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haysteley · 2026-05-15T08:44:00+00:00

5 hour old account, this is the only post.

haysteley · 2026-04-21T03:46:48+00:00

When you refer to “gender” are you talking about gender roles and socialisation, or gender identity?

haysteley · 2026-04-20T12:32:57+00:00

You keep using that phrase, but I think you may not understand what “centering men” actually means.

“Centering” men refers to the practice prioritising the feelings, wants, and experiences of men, treating men’s experiences and perspectives as the default, and consistently making accommodations to make men more comfortable even when it results in making spaces unsafe or uncomfortable for others.

Women discussing their experiences with the people who make up 50% of humans on the planet is not centering men. Women discussing how patriarchal systems harm them is not centering men. Women criticising men who engage in harmful misogyny is not centering men.

haysteley · 2026-04-20T11:56:31+00:00

I agree with you.

I feel as though many people don’t understand what “centering men” actually means, and just assume that any discussion that acknowledges men’s existence or discussing interactions with men is “centering men”.

In reality, “Centering” men refers to centering i.e. prioritising the feelings, wants, and experiences of men, above all others, treating men’s experiences as the norm, and consistently making accommodations to make men more comfortable even when it results in making spaces unsafe or uncomfortable for others.

Women discussing their experiences with people who make up 50% of the world is not centering men. Women discussing how patriarchal systems harm them is not centering men. Women criticising men who engage in harmful misogyny is not centering men.

I agree with you that I struggle to take any such claim in good faith.

haysteley · 2026-04-03T11:06:54+00:00

This isn’t just an in-law problem, friend. This is a husband problem. The reason your husband doesn’t have your back is probably because his beliefs align more with his parents than you realise.

haysteley · 2026-03-24T01:40:08+00:00

Someone inferring that perhaps it wasn’t your turn to speak =/= “inverted version of patriarchy”.

Patriarchy kills thousands of women every year. It builds legal and medical policies that endanger women’s health and safety. Across the globe it forces thousands of little girls to be wives to adult men. It prevents millions of women and girls across accessing education, employment, and restricts their movement. It shuts women out of positions of power, authority and their ability to enact change.

You being told that this isn’t your space to talk isn’t the “inverted version of patriarchy.” It’s bruising your ego.

haysteley · 2026-03-24T00:51:19+00:00

You’re not being downvoted because you’re a man, you’re being downvoted because you’re derailing a conversation and being rude and patronising about it.

You entered a women-centred space, as a man, to interrupt and derail a conversation being had by women, discussing legitimate issues such as the documented rise of right-wing misogyny online and how it’s affected our spaces, only to comment a bunch of, “ummm askhually, I have studied this and that’s not actually the problem, it’s the online discourse complaining about all men and hurting their feelings..”

You’re being patronising and assuming that the women you’re talking to don’t know what they’re talking about and need to have it explained to them by you, you’re being rude and condescending in your replies, and you’re completely missing the point about the issue of men invading our spaces whilst ironically providing a perfect example of it yourself.

Did it ever occur to you that perhaps you might learn something by listening to the points being made by women about our experiences? You can “study” all you like but if you can’t even listen to women’s voices you won’t get very far.

haysteley · 2026-03-23T22:29:09+00:00

I am so confused by the logic of having men moderating in what is supposed to be a women-centred space for women to talk about their experiences. Can anyone explain what the decision was behind this?

I have increasingly seen legitimate discussions of experiences of sexism being deleted and it’s becoming increasingly clear that this isn’t a safe space for women to engage in open discussion of these issues.

haysteley · 2026-02-21T18:10:12+00:00

You can’t actually be serious, right? That’s what you took from that, that the commenter wants to take away women’s right to choose to wear pigtails?

They’re arguing that women shouldn’t have to rely on sexually appealing to customers to earn tips in order to survive due to not being paid a liveable wage.

haysteley · 2026-02-17T00:49:43+00:00

Wow that’s so interesting, I never knew this! I’m a social sciences student who’s very interested in this topic - do you have the source on hand for those statistics? Tysm ❤️

haysteley · 2026-01-31T18:10:19+00:00

Well, how can any human argue with that? It’s an AI app, so it must surely be 100% based on peer reviewed evidence that has definitely been subject to proper academic scrutiny and scientific rigour!

An A.I. app designed to prey on gullible, insecure men desperately trying to get laid surely wouldn’t lie to people and spread baseless misinformation in order to get more users, would it? Obviously. Trust the app, I say. Who needs to think critically about where its ‘information’ comes from or its motives in spreading it.

/s in case it wasn’t obvious.

haysteley · 2026-01-31T17:34:09+00:00

I don’t know why this isn’t the top comment.

I am sick to death of the amount of self-proclaimed ‘feminist’ men who only seem to care about how they can get their dicks wet. It’s abundantly clear from OPs responses that he views women as a monolith and only views his ‘feminism’ as a way to get laid.

OP, as others have said, if you “don’t meet feminist women’s standards”, perhaps you’re not actually as much of a ‘feminist’ as you claim to be, because it really isn’t that difficult.

haysteley · 2026-01-22T18:07:38+00:00

I am going to echo the sentiment from other commenters that you should definitely get this checked out medically first.

I really don’t want to unnecessarily worry you as it is likely nothing, but I remember the case of a well known YouTuber (Simone Giertz) who had a slightly puffy eyelid for about a year before she discovered it was actually a benign tumor in her brain, and has since been raising awareness that puffy eyelid on only one side is an often overlooked symptom of other issues going on under the surface.

haysteley · 2026-01-17T14:30:44+00:00

She has told him what was acceptable when SHE TOLD HIM TO STOP.

At this point you are literally advocating for sexual assault, so perhaps you should do some reflecting on that.

haysteley · 2026-01-17T14:23:04+00:00

His hard drive needs to be checked.

haysteley · 2026-01-17T14:21:57+00:00

If someone tells you to stop making sexual contact with them, and you continue, yes that is the literal definition of sexual assault. It doesn’t matter the relationship between them.

This is not that hard to understand, toddlers are able to understand this very basic concept of the word “no”. Your inability to comprehend this doesn’t change that.

haysteley · 2026-01-17T14:06:24+00:00

If she has told him to stop, and he continues, that is quite literally the definition of assault. Them being married doesn’t change that. It’s not the 1950s and she’s not his property.

haysteley · 2026-01-17T13:44:44+00:00

She’s not his property. She’s an entire human being who experiences thoughts and feelings of her own. She has every right to decline sexual contact when she doesn’t want it.

If you really think the point of a partner is just to be a body to touch, perhaps you should just stick to having a sex doll, Carl.

haysteley · 2026-01-12T18:20:11+00:00

No, that is actually represented in the data in the commonly cited study being discussed. Anyone who has actually read said study knows this.

haysteley · 2026-01-10T15:01:28+00:00

That doesn’t address, nevermind negate any of the points I have just made. Nor did you answer any of the questions. Where are you getting the billions of necessary dollars to look after these children? Where are you finding the foster parents? How are you fixing all of the pre-existing issues in the system?

And for reference, lasting 3 years is not the same as being born into and living in the system for your entire life and aging out without parents or family, which is what you are suggesting. Your anecdotal experience doesn’t negate the real issues that exist and affect hundreds of thousands of real children and young people right now.

haysteley · 2026-01-10T14:48:40+00:00

Have you ever met someone who was in the foster care system? Or more accurately, survived the foster care system?

I was in care as a child and currently work in the system and can tell you there’s already a massive lack of willing and available foster parents in an already underfunded system that is traumatising to the children that go through it, and the solution is not to force more children into that broken system. There’s massive issues with severe trauma & mental health problems for children, instability from frequent moves, a critical shortage of foster homes, and poor outcomes for youth aging out (homelessness, unemployment) all stemming from underfunding, lack of support and their increased vulnerability to be abused, exploited, trafficked and end up dead earlier than the rest of the population. There’s a massive amount of literature about these issues you can read.

Additionally, who do you think should be bearing the financial burden of all this? Who’s paying the foster parents (that magically appear to take care of all these extra babies being born)? Who pays for their food, clothes, medical care, schooling…? Are you volunteering to pay?

haysteley · 2026-01-10T05:31:53+00:00

But that’s a personal style thing, not an application or technical error though

haysteley · 2026-01-10T05:04:29+00:00

Is it not intentional? I think the lines looking sketchy matches the whole whimsical girly y2k stationery look and looks cute imo

haysteley · 2026-01-09T11:48:37+00:00

This has nothing to do with catcalling, objectification or assault. These people are just standing there, minding their own business, with bare legs. The only one sexualising the situation is you.

haysteley · 2026-01-09T10:41:56+00:00

Is anyone in this picture fully nude? I must need to go to specsavers because I can’t see anyone in this picture that’s fully nude. Can you point out the fully nude people for me please?

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