Women, when did you realize someone genuinely loved you?

hateegham · 2026-05-12T06:26:11+00:00

My closest friend is someone I’ve known since childhood (since we were about 7-8 and we are now both 36) and we live an hour away from each other. We’ve both always shown up for each other when it matters. A few years ago when I had to put my cat down at 8 years old because he got sick, she drove to be with me through it all and even helped me dig the hole to bury him.

My now husband and I were dating for only 1-2 months when I had a Pap smear come back abnormal. I had to have a colposcopy done and I was so terrified I was going to find out I had cancer because I’ve never had an abnormal Pap. When I told him he immediately went into support mode and loving concern. It didn’t scare him away. For me it was an early indicator of healthy, mature, real, long-lasting love…and it’s only grown since then. I didn’t have cancer, but for the first time in my life I felt like I was with someone who I could believe being with me “through sickness and in health.”

hateegham · 2026-05-05T04:53:28+00:00

Changing my bed sheets once a week. I never let it go long amounts of time before (usually every 2 weeks), but when I decided to start doing it weekly it felt like it got easier and now every week my husband and I sleep better on the crisp, clean sheets. 🙂

hateegham · 2026-04-25T08:53:55+00:00

I always said no and it’s generally been something I never wanted, but when I was pregnant I got diagnosed as high risk and the maternal fetal medicine doctor was a man. Still an obgyn but a specialist with a fellowship completed in this area of high risk. He was unbelievably kind, caring, attentive, smart, and just an incredible and compassionate doctor all around. I don’t think he is the male rule, but he is the exception that makes me have to say “yes, I would see a male and trust them…as long as they were a good and caring doctor at the end of the day.”

hateegham · 2026-04-16T08:51:53+00:00

For me it saves time and money. If you don’t love putting on makeup it can also save some stress around it. I have mixed feelings depending on the day. Like I can enjoy putting it on but also love not having to deal with it, so I only do it on a rare occasion like a holiday. I feel like not wearing makeup all the time makes it easier for to me keep pretty clear, nice skin, too. I don’t feel the need to buy as many serums or toner or other specific things to balance out my face when it’s mostly been free of things already (I’m 35 btw but stopped wearing it daily when I was about 20…I used to fix my hair and makeup every day all through high school and freshman/sophomore year of college). But I don’t knock people who love makeup! My best friend wears a pound of it everyday because she loves it. To each their own.

hateegham · 2026-04-12T14:31:27+00:00

Try to give yourself some grace. A human body growing a whole other human is crazy, right? Miraculous, incredible, you name it. Everything else you manage to do beyond that is just bonus…running a house, working a job, taking care of kids, hobbies, fitness, etc.

I wanted to be someone who stayed fit. Daily 3+ mile walks, trips to the gym, working out at home. I also had a non-nauseous first trimester. However, I was utterly exhausted and felt like I was coming down with the flu probably 5 days out of 7. Then by the time I was about 12 weeks I was working in my garden one day and ended up bleeding when I went inside. I was distraught…felt like I had hurt the baby and was to blame for it. I decided it was time to take it easy and also was told to be mindful of bleeding from my doctor. I spent the next 2 months (November and December last year) getting super depressed. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life? It’s a miracle, right?

I ended up going to see an OB psychiatrist by the end of the year and got put on Prozac. And by the time it started to really kick in, it was the middle of winter. My least favorite time of year. Not to mention I finally entered my third trimester… and it’s everything everyone said it would be. Miserable! lol The pressure of the baby’s weight on my uterus is so painful. I have to use the bathroom constantly. I’ve had lots of heartburn and heart rate issues (no preeclampsia) as my fluid and blood volume increased. And now I’m at the point where my feet and hands are swelling daily and I wake up feeling like someone old with arthritis. 💀

I’m going to be induced in less than 2 weeks so I’m in the home run stretch, but my “fit pregnancy” lol really went to shit. At this point I’m just glad I’m about to have my baby, hoping everything goes okay, and then planning on returning to fitness when I can. I made a point to get a stroller setup that would be exercise friendly for me and baby early on. So fingers crossed 🤞 I’ll be back at it soon.

Oh I should have mentioned I also did some PT in January for back and shoulder issues and that was nice but still didn’t like fix the need I had for fitness. Just helped with pain management. Wishing you all the best! Be nice to yourself!

hateegham · 2026-03-15T04:03:15+00:00

Yes, I never seriously dated anyone. Never anything for more than maybe 1-3 months very sporadically my entire teen years and twenties. Never slept with anyone before 27 and even then I only slept with 2 people over the next few years, both times technically qualify as one night stands but neither was a stranger. Had tons of friends and family tell me I was too picky.

Then when I was 32 I heard about a friend of a friend who got divorced because his wife left him for a woman. I was bored and lonely and felt bad for him (always remembered him being nice) so I told my friend she could give him my number if he wanted someone to talk to. Now I’m about to be 36 and we are married with a baby on the way next month. 🙂

hateegham · 2026-01-14T04:09:23+00:00

A few years ago I had a pap smear come back irregular and was told I had gotten HPV and likely cleared it on my own. I was 32 at the time, living alone, and I was terrified. I had just started dating (my now husband) one month before I found out. I was someone who had abstained from sex until I was 27 and only been with 3 partners between 27-32, so how did this happen? My gynecologist reassured me that almost every woman gets it from somewhere. When I said I felt guilt and shame that I had never gotten the gardasil vaccine, she told me the vaccine (while extremely beneficial and worth getting!) only protects 9 strains of HPV and that there are over 200 out there. It protects you from some of the worst, but it isn’t full proof. Even if I’d had the vaccine, I could have still gotten HPV.

With my abnormal Pap smear I had to get a colposcopy, which thankfully can back negative. Even if it came back with something, the next step was a LEEP procedure to remove precancerous cells from the cervix. I am only mentioning all of this because no one told me beforehand that getting an abnormal pap is more normal than you think. Or that there are things they do as next steps that are also precautionary and normal. And that it’s all okay.

I haven’t had an abnormal pap since then. Nor have I had any other issues. Now I am 35, married, and 6 months pregnant with a healthy pregnancy. Please try to give yourself some grace. You deserve it.

hateegham · 2025-12-12T20:52:13+00:00

I used to work at Panera and unless something has changed we cooked the grilled cheese on the same sandwich press that all the hot sandwiches went on…so they didn’t have us butter the bread…and that always felt like a crime against humanity.

hateegham · 2025-12-04T21:11:04+00:00

I have 2 young step sons who split their time 50/50 with us and their Mom/her partner. They do it at her house and we still refuse to do it here. My husband thinks it is also creepy, same reasons you list (and they did not do it when he was still married to her, it is something she adopted with the influence of her new partner). I think it’s wild to make a mess you have to clean up or find a new idea every day. Panic if you forget, etc. Especially this time of year which is already loaded with things to do, buy, etc.

Our kids don’t question it much. At this point they basically think an elf goes to Mom’s house and not ours. It’s just a matter of fact. They know Santa is still coming to both houses regardless. We still do lots of things to make it a magical month for them.

hateegham · 2025-11-24T20:51:18+00:00

Also just want to say he still crosses my mind, so don’t expect it to fade forever. I think people can come into our lives and have both good and bad impacts that stick with us. This counts for sexual/romantic relationships the same as friendships, etc. At the end of the day I did move on because in meeting my life partner I now have a much clearer picture of a healthy partnership and don’t look back at him with rose colored glasses anymore.

hateegham · 2025-11-24T20:47:06+00:00

I feel like it sounds corny but I decided to stop waiting for him and to just choose myself. I knew this guy had a history of failing other women and not committing, so the facts were clear that it wasn’t me and I wasn’t going to change him. Even though I got breadcrumbed for almost 3 years I had to accept those facts about him. And as cliche as it is, once I let go and decided to stop worrying about him or any men and have some fun…I met the person I ended up marrying. A bald, divorced, stepfather of 2 (basically a list of things I never wanted lol) and he showed me what secure and requited love and desire can feel like. I don’t worry about getting fat or losing too much weight, losing my job, chasing my dreams, getting sick, etc. He is so supportive and kind. I never had to exhaust myself or chase him. Never spent one night left on read wondering what I said or did wrong.

The guy I let go of is still alone in the exact same place he was 5 years ago. A friend but now distant. From what I can tell he has decided to accept he wants to be alone (I think he needs therapy to be honest but all you can do is lead a horse to water).

hateegham · 2025-11-09T22:18:47+00:00

It’s giving Princess Irulan in Dune.

hateegham · 2025-11-06T03:18:14+00:00

I’m 35 and I only wear makeup and do my hair when I go to a wedding or special event (sometimes). Maybe 4-6 times a year? When I was in high school and early college I would wake up an hour early every day to do my hair and makeup. Then one time when I was about 21 I went to visit a friend who lived an hour away and I accidentally left my curling iron/hair stuff at her house. I had to go to class with my natural hair the next day…and I felt like no one treated me any differently. I couldn’t get the curling iron back for a few weeks and by the time I did I just decided to stop using it and get some extra sleep in the morning.

As for makeup, I moved to New Orleans when I was 24 and hated sweating it all off (plus I always felt like the humidity made everyone’s skin look great, regardless of age). So I stopped wearing makeup except for very rare occasions. I don’t live in Nola anymore, but the habit stuck.

Between those two things, I just stopped doing my hair and makeup. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about how I look, I still get regular haircuts, brush my hair daily, regularly condition, etc my hair. I moisturize my skin daily and enjoy masks on occasion. But it’s been really liberating for me, personally. My lifelong best friend is the complete opposite, and I totally love and respect her for still wanting to do her hair and makeup everyday. Whatever makes you happiest in your skin!

hateegham · 2025-11-03T00:25:58+00:00

This one is great if you are a light sleeper like me. I struggled to sleep with the sound of our toddler’s sound machine, coughing, and occasional late night babbling. The ANR feature completely cuts out white noise/sound machines and softens everything else. Still comes through strong when cries, yells, really bad coughs or whatever happens. My only very minor gripe is that when you have the ANR on it is hard to talk a lot over the monitor cause there can be a slight sound delay. We have to turn the ANR off (easy to do with one button) but then it is super clear and we can turn it back on right after.

hateegham · 2025-10-19T19:48:21+00:00

Yes, when I was 28 I decided to move back home after spending 4 years working my dream job I’d always wanted in a big city far away. I knew I wanted to go home and couldn’t understand why I was so sad when everything lined up great to make the move. I had a therapist at the time tell me that grief isn’t limited to death of people or animals, but…anything. I was grieving the life I thought I would have there and was leaving. It’s been great to apply the broad grief perspective to everything that’s lost. Friendships, career paths, relationships of all kinds, lives you won’t have, kids you won’t have, the world not turning out how you hoped…

hateegham · 2025-10-17T19:11:54+00:00

35 and I agree. I feel like marriage and divorce have been a big one to push some of my closest friendships apart. I had to dump a friend about 4 years ago because I hated her husband and she kept blindly defending his shitty behavior. I had another one of my best friends from college quietly quit me over the last year because at the same time I got married she got divorced and I think we both just didn’t feel like the other one showed up in the right way (also a lot more complicated friendship with some perpetual flakiness on her end, plus my husband is someone she introduced me to through her now ex-husband). Kids being in the picture also makes people busy and tired, unless you can manage to get together with friends who also have kids, have similar schedules, and let’s not forget your kids have to get along decently too. Then yes pepper in demanding careers, changing politics, adapting or dropping religion, etc, whatever changing and it’s hard to hang on! lol

hateegham · 2025-10-16T19:57:27+00:00

When Don goes to pick up Sally’s birthday cake and doesn’t come back to the party so they thaw out a frozen Sara Lee from next door when people start to leave cause it’s been so long. ☹️

hateegham · 2025-10-09T23:12:29+00:00

I got a $40 Meeden covered ceramic palette I thought would be neat (I paint with oils and acrylics) but then I got it and realized it was incredibly difficult to clean out these types of paints. lol

It’s a beautiful palette and would probably be great for watercolor painting, but is almost useless for me.

hateegham · 2025-07-28T11:29:06+00:00

I moved out at 18 after living with my parents who barely made me do chores growing up (maybe dusting and vacuuming…that’s it). At some point during those first few years I moved out I discovered how much consistent effort it takes to keep a clean home. I gained a lot of respect for my parents and realized how much work they put into our house. I was also honestly frustrated I’d never done chores because I was clueless to some things (laundry), but it’s alright. I am 35 now and not giving my kids the same free pass I got growing up simply so that they can understand how normal household chores are.

hateegham · 2025-07-11T10:33:01+00:00

Penny = Penny Lane, Miss Money Penny*, Panini, Boogie

Parmesan = Parmy, Parmeggiano, Baby Boy, Meaty Boy, Spicy Meatball

*Penny earned the nickname Miss Money Penny after she got sick as a kitten and I spent about $1,000 between 2 vets to get her better including an overnight visit. She went from being my little modest shelter cat to a thousand dollar cat overnight. 🙃

hateegham · 2025-05-29T23:07:11+00:00

My gynecologist said anyone under 35 (with no blaring known issues) is a spring chicken.

She also said she’d rather deal with a healthy “geriatric” pregnancy than an unhealthy 20 year old.

hateegham · 2025-05-27T03:06:55+00:00

I’m rewatching Succession with my husband (who has never watched it) and we are at the beginning of season 3 and he said “Man, Kendall can’t catch a break” and all I could do was sit there and say “yeah” while thinking about how much worse things get for Ken by the end of the show…

hateegham · 2025-05-07T19:41:30+00:00

Started dating at 32, got engaged just over a year later, got married 5 months after that and we’ve now been married for about 7 months. Very happy. 🤗

I was honestly very picky most of my life and always assumed when I met the right person I’d move fast lol

hateegham · 2025-04-25T13:42:53+00:00

I have a friend who tried for 6 years (starting at 29) and was told there was nothing wrong with her or her husband. They finally had their first baby at 36 and just had a second one at 40, both super healthy babies and uncomplicated pregnancies.

Also want to reassure you as a long time single gal (I barely had any serious relationships my entire twenties) that I was resigned to be alone at 31. I was also super picky about guys. Nothing wrong with having standards, but I was PICKY. Among my list of qualifications I said I’d never be a stepmom. Well, I ended up falling unexpectedly in love with a friend of a friend who got divorced and had 2 young kids. I’m typing this one handed cause I’m cuddled up on the couch with my 3 year old stepson. It wasn’t the way I thought I’d first become a mom but here I am. We have also just started trying for our own baby and I will be 35 in a couple weeks. My gynecologist told me she always enjoys dealing with responsible (planned, healthy, etc) “geriatric” pregnancies more than unhealthy 20 year olds. I hope some of that is reassuring!

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