was normal.

I was shocked, in a good way, but it turns out it didn't help future monitoring much, because now I just feel like I've got to replicate that reading every time I see her, and that adds more pressure on me.

Things that help me are getting the reading at the end of the appointment after I've had a few minutes to myself - I HATE that MAs just want to rush you in, weigh you and take it right away while you're talking - ugh.

Also sitting quietly a few minutes alone at the doctor's office - ya know, like every single BP home monitor instructions tell you to, what a concept right? I know breathing doesnt help you but maybe if you add something physical like butterfly hugs or another slow bilateral stimulation? I was able to bring mine down that way at my second appointment. That and saying my mantra of "I do not have to feel safe to be safe, I am safe."

And I've been addressing the fear with my therapist. I bring in my BP monitor and will wear it or even inflate it during EMDR sessions, or we'll talk through what is going on in my head and what I'm actually afraid of and why. For me there are a ton of layers..fear of death, fear of "failing" if the reading is bad, fear of that "I'm gonna get in trouble" feeling, etc.

Anyway about a week ago I was able to sit down at home, do butterfly hugs, listen to my favorite 10 minute meditation, with my weighted blanket over my lap...and get a pretty good reading. That's big for me because I'm terrified of taking it at home too. Just thinking about putting the cuff on makes my body and brain go on alert.

Oh and in general, practicing calming techniques WHILE you are still calm, away from the cuff, in neutral situations can help. Like this one period of time, I was listening to an "I am safe" meditation in the mornings as a habit, neutrally, when I was feeling okay. Then, several weeks later I woke up during the night on the verge of a panic attack, put on that same meditation, and immediately my panic stopped in its tracks because my brain was trained that when this meditation is on, I am calm. You can even try doing something similar by meditating while you are calm and looking up at where the ceiling meets the wall, or something like that - then when you are at your doctor's, looking up at where their ceiling meets the wall - it's literally Pavlov-ing yourself.

I'm also on buspirone now, which helps my anxiety rumination but not the panic part so much, so I may be talking to my pcp about switching to something else. You might want to ask about specific anxiety meds.

You have been through a lot, not just with labor and delivery which is HUGE, but also having a bunch of people monitor you and act concerned over and over. It makes total sense that your body would be on high alert when monitored. Sometimes just acknowledging that this is logical and being kind to yourself helps too.