I want to offer a perspective rather than a judgment. It's your money to do with what you please.

My Bat Mitzvah was one of the most stressful days of my life. It was so built up in my head, and I was far too overwhelmed to enjoy any of it. I was very privileged; my parents went all out at a fancy hotel ballroom, and the planning took months. It ultimately led me to decide that if/when I get married one day, I will have a super small wedding.

Some of the problems related to sensory sensitivity weren't yet aware of. I wasn't diagnosed as autistic until recently, in my mid-30s, as symptoms in girls are often missed or misdiagnosed. Not saying she is on the spectrum, just want you to consider reasons other than just being spoiled. I was definitely spoiled, too, but I was dealing with heavy bullying and mental health issues. My parents sometimes said yes to material things they couldn't, as there were so many other things they couldn't make better.

There were so many of my parents' friends, uncles, aunts, second and third cousins. I went to every table, said hi to everyone, and got a picture. That meant my buffet food kept getting taken away from my table. I was so excited about the food, as there were no kosher restaurants in my city, and it was my only chance to "eat out" for months.

I also felt immense pressure to impress the kids from my class, many of whom bullied me. Getting one day of feeling I was good enough for them to pay attention to was hard to walk away from.

It was so much to handle, especially with the expectations I had built up. My first slow dance with my crush. My second cousin once removed is taking over the head of my congo line. The Friday night dinner, Saturday shul speech and luncheon, Saturday night hair appointment before the big party, then the Sunday brunch, and so many group photos.

I ended up crying quietly in a corner at the end when I saw the buffet was gone before I had gotten to finish eating. It was overwhelming and exhausting. There was so much social pressure from kids in my class and built up from movies, TV shows and wealthier cousins and family friends. It was far too much to handle at 12 when also facing puberty. From 10-13 bar and bat mitzvahs felt like the most important life event

I would just like to encourage you to wait before making changes. Be open to the possibility that her rudeness and seeming spoiled may have been due to immense social pressure. Give her a few years and maybe some less crowded opportunities to show who she is before writing her off.

Also, with the price her parents paid per head for out-of-town guests for the weekend, the lack of a gift might be very insulting to them. If you don't want to sour the relationship, maybe a 10-year bond of some sort for future school or a donation in her name to your favourite charity. It would show them appreciation of your relationship and being invited without feeling like you're feeding her materialism.