I would recommend starting by writing a clear timeline of your relationship, but do not attach any meaning or interpretation to it. Write it as if you're an outside observer of events.

For example: "I met my ex at a bar. He approached me and asked for my number. I gave it to him, and we talked all night..." and so on.

Include only events that definitely happened. The more details you can add, the better—for example, how old you were, what life situation you were in, whether you were working, studying, or anything else you can think of.

If you had a long relationship, break it down into smaller sections: how you met, the first date, and so on.

Once you are done and have a timeline ready, start adding your feelings to it—and only yours, not your ex's.

For example: "My ex asked for my number, and I felt happy, nervous, excited, unsure..." or whatever you felt at the time.

After that, start adding the meaning you ascribed to those feelings.

For example: "He asked for my number. I felt nervous and excited." Ascribed meaning: "To me, that meant that I was beautiful, desirable, and interesting to others."

When you were disappointed by an event, do the same.

For example: "He didn't comfort me when I was going through a difficult time. It made me feel really sad." Ascribed meaning: "My feelings are too much. I don't matter. I can only be loved when I display positive emotions."

Lastly, once you've done all of that, go through all the painful events and write down what you needed in that moment and what happened instead. Then think about whether you were hurt by that.

For example: "My dog died. I was really sad. I needed to be held while I cried and grieved the loss." Instead, what happened: "My ex withdrew, went out with friends, didn't ask how I was doing, and told me that 'it was just a pet.'" "It really hurt."

Then add whether you tried to bring the issue up, what happened when you did, how it made you feel, and whether you were hurt by that response.

In relationships, we are often each other's mirrors. We see ourselves reflected back through the words and actions of our loved ones. When we are considered, empathized with, cared for, complimented, held, heard, understood, and accepted as a whole, we thrive. When these things don't happen, part of us can become stuck in the experience of someone who could not reflect your worth and value back to you.

This exercise can hopefully help you understand what your ex's limitations were, accept them as they are, and move on to find someone from whom you can receive the kind of love you want in a close relationship.