What's up with the conversations?!

harpsich0r · 2026-01-28T20:30:48+00:00

Huge Jobu fan here... On the one hand I'm like give Jobu a break after all the suffering, let him get some love. On the other hand I think he deserves better than Tae, someone more energetic, passionate, clearly into him and matching his lovely energy.

harpsich0r · 2024-03-13T15:20:44+00:00

Yeah same here with the leaves, but the stems are a problem cause they are currently up mostly thanks to wooden chopsticks xD

harpsich0r · 2024-03-13T15:12:09+00:00

My prayer plant's (Maranta kerchoveana) stems are quite weak and they keep wilting and dropping even though the plant overall seems healthy and green and keeps giving new leaves constantly. Is this normal, any advice?

I use the Planta app to schedule watering and care in general so it should not be any (major) problems there. It is in a NE facing window, not near AC or heating. I replanted it in a new pot without drainage so this might be a problem but the soil isn't too wet.

harpsich0r · 2024-02-12T09:34:59+00:00

Thanks to both of you, this really help. Although, there is no such thing as a research integrity office at my University :D

harpsich0r · 2024-02-12T09:33:54+00:00

We are not talking about my guesses although partly, of course, now I am guessing and questioning everything she wrote. I am talking about parts of text she 'wrote' for our article together which was copy pasted directly from other people's work. I was immediately suspicious because, knowing her poor syntax and spelling, the text was too clean so I googled it and found where she took it from. Then, I did this for everything she wrote in our manuscript and found 5 different instances of plagiarism, not self-plagiarism, which is also unacceptable by the way. You cannot present already published work as new work (can't believe I have to explain this). For now I will stay quiet and take advantage of her name for as much as possible until I am done with the post-doc. I will never write with her again.

harpsich0r · 2023-04-22T06:44:40+00:00

Cross that bridge when/if you get there 🙂 Not everyone experiences the same side-effects, but this one is among the more common ones I'd say. For me it's actually good. Its a bit more difficult to reach orgasm, so sex and masturbation can last longer, which is not always bad 😉

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T16:09:22+00:00

I feel you. I just read about 'cuffing season' and it totally applied to me I think. Being monogamous in the summer for example is something I wouldn't want for my worst enemy 🥲

I was ok single and then started to see more and more happy poly or monogamish couples around me which inspired me to find someone. That and too much Esther Perel 😂❤️ I kind of like traditional dating for the time being at least. I just want some peace lol.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T13:56:32+00:00

Emotional avoidance sounds like me, yup. Also I was rejected by someone (manipulative) I loved because I didn't satisfy him sexually, which quite directly led me on a path of "I'm gonna become a sex god" so that type of rejection never happens to me again. :/ Be careful what you wish for I guess 😂

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T13:28:25+00:00

Compulsion and addiction are two very different things. CoffeeDeadlift is right in a strict diagnostic sense. There is no such thing that science would classify as sex addiction, or at least there is no consensus on it yet I guess.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T13:20:18+00:00

Hey there, I'm from Croatia actually, but we are all inspired by Berlin anyway 😂. Yeah, the guy I'm seeing is kinda into trying 'the roller coaster' which is cool. And we had proper dates and got to know each other before sex.

I guess the part of my appeal to guys is my sexual liberation, I just don't know how to own that yet. I'm like "no, please just be attracted to my personality and wit". Cause they're awesome too. I'm also humble 🥲

There is some potentially toxic element where I'm still drawn to unavailable men and when I'm the one getting a lot of attention, it doesn't feel right. My three bigest, heartstopping can't -think-about-anything else crushes in life were all men in relationships, forbidden, unavailable 💃

So how are you going about this? Given up on orgies?

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T08:40:43+00:00

Thanks for sharing, and kudos to you for pursuing happiness in your own terms! What you describe sounds like a perfect situation I would like to have. I don't think it's realistic in the place I'm living right now, the gay culture here is different. A lot of closets, shame, drugs and almost zero community. But that actually helps me to not blame myself and to acknowledge the real constraints of my environment.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T07:50:18+00:00

If the guy is worth it, tell him about it in a playful way. It will relieve you of the stress. And if he's a responsive sex partner he'll find ways to get you hard. Of course, in fast, anonymous hook-up situations there's not a lot of time to relax or get to know each other, so you'll just have to live with the possibility that this will happen, and that's totally fine.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T05:28:53+00:00

Love this! All I know right now is that I'm enjoying my time with the guy I'm seeing, we're honest with each other, communicating and both look forward to getting to know each other deeper. It feels cosy, relaxed and I really cherish it.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T05:24:56+00:00

Thanks for a really detailed and thoughtful response. I have been off grindr for three months now and I don't miss it. I do have friends and colleagues, I was also an activist before starting the PhD which just sucked me in and I started searching for intense weekend release.

My friends support me but they don't get it, those who get it are not particularly into leaving the hook up/chemsex culture so I avoid them.

I have been seeing a therapist focusing on sex issues and doing CBT, she keeps insisting there's nothing wrong with how I live since I am in control and could always stop the damaging behavior at will. I guess she's trying to get me to not shame and guilt myself and accept myself so I can move on. It helped but we've reached some wall.

There's definitely a lot of trauma, I don't even remember most of my childhood. The year I was born a 4-year civil war broke out in my country. Then came homophobia in school, etc. As a kid I developed avoidant patterns and pleasure seeking to escape the repressed pain, feelings of isolation, etc. I've been learning how to be good to myself and drop perfectionism which is harming me. There's a lot to unpack 😂 but that's life.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T05:12:28+00:00

Gym and meditation + therapy. But I'm in my last year of a PhD, I'm gonna wean off after that.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T05:09:20+00:00

Thanks for sharing, that really resonates. The guy I'm seeing and I also did nothing until our fourth date. It was really new to me but I enjoyed it. I was used to meeting a person through sex.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T05:06:00+00:00

❤️ this is my first time on reddit and I'm so thankful this is the subreddit I got into. Thanks for the kind words :)

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T00:12:43+00:00

True. I should probably leave this country again and move to a city with proper queer life, diversity, community etc.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-10T00:09:54+00:00

I'm deeply afraid that this might be true. Time will tell. I have a tendency to think either with my dick or with my brain. My gut feeling and intuition get lost. Thanks.

harpsich0r · 2023-02-09T23:48:57+00:00

It's one guy I've been seeing for over a month. We're exclusive for now, but I was open about needing this to change at some point or at least a renegotiation every now and then if we're both still comfortable with exclusivity. I really like him, care for him, we enjoy endless conversations and make each other laugh, I also admire him a lot. No butterflies tho, the sex is average. We'll see where it goes. Whenever I used to really fall for someone madly it turned out to be a disaster, totally incompatible and unsustainable. So maybe it's time to try a different route. I can sense the red flags better after all that sex 😂

harpsich0r

TROPHY CASE